Apparently...

I missed a deliverable for one of my classes - it was due Thursday. I emailed hoping he will allow a late paper and will call tomorrow to verify if he will or not. I'm turning it in regardless in the hopes that he feels sorry for all the work I did and just accept it and take 5 points or something for being late. I've researched, outlined and now just to need to write it out real quick. Seven pages shouldn't take too long and the topic was interesting to me - Pay equality from the employee's perspective.

Somebody please screw my head on will ya? I can't miss crap like this with only these two and one more class to go before I graduate.

Hi-ho, Hi-ho its off to see the gyno

There are cysts on my right ovary (uh-duh) and there may be some on the left. The radiologist couldn't get his left and right straight so my PCM has to call him and straighten out the three or four contradictions in his report.

They may or may not be debris filled; they may be hemorrhagic or follicular cysts; they may speak chinese and may do back flips for Scooby snacks. This radiologist was filled with too many frickin' "may be" for me since there are serious differences between them all and their course of treatment. Not to mention how the varying cyst types could effect fertility.

I am still taking this all in at the moment. I am a little scared and generally am really pissed that this took so long. Especially when I complained of groin pain almost a year ago. At least my current PCM is working with me, calling the Radiologist and is working to get my a gyno appointment ASAP.

Now do you believe me?

As I've said before this mystery lump in my groin is probably girlie related. Today I had my pelvic ultrasound and it was not very fun.

First, I feel so sorry for pregnant women - they have this kid or kids sitting on top of their bladder putting pressure on it and on top of that have to drink a ton of water so for a good ultra sound. I had to drink 36 ounces of fluids and be finished with that at least one hour before my appointment. This is a large amount of fluid in one sitting to hold until the tech tells me to go pee.

By the time I got to the appointment and the Tech got set up, I was dying. Not being able to pee and having someone drag a wand over my groin applying pressure made me want to pee even more. After about 10 minutes of her looking around and taking what ever her snapshots she needed to take I got to go. She laughed as I raced to the girls room, if it wasn't in public I probably wouldn't have even bothered to zip up my pants.

Upon returning to the room for the second half of the exam, I looked at the screen. I know the Tech can't tell me anything but it doesn't mean I can't take notes of my own. I took down the measurements of my uterus and looked at some of the pictures trying to see if I could detect a pattern of her shots she took.

The second half wasn't fun either. She took measurements of my ovaries and then the questions start. Things like when do you get pain, where is it, are you here for infertility problems, what else can you tell me that would help me decide what pictures to take type questions. I let her know that the pressure she's applying to my right ovary is starting to hurt. She lets me know she's almost done.

I get dressed and look again at the screen, my right ovary is twice as large as my left & technically my uterus is slightly enlarged (yes I googled around for info). The rest of the day my right side hurt, down my leg and up into my kidney. I have some kind of girlie issue - it could be a cyst on my ovary or it could be endometriosis (it could also be ovarian cancer but that's not likely since I have no other symptoms). The results of my US will not be available for a week so I didn't bother going back to see my PCM. I did email my old doc in Germany as asked him to please send my doc copies of my MRI and HSG if she still had them.

I know they do educated guesswork, but damn I never went to medical school and I told them back in December 2005 that there was an issue and here, here, here, here and here. I guess I just need to learn to cry on command, making a scene...That's what I get for having a high pain threshold.

A Power suit of his own

Today my DH went to his own interview for a second masters program here in Toto Town. (I support him on it but still hate this place - its a compromise) As he's telling me about how it went I noticed that he was fidgety. I asked if his undies were bugging him and was told that this pair probably needed to be thrown out. Being the good wife I asked him to change and I would take the pair and put them into the trash. "Oh nooo you can't do that!" he says to me. "Why the hell not?" I ask. Here's my answer:

"You have your power suit, the suit that makes you feel confident, strong and capable of taking over that interview and selling them on how good you are - these are my power suit. Something that I can wear underneath my uniform, something that makes me different. I wore this pair of red undies for every meeting, every trip outside the wire, even the flight home during my deployment last year. So you can't throw them out."

Attempting not to giggle, I suggested that we go to a store and buy him the same brand but a new pair of red undies to serve as his power suit. He seemed okay with that, I know he has several pairs of red ones but they must be all worn out from his deployment. He never used to be superstitious, but with the power underwear and the certain coins and other objects he carried with him always I guess he is now.

At least now I know what to send him for his next deployment - red underwear!

Edward Norton works where?

I left 1 1/2 hours before my interview. Traffic on the news showed jams, here, there and everywhere. Sadly, I arrived in 45 minutes and had to kill time sitting in my car which was parked next to a park with a homeless guy sleeping contently on a bench. The neighborhood is fine a park will always bring homeless as sleeping on the bench versus the ground has got to be a ton warmer.

Okay enough of the public service announcement for more shelters...Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate when you *heart* Edward Norton and the head interviewer of your panel looks almost dead on for him?



He really did, he had dark brown wavy hair, the gotee and the baby blues (just add a tie to this photo). Talk about frustrating, I spent a good part of my time biting my cheek to keep from grinning and giggling like a school girl. I even had to ask him to repeat the first of a four part question because I was making a mental voice comparison instead of actually listening to the question.

I think the interview went well besides me getting lost in the whole 'he looks like Edward Norton' bit. I asked some good industry specific questions and how they differ from the processes of the agency I just left. There was a small Freudian slip towards the positive when I stated that I was interested in the position and looked forward to hearing from them. Ed um I mean Mr. B started to speak towards 'when we select you' and then quickly hiccupped in the standard non-committal statement. It wasn't quite that obvious but you get my meaning.

So thinking good thoughts that I get selected.

No title, don't feel like it

My interview is on Tuesday and I woke up with a serious cold. None of my suits fit (my regular work clothes do) so I have to go buy one suit to interview, lets hope that they dig me after one panel interview so I dont have to buy another suit for a second interview. (On a good note my neighbor and I started walking so my big arse will fit into my suits soon)

So I am curled up on the couch, taking Dayquil and drinking tea. My ears hurt, my nose is stuffed, my throat is sore and um snot everywhere. Please, please, please let me feel decent by Tuesday.

Um Tole Tole, I miss you....where'd you go?

Gotta love those tankers! (aka stick it to Cindy)

Okay I found this little tid-bit about pledging to do a one day fast in support of not supporting Cindy "moonbat" Sheehan. Since I can't stand the woman I am all for the fast. Since I am trying to get pregnant, fasting for me is not a good idea just in case. Its a rolling fast where if possible each person only fasts for one day. If you can support or just show support via comments please do so.

Click the pic and see what this Tanker is trying to do:


H/T: DevilDog

I don't care how....

...I want it now! I'm feeling very Veruca Salt at the moment. I went back to the doctor today because my groin pain is getting worse. It started on Wednesday, was horrid on Thursday and mellowed back to a 4 (versus a 7 on Thur) on Friday. One thing I noticed? The pain coincided with ovulation this month.

I know all too well that House is just a TV show, but how they find the anwsers to their patients ills is actually a correct portrayal - they guess. Yes I said it they frickin' guess, mind you an educated one but still a guess. Since so many ills have similar symptoms that's the only real way to find an answer. I know it, I understand it but it doesn't mean I don't wish I had 5 doctors all clamoring around poking prodding, taking blood and working to "fix me."

I poke fun, no get bent at the military medical system quite often. To be honest they are slow to react on more occaissons than I can remember. The quick fix to the problem is usually send you home with a bottle of 'Ranger Candy' and drive on. If it's a real problem you will be back.

So that's what I got on Friday, a bottle of Ranger Candy and told to wait until the ultra sound appointment before she can go any farther in the logic trail...the guessing via deductive reasoning trail that is. It's a frustrating process, I keep telling her that this is ovulation or girlie reproductive parts related but I'm getting no where with that. She keeps going back to the concept that it's nothing more than a swollen lymph node and means that there's some kind of infection. Hmm we just treated that with no help in sight but the pain worsened dring ovulation, that's a pretty frickin' good indication that it's probably related to girlie stuff.

I can make educated guesses too, but no one's listening to me. I am just biding my time until I can get the referral to a OB/GYN doctor who has an ultra sound on site and doesn't make you wait three weeks for an appointment. So throw me on an episode of House or listen to me and Veruca as we sing..."I don't care how, I want it now!"

ETA: The original Charlie & the Chocolate factory was on Saturday night and I sang right along with Veruca. I love Johhny Depp but this movie kicks arse!!

6 months and counting

It's been six months since the return of my spouse from down range and one thing seems to be a recurring theme for him - he's quick to anger and has no real patience. If he stubs his toe a slew of vulgarities spew out of his mouth and he tells the offending wall to piss off. If someone cuts in line they are selfish assholes who are mistreating the world. Its not that he's violent or abusive, I wouldn't be here if he was (he'd deal with me first, my brother and then my father). But the things that he never let bother him before now are all major issues.

Maybe my patience has increased while living without him for a year but I am having a hard time understanding his getting so frustrated about a messed up food order. I've had cars break, a nutcase boss try to sick revenge on me for some short coming in her life and tried to be a friend to a person who is running down the path of self destruction fullspeed. To me, a messed up food order is annoying but nothing to go crazy over.

Last night while driving to Sonic for dinner, we took the dog for a car ride. As I turned around to check on the dog in line to get our food, she threw up in the car. Its not like she intentionally asked to come with us, just so she can throw up on the leather seats - she's a dog and it was an accident. But for him it was an affront to his time in Afghanistan - this is what I don't get. He feels that he spent time in a place (where he still hasn't told me of all things that have happened to him) and earned the right to buy a nice car, but that somehow the dog was purposely ruining his car and spitting on his time served.

If it doesn't make sense to you guess what, we are in the same boat. It's not about money, it's not that he squirreled away all this money and doesn't want to share, that much I figured out. It seems more like he's feeling the backlash of those Americans that don't support soldiers and is frustrated with those who are so oblivious to the world around them while driving their gigantic SUVs with only one person in the car. And he's not alone. A good friend of ours seems to be having the same problem. As well as a couple of his classmates. They can all see it while it happens but are having a hard time changing the outcome.

As I reminded him that the dog's brain is the size of a large plum, that she wanted to be with us and couldn't control getting car sick - I see the guilt ride across his face. He doesn't mean to be so impatient with the world and especially with his family or his pet. I hate making him feel like such a heel. I know it will take more time, that's exactly what I keep telling fellow blogger's whose spouse has just returned. I just wish I had a way to share my new found patience with him until he can find his own again.

I should be...

What I should be doing is finding some emotional, inspirational thought about what happened 5 years ago this very day, but it all escapes me. I am at a loss of anything of real substance which isn't normal for a motormouth like me.

All that comes to me is that 5 years ago I was working as a HR Assistant. We sat refreshing CNN on the internet to get updates but we were all asked to remain working. At the end of my duty day, in disbelief, shock and concern I made my hour commute home. In some sort of serendipitous fashion I got a call today to interview for a position I didn't think I'd have a chance at - both of these positions are in the same field.

It's not inspirational, but it's what's there. It's hope and starting new. Wish me luck on my interview and keep those that lost their lives today in your thoughts as well.

Fun afoot in Toto Town

Guess where we are going weekend after next?



I haven't been to one since they had the last one in Marine Woods several years back. I am looking forward to it. I don't think I still fit in my "Ren" outfit but we will see...(The hubby seemed intrigued at the thought of it)

Halloween weekend we are going here:



The fountain of blood sounds cool and scary. Worse comes to nutty worse at least we are finding cheap things to do in this evil little Toto Town!

Tape Measure suspenders

Yesterday I got a call from a wood worker stating that he wanted to come and make an estimate of our damages from our move. This was the same company we were going to use anyways so I went ahead with the appointment.

When he showed this morning we was a cute old guy. He wore these goofy suspenders that look like a tape measure. He described to me that he goes through the whole claim list and look at it all and reports this to the moving company and the claims office. I asked a few questions and made a few specific remarks to see if he knew what he was doing. Unfortunately I had a wood worker in Germany that shoved wood putty all over a door lip that I split dropping it and claimed that was fixed - Without tools my dog could have done the same frickin' job. I am pretty confident that he has the experience and knowledge to make repairs.

So here's the damage:

**The coffee table will need to be refinished due to the knife marks from opening the bubblewrap.
**The table will need to be refinished too since they used it in Germany as staging tablel, dragging crap across it.
**The top crown of our antique hutch needs to be pulled apart and put back together.
**The book case they dropped before we even left - not repairable buy a replacement.
**Picture frames with the backing damaged will need new backing.
**The picture frame of a calvary print that they broke the glass on, well it damaged the print which according to the man devalues it by 90% - nice frickin' arses.
**The dresser and highboy are no brainers to fix the sctraches and knife mark from cutting off the bubblewrap.
**Same with the end tables.
**The coo-coo clock he was amazed that it doesn't move at all and said have a clock worker make an estimate.
**The Gerber multitool is now worth $80. I never knew that. I bought it 8 years ago when I worked in IT stuff and had to open boxes and put compents into new computers.

Oh and best for last:
** The cambridge student desk we fell in love with and bought has water damage. Yep water damage...and the best part? The bubblewrap kept the water in an left a crease mark in the wood.

I nearly peed my pants when he said that it wasn't the mattresses or boxes being brought up stairs and rubbed against the desk. I was so pissed to know that somehow water got on it and that damnable bubblewrap kept the moisture right in there.

From taking a peek at his paperwork it looks like there is about $1,500~$2,000 worth of damage. This of course doesn't include the new print & framing, new frame on another print, new backing for two prints, coo-coo clock repair and a new Gerber multitool.

Speaking of tools that's a good word to use for the little twit who packed our home like crap and walked off with my Gerber - what a TOOL!

Superman is more than blue tights

Sarah has been getting some flak about her choice of admirable traits she hoped she would have if she were faced with being held by terrorists.

"Jack Bauer is a fictional character. But what is the purpose of our modern day tales and legends if not moral instruction? Don't we invent heroes because we wish to emulate them in some way, because their exaggerated traits are our ideal? We don't watch 24 because we want Jack to wimp out and take the easy way to appease the enemy; we watch it because we want our inner heroes to strive to measure up to our fictional heroes...

I'm well aware that life isn't a movie and we don't always get a happy ending. But Fabrizio Quattrocchi had a fiancee and family too, and he still had the courage to defy the enemy. I'm saying I hope I'd do the same. You don't have to agree with me, but don't insult my intelligence by reducing my very serious and heartfelt post into pretending I don't understand the difference between TV death and real death."

I find it funny that so many complain that there are no role models in current society and that children have so few to look up to. When Sarah chooses two people with admirable behavior (one real and one fictional) she’s slammed and told that her opinion that these models of human nature are just some sort of delusion she's created with her head stuck in the sand.

Fictional or otherwise, behaviors as well as people can be looked upon as a source of encouragement and ones you would like to adopt for your own. Is there really something wrong with hoping that you would be as strong as Superman when standing up for the safety of your family? Or maybe as smart as another superhero in resolving something with your government?

If it makes you act better, or hell take action at all then there’s nothing really wrong with a comic book character or TV or whatever.

My turn now...

So AWTM was having so much fun at the Vagina Whisperer that I thought I'd go too. For the last year I have had a lovely pain in my side (well lower, er my groin). This is the same pain I told the doc about in December but he brushed it off as a swollen lymph node.

Well I've had this for a year now - so I went back to a doc now that we are settled. As we pulled apart my medical records that were slapped back together like crap because they were pissed that asked the clinic commander to give me a copy I wasn't able to find the materials about my lack of a double uterus. Since this was a girl okay woman I basically stripped and got to go through the joys of a pelvic. She took a number of swabs and I asked what each one was for. I also asked about my friable cervix - she was concerned about that when no one else has been.

She thinks I have had a mild infection for the last frickin' year. Which of course would make my 'oven' inhospitable to the baby making process. It could explain why we have being trying for 8 or so months with no luck. Can't say that I am not surprised. The docs overseas seemed to be overwhelmed and more interested in handing you the standard 'Ranger Candy' and sending you out the door. It is nice to have a doc that is civilian (which means she wont PCS in 1 1/2 years). She has good experience (I asked) and since there were plenty of docs here she could take the time she needed to actually listen to me....Even when I sat there telling her about my concerns and me throwing out different diagnoses due to symptoms, or lack there of.

The bad news is that I get a pelvic ultrasound and with the meds she's put me on we can't try for a baby at all this month. For good reason of course, strong antibiotics and then a pregnancy would be so bad for the health of the baby. Oh and my ovulation predictor kit showed up, damn gremlins couldn't have returned it earlier??

Announcement

Will the little gremlin who took my $40 ovulation predictor kit bring it the fuck back? We are not made of money here you little turkeys.

Oh and I was referred for a job with the FDIC. Not sure if I will get contacted but a referral was great to read.

Whatyacha reading?

I thought I'd play along with Nicole's meme:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your Blog (Please include the book and author) along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag five people.

Proven Guilty (A novel of the Dresdon Files) by Jim Butcher -
"I never counted on starring in my own personal zombie movie."
"Don't kid yourself," I said. Mister flew across the room and pitched all thirty pounds of himself into a friendly shoulder block against my legs.

I get yelled at for tagging people so play if you'd like and let a note letting us know.