Friday, December 27, 2013

Happy Birthday to me

Well I'm now 42 and we've come to the conclusion that my body is done having babies. We have been blessed with one child, one beautiful, smart, funny, loveable son who is totally awesome and cool. It's taken me a long time to come to the understanding that my body didn't fail me, because well we have a six year old, a healthy, happy six year old in our lives. He has dad's body, hair, eyes and fingers. He has my nose, smile, ears and somehow managed to have my brother's sense of humor. So my body is done having babies but it didn't fail me with blessing me with one son who is a wonderful member of our family. I wish I had seen that sooner, had understand that I have something so wonderful sitting right in front of me. But, I do see it and I know how lucky we are to have a great kid as our own.

Friday, October 04, 2013

I can do it myself mother

Well the results of the surgery wasn't the greatest news. So we've been focusing on what we can do all on our own. We are pretty sure that IVF wouldn't work for us, so we've ruled that out. We are still muddling over a donor egg and adoption. Maybe with the pressure off and no more needles (at least for a while) that maybe if its meant to be we'd get pregnant on our own. I need a new job though, this place is burning me out and leadership is umm well not my favourite. I'll behave though and not totally vent it out here. So keep your fingers crossed that this works and we get preggo or I find a new job far away from the crazies.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Surgery

Well after me pushing the issue with my RE, I ended up being referred to see a surgical specialist. My instinct kept telling me that I needed this. And well....I did. After 4 hours I came out being told that my right tube was fully blocked, scarred and infected. My left tube was partially blocked (which he cleared). He removed a bunch of endometriosis, as well as scar tissue and adhesions at the C-section incision. Lastly, he removed a fibroid from my uterus. It seemed like it was going well and he was optimistic that we could get pregnant all on our own. Six weeks later, I was at my follow up appointment and found out that umm well, my fibroid was actually the devil in disguise. I found out I have adenomyosis. This is endometriosis in the uterine wall, which well SUCKS! And to add to that hot fudge sundae of suck, the most of the endo found was right in the spot of the uterus where the embryo would implant. We have a few decisions to make now. I have a few things that I'll need to overcome before we can decide what we want to do now in our quest to have a bigger family.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Surviving

I've survived 2 days of the Chinese herbs. So I think I can stand it for a while then and see if they help too.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Chinese Herbs blow

Ugh! Wow, I don't know what happened, but I tried Chinese herbs from my acupuncturist today to help with baby making, balance hormones and reduce my endo symptoms. She said it smells bad and tastes worse. It smelled fine considering I didn't breath through my nose. I got the first third down, but apparently drank the second third too quickly afterwards and um up they came. The last third stuck. It doesn't really taste bad, weird after taste but really not too bad. Not sure why I didn't take the second gulp so well - maybe I caught too much air. I'll try it though, again tomorrow and hopefully it will go better the second go round.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Next stage by pushy me

The IUI after the scrapped IVF didn't work.  A month of just good old fashioned BD'ing didn't work either.  I'm tired of hearing how my eggs are old (insert eyeroll here). 

We are considering donor eggs and I am having a hard time thinking about it.  Not my DNA, how do we explain it to a kid when they go asking why I look nothing like them.  It's going to take more time before we agree to it or not.  So I can leave that on the back burner while I consider it more.

Adoption is also in consideration, but back to the current process.

I was told today by the RE that he really couldn't recommend another round of IVF and probably not IUI (although he'd say IUI over IVF).  He actually told me he would feel like he was cheating me and stealing from me.  So I'm thankful for that, at least he's honest.

So we discussed surgery again.  I know, I know, we've discussed it before, but really if the IVF rate is in such a sad state for me because I'm a low responder to meds....then surgery won't hurt.  Now I run a risk that removing the fibroids I know I have could injure the uterus and make it unable to carry a child to term, I'd be happy if they'd at least look in there.  My gut, my intuition, my hutzbuch is telling me that I'm not pregnant because of my endo and my fibroids - not due to old assed eggs.

So being the honest guy he is, he said to come see him next week, we will discuss surgery in detail and he will get me a referral to a doctor that specializes in removal of fibroids.  He actually said I won't do it, I'd make it worse not better.  LOL  My little Ben Stein sounding Dustin Hoffman looking RE has a good sense of humor.

I'm going to continue with the acupuncture too.  Worst case, I'm calmer, I'm happier and my overall health is improving.  It's also shown me that I don't take care of myself and I NEED to, pregnant or not.  So manybe with surgery, acupuncture and a possible IUI we will end up pregnant in the next six months.  If not, then we consider donor eggs or adoption.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Disappointed

Went to see the RE today and we've scrapped this round of IVF. My hormones are low and the U/S shows only a few follicles. I'm bummed. We were even working the acupuncture too in an effort to have a better IVF this go round. The RE acted like he was trying to help by telling me that we didn't have to pay the fees and yes its great that we are only out a small amount of the IVF fees, but geeze that's not what I focusing on.  Yeah keeping about 9 grand is cool, but was not the first frickin' thing on my mind.

We were really hoping this would be it. I read a ton of stuff about this protocol (flare) since we tried a new one and I didn't read the best about it for low responders. I know it works as I know another woman that used it, but she's in her early 30s, not overweight and doesn't have the same work stress I do. But my gut was telling me that when I asked a few questions about switching things around to account for what I read and he basically said no, we weren't changing the protocol - that there might be an issue.

On a good note, I like my accupuncturist. It does make me feel less stressed which is nice. So hopefully she can help get my body back on track and have a positive IUI out of this.

I'm not sure we can face another around of IVF, even with this scrapped one. I'm hitting 41 soon which reduces our success rate of IVF. The RE has brought up a donor egg and I'm having to think about that - alot. I'm stuck on that although I'd carry it, it wouldn't totally be mine, not really. It might almost be easier to just adopt. I just haven't had enough time to think about these options though and want to concentrate on the IUI for now and see if our accupuncturist can't lend a hand. I just want a second baby, our family isn't complete yet, not to us anyways.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

I hate this woman. I hate this woman. I hate this woman....oh sorry is this thing on? Crap!

Needles, needles and more needles

We decided to try IVF again.  We spent about 2 months "off" as my body needed to repair itself and be ready for a new round.  We went back to the RE and he's got me trying DHEA, Co Q 10 and recommend acupuncture.  We are also trying a different protocol - the Lupron flare.  Its for low responders aka chicks who dont produce a lot of eggs and helps to produce more.  So since its another drug, it means more shots.  Yes, yes I so love sticking myself over and over with needles (if you missed the sarcasism you must not know me very well).  Anyways, I stab myself 4-5 times each and every day for 10 days.  So 50 jabs is just such fun.  But really if it works then its worth it.

The other issue is more needles.  I had my first acupuncture appointment tonight.  Eastern medicine is different of course so you must have an open mind otherwise well it won't work.  It's a hard concept sometimes for me to even get but in general westerners just have a hard time.  I connected with my therapist I think and she loved talking about Chinese Medicine, so my natural habit of "whatca doing now?" worked out well. 

I had a little headache afterwards from apparently not listening and not eating right before the session (bad toad).  But overall I feel perky-er, relaxed, and with some extra energy.  I'm a little sore in my shoulders too but nothing eath shattering.   Apparently my liver system really out of balance.  Its going to take a bit to get it back in balance, but we are working against time.  We are supposed to do the retrieval next week, but we are going to work a short version of the long stuff and get me as releaxed and balanced as possible for the upcoming procedures.  I'm also having to change a few things - no more ice water (room temp), no cold stuff at all actually.  No more sweets, no dairy and bitter foods (aka leafy greens).  For the next few weeks I think I can handle that.  Stopping my can of Coke a day will suck but I'll survive.

I'll go over a session some time in the future.  It's weird, but cool but weird.  I could listen to her explain about Chinese medicine all night long.  Yes I'm a total nerd.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Sad

Well the blood test came back negative.  I knew though, I'd been having cramps for two days before the test.  That was even with all the hormones they make you take.

I feel horrible, like maybe I didn't lie still well enough or I lifted something.  You know the "what if" game that so many people play.  Well we talked over the weekend and we've decided we want to try again at least two more times.  So wish us luck and let's hope the second time is the perfect charm.