Surviving

I've survived 2 days of the Chinese herbs. So I think I can stand it for a while then and see if they help too.

Chinese Herbs blow

Ugh! Wow, I don't know what happened, but I tried Chinese herbs from my acupuncturist today to help with baby making, balance hormones and reduce my endo symptoms. She said it smells bad and tastes worse. It smelled fine considering I didn't breath through my nose. I got the first third down, but apparently drank the second third too quickly afterwards and um up they came. The last third stuck. It doesn't really taste bad, weird after taste but really not too bad. Not sure why I didn't take the second gulp so well - maybe I caught too much air. I'll try it though, again tomorrow and hopefully it will go better the second go round.

Next stage by pushy me

The IUI after the scrapped IVF didn't work.  A month of just good old fashioned BD'ing didn't work either.  I'm tired of hearing how my eggs are old (insert eyeroll here). 

We are considering donor eggs and I am having a hard time thinking about it.  Not my DNA, how do we explain it to a kid when they go asking why I look nothing like them.  It's going to take more time before we agree to it or not.  So I can leave that on the back burner while I consider it more.

Adoption is also in consideration, but back to the current process.

I was told today by the RE that he really couldn't recommend another round of IVF and probably not IUI (although he'd say IUI over IVF).  He actually told me he would feel like he was cheating me and stealing from me.  So I'm thankful for that, at least he's honest.

So we discussed surgery again.  I know, I know, we've discussed it before, but really if the IVF rate is in such a sad state for me because I'm a low responder to meds....then surgery won't hurt.  Now I run a risk that removing the fibroids I know I have could injure the uterus and make it unable to carry a child to term, I'd be happy if they'd at least look in there.  My gut, my intuition, my hutzbuch is telling me that I'm not pregnant because of my endo and my fibroids - not due to old assed eggs.

So being the honest guy he is, he said to come see him next week, we will discuss surgery in detail and he will get me a referral to a doctor that specializes in removal of fibroids.  He actually said I won't do it, I'd make it worse not better.  LOL  My little Ben Stein sounding Dustin Hoffman looking RE has a good sense of humor.

I'm going to continue with the acupuncture too.  Worst case, I'm calmer, I'm happier and my overall health is improving.  It's also shown me that I don't take care of myself and I NEED to, pregnant or not.  So manybe with surgery, acupuncture and a possible IUI we will end up pregnant in the next six months.  If not, then we consider donor eggs or adoption.

Disappointed

Went to see the RE today and we've scrapped this round of IVF. My hormones are low and the U/S shows only a few follicles. I'm bummed. We were even working the acupuncture too in an effort to have a better IVF this go round. The RE acted like he was trying to help by telling me that we didn't have to pay the fees and yes its great that we are only out a small amount of the IVF fees, but geeze that's not what I focusing on.  Yeah keeping about 9 grand is cool, but was not the first frickin' thing on my mind.

We were really hoping this would be it. I read a ton of stuff about this protocol (flare) since we tried a new one and I didn't read the best about it for low responders. I know it works as I know another woman that used it, but she's in her early 30s, not overweight and doesn't have the same work stress I do. But my gut was telling me that when I asked a few questions about switching things around to account for what I read and he basically said no, we weren't changing the protocol - that there might be an issue.

On a good note, I like my accupuncturist. It does make me feel less stressed which is nice. So hopefully she can help get my body back on track and have a positive IUI out of this.

I'm not sure we can face another around of IVF, even with this scrapped one. I'm hitting 41 soon which reduces our success rate of IVF. The RE has brought up a donor egg and I'm having to think about that - alot. I'm stuck on that although I'd carry it, it wouldn't totally be mine, not really. It might almost be easier to just adopt. I just haven't had enough time to think about these options though and want to concentrate on the IUI for now and see if our accupuncturist can't lend a hand. I just want a second baby, our family isn't complete yet, not to us anyways.

Needles, needles and more needles

We decided to try IVF again.  We spent about 2 months "off" as my body needed to repair itself and be ready for a new round.  We went back to the RE and he's got me trying DHEA, Co Q 10 and recommend acupuncture.  We are also trying a different protocol - the Lupron flare.  Its for low responders aka chicks who dont produce a lot of eggs and helps to produce more.  So since its another drug, it means more shots.  Yes, yes I so love sticking myself over and over with needles (if you missed the sarcasism you must not know me very well).  Anyways, I stab myself 4-5 times each and every day for 10 days.  So 50 jabs is just such fun.  But really if it works then its worth it.

The other issue is more needles.  I had my first acupuncture appointment tonight.  Eastern medicine is different of course so you must have an open mind otherwise well it won't work.  It's a hard concept sometimes for me to even get but in general westerners just have a hard time.  I connected with my therapist I think and she loved talking about Chinese Medicine, so my natural habit of "whatca doing now?" worked out well. 

I had a little headache afterwards from apparently not listening and not eating right before the session (bad toad).  But overall I feel perky-er, relaxed, and with some extra energy.  I'm a little sore in my shoulders too but nothing eath shattering.   Apparently my liver system really out of balance.  Its going to take a bit to get it back in balance, but we are working against time.  We are supposed to do the retrieval next week, but we are going to work a short version of the long stuff and get me as releaxed and balanced as possible for the upcoming procedures.  I'm also having to change a few things - no more ice water (room temp), no cold stuff at all actually.  No more sweets, no dairy and bitter foods (aka leafy greens).  For the next few weeks I think I can handle that.  Stopping my can of Coke a day will suck but I'll survive.

I'll go over a session some time in the future.  It's weird, but cool but weird.  I could listen to her explain about Chinese medicine all night long.  Yes I'm a total nerd.

Sad

Well the blood test came back negative.  I knew though, I'd been having cramps for two days before the test.  That was even with all the hormones they make you take.

I feel horrible, like maybe I didn't lie still well enough or I lifted something.  You know the "what if" game that so many people play.  Well we talked over the weekend and we've decided we want to try again at least two more times.  So wish us luck and let's hope the second time is the perfect charm.

Thing 1 & Thing 2

Here's a snap shot of Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Ugh!

So I'm on bedrest, first full day here and I'm going nuts.  I'm behaving and not doing anything, but I really want to put up my fall decorations.  I think I just have a hard time sitting still is all.  Now if only my boss would NOT call me while I'm on sick leave to ask the status of things I might be able to relax.  Sadly, I also expect a frickin' "this is not a counseling, counseling" when I return for leaving the team in the lurch because of bedrest.  *eyeroll*  Yes people I am looking for a new job, but its the end of the fiscal year so hiring is tight.  But I will be leaving this boss as soon as I can.  I just hate that I'm leaving good co-workers and the field I love if I can't find another job doing the same thing.  *sigh*

Transfer Time!

Today was transfer day.  We brought Oz with us since we didn't have a sitter.  That's okay.  We set him up with his DVD player or Dad's phone.  We sat down and talked to the doc, got to see the photos of our little embryos and discussed what would happen next.  Oz and the hubby went to the waiting room as I don't think witnessing a medical procedure like that is proper.  The transfer was completed, nothig was left over in the catheter and I was left placed on bed rest for two days.

Please keep us in your thoughts for sticky embryos and a positive test on the 14th!

Retrieval Day

Yesterday was retrieval day. Got Oz dropped off at our friends house at 6am. Got to the clinic, they got my IV in really quick. They gave me all the directions before drugs so I'd actually remember them. After they gave me the first happy drug I sang a bunch of 60's songs (I am the walrus, coo-coo-ka-choo).

I came out of it saying that it hurt to breath. I spent about 2 hours in recovery. Just as they pulled the IV out and I bent over to pull up the choines I told DH I needed to sit down. Two seconds after that I said tell them I'm going to be sick. I dry heaved for a bit, got drugs for the nauseas and finally about 30 minutes later I got to go home.

At home my shoulders started hurting, so I took a loratab and went to bed. Woke up about 7 pm and my shoulders hurt so bad I thought I was going to die. Called the on call doc who proceeded to tell me it was normal. I even repeated taht my symptoms were all on the doc's "call me" list. And was told again it was normal. I ate a grilled cheese took more loratab and passed out for the night.

Got up around 5, and my shoulders felt better. Went back to bed. the RE called at 9 and let us know of the 4 eggs he retreived, 3 fertilized, 2 are normal and one was abnormal. So we will be implanting 2 embryos on Monday, a 3 day transfer. My RE asked how I felt and I explained that I had a ton of shoulder pain but it was better today. He proceeded to tell me (after going, "Oh really?") that it was referred pain. Apparently the retrieval process can cause internal bleeding a little and as the blood travels around in the adominal cavity it irritates the diaphram which makes the shoulders hurt.

So I'm taking it easy today. Really wanted to go to the Chesterfield county fair but I dont think I'll make that. And then on Monday we transfer our little amibas.