Saturday, July 28, 2007

Hello Boston!

Hello Oz! Edward "Oz" (who's real name is being withheld for security purposes) was born via c-section on 26 July 2007 at 13:26 CST. He's 8lbs 3oz, 20 inches long and damn I am TIRED! Happy, healthy and the vain little buggar has his perfectly round little melon

Friday, July 20, 2007

You are kidding me right?

On top of all the medical things we are mulling over for the baby, this is the nasty gram FIL sends to the Hubby:

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2007 6:01 PMTo:
Subject: Mom

Hubby's Name :I will be attending R's funeral on Friday. I am flying to SJ in theam & returning pm.

You have some damage control to do with your mother. She has beenfeeling really crappy with this ongoing vertigo. This amplifiesanything that's bugging her.

She feels excluded from the baby event. She only wants to lavish loveon both of you and the baby. She's not competing with the Household 6's arent or trying to take over your lives. You are her only son and this baby maybe the only grandchild. Who knows? She's been going around the housesaying things like "I have nothing to say to them". "Maybe we'll go toTN in January, maybe not."

Household6 never talks to mom. She wants so much to share in her joy, not take it away or control it. If we did something to alienate you or Household6, let's deal with it.

If you want us to back off, okay, we can deal with that. It's just we have so many friends with grand kids crawling all over them, we want some of that too. This isn't worth losing you over or causing a big problem, but you've got to let us know the rules. We don't want to cause alienation or drive anyone away, so think about this for a while.You don't need to get back to me. If you say I sent you this e-mail Iwill deny every word of it.

We've always been open. We deserve the same.


Here is my response:

Hi P,

Hubby asked me to read this so we could discuss what’s going on and try to work through this together. I am sorry that E isn’t feeling well, I had viral vertigo in Germany and it definitely is not something that anyone could even claim to be considered remotely fun.

I’m sorry she’s feeling excluded and I honestly do not know why she would feel that way. I can only guess and attempt to address the issue. I don’t know where the thought of competition came to light and I can assure you that my parents do not feel like they are in competition with you. We try and be even with both sets of parents so that no one can ever claim that we gave one set more time or more this or than that to the other.

If she does not want to come out at Christmas then why not come out at Thanksgiving instead? The first few weeks of birth I will be in recovery from a c-section. I will not be good company and will not be able to do much as far as entertaining is concerned. The baby will be learning a routine and will not be very interactive at all. By coming few months down the road, Oz will be more interactive, we will have an established routine and be able to spend better quality time with you all.

Hubby has told you that he will be deploying again in XXXX. That gives hubby about 6 months with his child before coming home again to find that his son is now a 2 year old. He will miss a lot of firsts – first tooth, first steps, first words, standing etc. The next time he will get to see him it will be when Oz is speaking, walking and a 2 year old. We would like to spend as much of that 6 months before he leaves with our son, to allow hubby to have as many of those firsts as he can. That doesn’t mean we don’t want you here ever, but that we would like to spend as much of that time with our son. While hubby is deployed you all, me and Oz will be here and able to make plans to visit. You will probably end up seeing him more in those 15 months than hubby will.

Lastly, it will be difficult for us to have you come right after the birth as we are still adjusting to a new home. We have not received any of our utility bills yet to see if we are right in the budget we set. On top of that with hubby planning a major portion of the deployment, he has very little time off of work. Having a little space between him staying home right after the birth to help me and Oz and then when you came out a few months later is a more reasonable request to his command and would more in likely be approved versus trying to take off an entire month in the middle of deployment planning.

(This is in relation to me never speaking to his mother) This statement really isn’t a fair one. In the nine years that we have been married please think about how many times when you have called that you asked to speak with me? Usually if asked at all its one or two questions then there is that silence that you are ready to speak with your son. He’s your son and I can understand it, so I am not hurt by it since my parents often speak more to me than to him. But ‘never’ is not a truthful term especially when I am hardly asked to speak to you.

As for sharing baby joy, I will be honest I am hesitant to speak much about it. I am a private person in nature so many bodily issues aren’t going to be something I’d speak to many if any people about.

The other issue that has bothered me and I have said nothing about it, is that over the course of our marriage and especially within the last few years there were some comments made by you all that really hurt. Maybe and I am sure this is the case that you didn’t know just exactly how hurtful they were, so I am telling you now.

Hubby and I both felt pressure from you to have children. When as a married couple you are also faced with infertility issues, pressure from anyone to have a child amplifies the stress and strain of not being able to have children tenfold. Not getting pregnant month after month that we tried stings and is a struggle all on its own. It was made even harder to bear the disappointment of not being pregnant month after month when you hear comments you made such as:

“We show this picture of Bella to our friends since this is the only grandchild we are going to get.”

“Bella will probably be our only grandchild so we put her picture up there.”

“We were so happy that you finally allowed us to have a grandchild.”

“We’re so happy it’s a boy, you do better with a boy than you could a girl.”

I really don’t think you have any idea how painful those comments were. Unintended or otherwise when we were having difficulty conceiving in the first place it just stung beyond reason. It was just another reminder of how there was something wrong with us, coupled with the subtly that we were somehow slighting you on purpose, denying you grandchildren as some form of punishment.

Again a comment like ‘grandchildren crawling all over you’ is one that comes across as if we were purposely keeping and not having grandchildren to spite you. It stings and isn’t pleasant. If that wasn’t what you mean then I am sorry but its those comments that hurt hubby and I both.

Please also keep in mind that your friends, how many of them have a child in the military? I believe its just EG. Most of your friends and their children live within a 100 mile radius of each other and are able to come over on shorter notice. You raised a son who wants to serve his country and one who has a sense of adventure to include moving where ever the Army takes him. I chose to marry him because I agreed with him and his desire to see the world and his choice to serve his country. It also means that we are often on one income and can’t always afford to fly at a moments notice or to entertain guests with a new budget to establish.

(In response to his last line about being open and deserving the same) As an effort to keep the peace we have often kept quiet when things said or done weren’t always the best nor the kindest. The few times hubby or I have spoken up, often the reprocussions were much worse than saying nothing at all. Hubby received a hurtful letter once from E and when I asked that when extending invitations to my baby shower without my prior knowledge be stopped I never got a response at all - I was given silence. These aren’t actions of being very open. And it often seems that only acceptable response is the one that you want to hear.

Neither one of us want either set of parents to feel like they are being denied their grandchild. We want Oz to know his grandparents and love them. We just have a large amount of things going on in the first year of Oz’s life and want Oz & hubby to have the opportunity to spend it with each other. It doesn’t mean that while hubby is deployed you can’t come visit or we can’t come visit – in fact quite the contrary because we will have a little more money in our budget to be able to accommodate trips out to the grandparents.

All we really need from you is understanding without feelings of guilt being impressed upon us for trying to bond with our child and establish our family as parents and son. We asked to spend more of the first 6 months as time alone with ourselves so hubby can be with his son. It doesn’t mean you can’t visit and December was a time you asked for. Three, four, or 5 visits in a 6 month period right before a 15 month deployment when your son will miss a majority of his own son’s first year of life is more than we can give. As a retired Col and someone who served tours in Vietnam, you must know how much it hurts hubby to know he will miss most of his son’s first year of life and will come home to a 2 year old who may or may not recognize his own father.

Had there not been an upcoming deployment so close to Oz’s birth frequent visits wouldn’t be a concern at all – we just want bonding time with our son before hubby has to spend and miss so much time away from him.

Hubby still needs to read it but pretty much he said what ever I say, he's okay with it. I doubt this will fly well but its going to have to do because I'm not going to play the temper tantrum game from a 60+ year old woman every single time she doesn't get her way. Oye!

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Yes, you guessed it folkd the version failed today. Even with two people pushing, prodding and tugging on the little man he refused to remove his head from under the right side of my rib cage. They tried for 30 minutes to no avail.

So next step is another version attempt next Friday under epidural. If it still doesn't work then they will just give Oz his birthday that day via c-section.

I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I finally got to eat after 21 hours of not being able to and am watching my crappy soap opera before going to bed. *SIGH* I just wish this boy wasn't so frickin' IRISH!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Not Buddha

I may be as round as Buddha, but alas I am not Buddha. Why then do people insist on rubbing my belly as if I am the perfect model of a Laughing Buddha? Rubbing me will not bring you good luck and you are just lucky that I can't waddle fast enough to catch you and smack you for invading my personal space.

I tried what the midwife said tonight. I knelt on the couch and leaned over, put my hands down and slowly dropped my head to the floor. I need to remember to pull my hair back because I got caught on my own hair later. Which was quite comical seeing a big pregnant chick attempt to get back up from that position and whose arms were tangled in her hair. I stayed in that position until I felt like I couldn't really breath well and then came back up. I have no idea how long it is I am expected to stay like that but we will see if it helps in the migration of Oz and his totally fat head!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Went in for my weekly OB appointment and was delivered som crappy news. Oz has decided he wants to enter this world ASS FIRST! Yes, boys and girls the boy is breech. Granted this is my 36th week and there is a chance that he will turn, but not the biggest chance in the world.

The midwife and I talked a bit about the options available. The hubby and I are looking at version but there will be some factors the docs need to tell us in order to see if it actually can be done. They have to check out how big he is, how much amniotic fluid is in there and since I have a fibroid they will probably try and see if they can see it. That's where the real issue is, he may be stuck, on that fibroid and unable to turn. The midwife did push c-section a little bit more than I was comfortable with, but I get from talking to her that it was more like the party line than what she would do.

So we had to set up a plan to bring to the doc I see next week:

1. I've been putting an icepack on his head to get him to try and move some what towards the correct direction. (He bats at the ice pack and moved a little but moves back in my sleep - this is the first try though)

2. If by the 38th week he's still breech, we want to try version.

3. We schedule a c-section ahead of time because it can always be cancelled.

4. We hope he turns still and they let me try and labor even as a breech as long as it is the right kind of breech for a vaginal delivery.

In the event he can't be turned, I really want to know if they have the experience to deal with a breech vaginal birth. It is possible, but the labor is hard and there is still a chance no matter what that we could face a c-section. I just don't want a c-section, especially not in a military hospital. And especially since the last time I had a major surgery in a military hospital me and 15 other patients apparently (I was told so noncholantly like it was so normal) got a bad batch of internal sutures. I ended up with spitting sutures, cutting my own foot open to get them out daily, some sutures are still stuck in there and a hell of a lot of scar tissue that now needs to be removed once I have time.

Scold little Oz for me, maybe guilting him into turning will work and of course pray or happy karmic thoughts are welcome.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

We are moved, mostly unpacked and falling into a routine. Someone said I was long winded once so I will try and make this short....

The movers were typical and it was a typical move. They scratched and nicked just about every piece of wooden furniture we own. Someone did walk off with our Indian carpet runner which sucks. I called asking the storage folks to look for it. They made a "look," and said they couldn't find it. I called back to verify if they found it, found out they hadn't and advised them that I would be making a claim as it was a $500+ carpet. You should have heard the lady choke on her own spit! Uh-duh lady this ain't no Walmart carpet - we got it in Germany in a oriental carpet shop. It will probably end up another 2K worth of replacement and repairs but that seems to be the standard for every move we've ever had. Oh and they tore up our walls pretty good and we are having a bitch of a time trying to find matching paint. We even got inventive and went into the closet, cut our an inch by inch square of the top layer of sheetrock for a paint match - Home depot didn't do a very good job matching, I am totally surprised. So we will keep trying with our scuffed walls.

Baby Oz's stuff is coming along. We ordered his crib, rocker and ottoman. the crib is here and the rocker and ottoman will take a few weeks. We went out last weekend and bought everything else we needed to get to outfit the kid. Mostly goofy crap like baby wipes, a pack of newborn nappies, a few extra onsies in the 0-3 month size etc. We also purchased his bedroom theme set. So I have all the clothes on the floor set out to go through their Dreft run to be baby ready.

I hate this hospital already, and I had good hopes being that it is a very "hooah" unit that'd they have hooah care. I called last Thursday to find out when I could get an appointment. I was told they only do new OB patients Tu & Th and you show up at 0730. I patiently explained my age, that I'm 35 weeks and hadn't been seen for 3 weeks and was there something to be done. After running around in a circle for 5 minutes I tartly told her that I don't think her office really wants to help their patients. Yeah I was being a smart ass, but apparently there are no exceptions. After getting a snotty response from my snotty question I asked to go off post. I was given the head nurses number, called her and left a message with my phone number.

Okay now this Cpt must have graduated cum laude because apparently she can dial my husband's cel phone but not mine. According to her it doesn't work, but the damn number is EXACTLY the same number except for the last 4 digits. I even told her via several messages to not call the husband since he's in a classified building and his cel phone is not only off but the battery must be kept seperate from the phone. Whatever she can bite me...

On Tues I show up at 0710 run into the super bitch of an office assistant, she checks me in and is rude to me. I never gave my name to her so she couldn't have been rude because she knew me she's just rude. A group of us get pulled back at 0750 only to sit in another set of chairs. At 0900 they start taking us back one by one to get our OB's and the like. Keep in mind, I have NOT PEED since 0645 when I left the house because they always want a sample and didn't want to screw that one up. Another lady and I start talking to find out we are both 36 weeks and neither one of us have peed are are pissed off that they haven't even told us if we will see an OB today or not.

I finally get called back at 0940. Being pissed, actually seething would be a good word the tears start. When I get angry I cry, that's just how I roll. I explain that and just ask the triage nurse to make sure she can understand me. I go off on being told "too bad so sad" by the front desk and the stupid nurse who's to frickin' retarded to make phone calls, I haven't been seen for a month and damn it I've GOT to pee. They let me pee and set me up to see someone that afternoon. I'm not high risk enough go get sent off post - apparently I am screwed.

They apologize for the care, me being upset etc and I get my packet to see that I will probably not see the same OB and I only get to deal with the oncall doc the day I give birth. I also asked about birth plans, if they are accepted - but they don't know. Later that day I sign in for my afternoon appointment with a midwife to make sure Oz is okay and that stupid rude bitch of an office assistant decides to talk about me while I sit there. She didn't name me by name but she was talking about my situation and not in a positive manner. She even went off on how I was a so and so's wife like my husband's rank has anything to do with it? Come on they need to provide an exception to people as late in their pregnancy as I am. Shit they have walk in hours, I could have came in last Friday!

So I need to back to the hospital and talk to the patient rep or this Cpt brainiac in the hopes that they seriously consider allowing the front desk to make exceptions for women in their 35th week or greater. Oh and like I feared I don't see the same OB or midwife the last four weeks. In fact my assigned OB is on vacation for two of the four weeks. I get to see him in my 40th week have I not given birth already. What's even a little crazy is asking the midwife - who delivers babies people he believes they accept birth plans but didn't seem 100% sure of himself. So I will need to be an extremely vigilant patient during birth I guess.

So that's us in a nutshell. Not sure if that's short enough but that's what ya get.