Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Fool me once shame on you...

....fool me twice and just really frickin' piss me off. "The Jerk" strikes again. He cornered me tonight. He waited until my "escape buddy" was off for vacation and then HAD to talk to me about something. I shook my head and tried to bee line it out of there but it didn't work. I was channeled like a damn sheep going down the shoot to be shorn into the office. I demanded the door be left open, I kept my dance space but he kept invading it trying to talk quietly.

He doesn't get it. He STILL doesn't get it and all I heard was excuse after excuse for it. Stop trying to dismiss it, stop down playing it like a defense attorney trying to cop a plea to a lesser charge, stop trying to convince me that it was a figment of my imagination - it wasn't, uh duh I've said that before. I started to lose it, to let the little Irish in me loose, ready to rage all over the flimsy excuse and wannabe apology. About the point that a behavior was dismissed for the second time as something he couldn't understand me being flamed over I said I was getting angry and had to go. Damn, mister are you just really that dumb or are you just that nervous about what I may do as reprisal? Ugh, no more talking, just teach. I learn, you teach, nothing more nothing less.

I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I found bliss in ignorance
Less I hear, the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway
Just like before...
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
and I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I found bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Shut up when I 'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP
-Linkin Park

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Something Important

The last few days haven't been so great. There's just to many problems going on close to home. You read about the attacks, the accidents and such, and well it gets to me. I take a personal offense, no kick to the gut when something happens to someone I've met either via blog or otherwise. I got a letter today from the hubby and I thought I would share. It's old, it was post marked from a long time ago but just arrived. I've left out some things to keep it vague and keep things "safe" if there is such a thing.


Here's what I couldn't tell you over the phone. Do you remember how disappointed I was when I didn't get the job I interviewed for? But, I said that it was because I was meant to deploy, I was meant to do something that would be important to someone. Well, I did something yesterday.

One of our small bases had been attacked repeatedly over the last few days. The guys on this base help those that fight the ground war and their ammo supplies were low. If there's no ammo they can't support who they are there for. This situation became critical, they needed their ammo.

Myself & another guy I work with made the arrangements to get what they needed. Unfortunately this mission wasn't going to complete during my shift, so I had to pass it off to the new guy. As I left to go to the chow hall, something in my gut told me that there might be a problem. As I ate my dinner and my feeling of dread grew.

Returning to work I found out that in only 45 minutes time the new shift had screwed the mission. It took another 20 minutes to fix it and we just finished right before the transportation was set to leave. I waited around to ensure that the ammo arrived.

Later on the same day they were attacked again, but were able to repel and counter attack the insurgents using the ammo drop I set up. I earned my pay today; our guys took no casualties.

I'm glad when things go well, when it either never gets violent or that it ends peacefully without injury. I'm glad he was able to help someone else who needed his help. I'm glad the soldiers got what they needed. I just wish there were more days like these.

Monday, June 27, 2005

The creepy crawlers have got to go!

While traveling a few years back in Africa, Tanzania to be exact my husband and I went on a nature hike with a Masai tribe member. He left his village to attend college, studying to become an ecologist. After graduating he came back to support his village as a nature guide. The walk was nice but a little unnerving to tell you the truth. I am not the most courageous person when it comes to snakes and I am allergic to bees, but other than that, I pretty much leave the bugs alone and vice versa. So bugs snakes weren't the problem. I thoroughly enjoyed the beauty of my surroundings and all the new information I was learning about the ecosystems. In fact I became stuck so some sticker bush during the hike and within a minute he had some goo on my finger that stopped the stinging and the bleeding for the thorn. But, having an armed guard dressed in OD green military gear carrying around a very old looking Russian type M16 to watch my six gave me the heebie-geebies. Whether he was protecting us from the bison or from from poachers or both is still a mystery to me.

Later in the evening back at the bar of the nature preserve we were staying at, our guide sat down with us, and a few of us bought him a round of beer. He was a handsome man and had a very pleasant personality. We enjoyed hearing about his childhood and how he repays his village by helping to buy supplies and teach them new natural farming and herding methods. Some where in the evening this incoming dung beetle smacks me in the arm. They are attracted to the lights of course and screens are only used as netting over your bed. As my leg and boot is poised strategically over the bug who’s has a poop eater as a past time hobby, Mr Masai scoops up the bug and tells me, “It is only a little beetle, he has done you no real harm, why not place him back outside into nature?” I told him he could be my guest and place Mr. Poopeater where he wanted as long as it was away from me. He continues to tell me about the circle of life and where/how Mr. Poopeater fits in. The whole time we are talking he’s playing with the bug. It’s crawling all over his hands, up and down his arms, etc. Now okay fine, you didn’t want me to crush the bug, but all these sanitary things go flying through my head while a man plays with a bug that eats poop, blech! La, asante Mr Masai guy! (Swahili for No thanks)

The point behind this is that the last few days it’s been a heat wave as far as Germany is concerned. Of course all my windows are open and without screens (nope the things I bought have not gone up yet) the creepy crawlers are everywhere. The words of this probably really wise Masai were running through my thoughts up until the point where I killed my 10th mosquito and my 15th wasp. I am sorry but since these can and do harm to me do I have free reign to smack the crap out of them?

Asante sana squashed banana…Did you know how many words from the Lion King were actual Swahili? It took me going to Africa to find out but there are quite a few. I learned a few others as well. I like languages, but I've been told I'm strange on a regular basis.

Friday, June 24, 2005

The five things I just don't get...

I was blogchain-lettered which actually makes me feel pretty good, so there other people besides me and my brother that read my blog - ha, ha, ha. I could really name much more than 5 things but here goes:

1. Road contsruction/repair in Germany. In CA they only do the work after rush hour and into the night. Here they start at 0600 and work until 1800. Considering Germany has mostly two lane roadways you get stuck in traffic jam after jam. It's pretty sad when you have a conversation with the car next to you and you've seen them in the same jam for the last three days!

2. Screens or the lack there of...Most if not almost all places in Germany do NOT have air conditioning or screens. I can get used to the heat or even grab the dog and drive around in the car for an hour. What I can't or hate dealing with are the creepy crawlers that come in because of the open window and non-existant screen. I finally bought some temporary stuff so I can leave my bedroom window open at night without fear of being eaten alive.

3. With girls that look like boys and that's supposed to be sexy? What ever happened to big boobs, small waist and curvy hips as being considered sexy. I am still a little overweight (But I am a loser), but seriously if I were to be as skinny as some of the celebrities I see, you would think I was related to Mr. Burns from the Simpsons or least run me to the hospital before I die of a tapeworm.

4. MTV. Does anyone remember when MTV actually played vidoes? You know back in the day where I watched Billy Idol sing "white wedding" before driving to school in the morning. It seems that videos just didn't cut the marketing and profit margins of MTV, so maybe they should change their name to RTV instead? (Reality TV)

5. Reality marriage/date shows. I can see Survivor, The Apprentice and even the Swan as things that are okay subjects for reality TV. What I don't get is why date on national TV, with 6-8 other girls or guys to attempt to marry someone in 6 weeks? Maybe I am just too pragmatic but can you really fall in love with all that crap going on in 6 weeks?

I don't know enough people to pick 5 so I have only 3 - CalleyValleyGirl, The Girl and I am really curious to see what MJ has to say.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Sleep? Me no need no stinking sleep

My sleeping habits have finally gone to pot. Sleep studies have shown that because you spend the first 18 years or so of life sleeping alone that you tend to get a better night’s sleep when your spouse is gone. I apparently am once again the odd ball who needs him here to get some sleep.

I am definitely a person who needs seven or more hours a sleep a night. I can make do with less if it’s only for a few days here and there. But, if I consistently get less than seven you better watch out as I turn into on cranky bitch! Knowing this I normally maintain a really good sleep regime and hit the bed by 2200 during the week.

Unfortunately I saw this pattern develop where I keep staying up later and later each night before he deployed. It started several months before the deployment as he wasn’t home most of the time attending training or planning conferences. Of course as soon as he returned I was back into the perfect pattern. What so annoying is for the last 3-4 days I’ve gotten maybe four hours sleep and it’s starting to take its toll. The weather is warm, which can make it harder to sleep but this is getting silly. I’ve been migrating slowly from my 2200 ‘hit the racks’ time to now midnight. When you get up at o’dark-thirty (0445) in order to get to work on time, midnight is a really crappy time to go to bed. The sad part is that everyday I tell myself, “okay lets hit the racks by 2230, I need the sleep.” It just doesn’t happen or if it does I can’t sleep and spend three hours tossing and turning trying to fall asleep.

So if you see this silver blur barreling down the autobahn with the driver clutching the steering wheel in one hand and a Redbull in the other, that would be me trying to wake up and get to work on time!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Senator Biden furious over attending the return of fallen service members

Senator Biden was spitting mad over not being able to be a spectator while service members killed in Iraq were being deplaned in Dover. I am not sure that he has all that much reason to get his knickers in a twist. To just ‘show up’ at Dover and except to be allowed out on the tarmac is asking a bit much in my opinion. I can see being quite upset when the parents of a deceased soldier asked if he could come as their guest was told he could not attend (without permission from the Pentagon) – here there’s a direct link to the service member by the request of a family.

Some folks just want their privacy, and don’t want a bunch of high profile people and possibly the media hovering like vultures outside the military installation shoving cameras in their face once they exit the installation.

Senator Biden has the right idea of honoring the fallen, but needs to look at it from a little bit more private perspective of the families. Whomever is making the judgment call that even if invited by a family, a Senator needs permission from the Pentagon needs to DELEGATE. I am quite sure the installation commander can make this decision and punish the wicked if they break a rule or protocol.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

I told you she was lip syncing

Duran Duran was awesome! I had the greatest time. I will try at a Reader’s Digest version of this to not more everybody but I will probably fail miserably.

My late Thursday night and my early Friday morning were interrupted by set of disturbing phone calls. The first call came when I was still awake at least (I was watching the Swan). A friend calls around ten ‘til midnight, upset, crying and wailing about bleeding all over the place. Highly concerned, I start with the 20 questions formula to assess the situation. A Neighbor was on her way over to help stop the bleeding. I’m like 6 villages away and although in my PJ’s I would have went over if she needed me to. I got most of the story at least what I could understand and was perplexed. It was an issue where two people, family in fact beat up on each other for what ever stupid reason. Judgment on who was right and who was wrong I am pretty much keeping under reserve. You aren’t supposed to beat up on your family, and definitely not if they are the opposite gender.

The second call and my wake up call for the concert date provided me with a much calmer version of what happened the night before and that while at a doctor’s appointment for one thing she was going to get her face x-rayed to make sure there weren’t any hairline fractures. The story didn’t change much so even in the height of the action she remembered the whole thing. Geesh, remind me not get into a row with my brother! Me as an almost black belt and him being 6’3” and 200+ lbs should be a sight for any bystander.

So with my friend’s shenanigan’s aside, I set off to meet up with Miss J and head to the concert. I am a pretty decent navigator so the evening before I pulled out all the proper maps and had “googled” the outdoor arena to figure out exactly where it was. I even highlighted on the map the route to take so Miss J could follow it. We arrived in good time and parked right in the lot next to the arena. After setting up our packs, we headed to the nearest ticket booth looking for where the Promoter had left our tickets.

This turned into a bit of an annoying point of the day and seriously raised my blood pressure. Since I can be lazy, I always ask in German if they can speak English. I don’t have to think I can just talk. Everybody we ran into that day all stated that they couldn’t speak English. So I went ahead and in my best German explained that she had won tickets and we needed to pick them up. The girls in the booth were cute and got all excited about the fact that we had won tickets. Unfortunately, ours were not at their booth. We had to go to the main entrance to find our tickets. After getting some horrible standard “girl” directions we headed off to find the main gate.

After a 15 fifteen minute walk downhill the whole way we found the place. I asked a male security guy if this was the main gate that the other ticket booth said to come here and get the tickets we won. I then asked when the kasse (booth) would be open. He told me between 1730 and 1900. I repeated what I heard back thinking the man was talking in dialect or something – nope, he really didn’t know but somewhere in that time frame. So we got a little stressed the concert started at 1930 and we still weren’t totally positive we were in the right place.

That’s when we noticed that no cameras were allowed. Miss J put hers in my rucksack since I was the only one carrying a bag. I asked her if she could live if the camera was taken and she said no. So we headed back up to the car – fifteen minute walk all uphill now. By the time we got back down to the gate, I was sweaty, sticky and the hair was a mess. We continued to wait. Finally at about 1750 a man came down to open the kasse. Miss J & I pounced on the man prattling our story (her in English, me in German). He couldn’t find an envelope with her name on it and started to walk off. He couldn’t even bother to say anything. Miss J looks at a guest list provided by Duran Duran and sees her name. Wildly she starts shouting and pointing at the paper. “Where Miss J, Where?” I ask so I can say it in German. Finally after much waiting and patients while the completely open the kasse we get our tickets. Miss J had to point it out since her name is completely American and there’s no German equivalent – they were confused when I said the name out loud.

FINALLY! The gates open and we start trucking to the front. If we couldn’t have backstage passes then we would have front row seating (standing actually). Miss J and I hoofed it down a grass embankment showing great skill and agility. We ended up just to the left of center stage right against the barrier. We quickly planted our belongings and our behinds. After about five minutes, I went out and did a little recon for food, Miss J then went out for t-shirts. We pretty much hung out the rest of the time goofing around. My cell has the best picture of her, looking seriously crazy, eyes twisted, tongue out – it is the best blackmail.

The first group came out with no introduction. It was Lisa somebody??? Well right away I could tell she was lip syncing. The vocal track was way to clear to be live. As she was saying “thank you” in the most obnoxious way her voice track for the next song started. Everybody in the audience started jeering at her. Miss J and I completely tuned her out at that point and started reminiscing about being teenagers and being madly in “crush” with which member of DD.

The second band was actually pretty good and did not involve fakin’ it at all. I will have to add their link to my blog later on. Their music was good and after their set she came out and talked to us in the front row. She signed promotional cards and passed them out to people. They are from Denmark, and she is one of the most strikingly beautiful women I have ever seen. We praised her highly compared to the first act and she didn’t seem to mind. She was curious about our accent (I have an accent – tee hee hee), and asked where we were from. She thought we were really dedicated fans to come from the US, little did she know in reality I only drove 2.5 hours from my house.

The roadies finished clearing and setting the stage for DD. We started to get all excited and goofy wondering if in their 40’s if they still looked as good as we remembered. When they came out I think we both nearly died. They still look good! Man even with the slight ‘bauch’ on Simon the man is still good looking. John looks like he hasn’t changed a bit – just coloured his hair. Anyways I am not good with set lists so I won’t bother trying to recant what was played. I was saddened that they didn’t play ‘Electric Barbarella.’ That song has become a favourite of mine and a theme song of sorts for when Miss J and worked together. They played in all for I think 1.5 hours.

Man it was a great night and a great set! I really enjoyed seeing them live and was not disappointed at all. I think it tied with me seeing Eurasure back in high school for the best concert I’d ever been to. If you get the chance go and see them!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Enjoy the silence

Awkward. If I could only use one word to describe yesterday’s interaction with “the jerk who smashed my trust to smithereens” I would have to say awkward. Yesterday was my fist encounter working with him since the incident. I couldn’t look him in the eye. I think only once while taking directions did I ever make eye contact and it lasted but only briefly before I found his shoulder to look at instead. Looking at him directly, fleeting images cross my mind of the past events and it makes my stomach turn so it’s better to find the shoulder to focus on instead.

Overall it went better than I thought, at least for me it did. I just kept my distance, always keeping someone within my range of sight. According to my “escape buddy”, the jerk didn’t get near me either nor look at me much. I liked hearing that, maybe what I am putting out there (my vibe) and his own conscious has hit home that he was wrong, very very frickin’ wrong.

I am still adjusting to all this. I am trying to focus on my goals while I am still here and let this pass, too much talking or harping on the subject just gets me riled up and pissed off all over again. Every time I recant the story I end up reliving images in my head that make me shudder and cringe, I need to refocus on what’s important to me. I will not fail, I will meet my goals. For all those who stand in my way, “Póg mo thóin.”

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

MilBloggers beware

I knew it wouldn’t take long before the military decided to crack down on bloggers in some shape or form. The memo can be found here. For me this is total crap. Over 95% of the bloggers I’ve been reading don’t compromise OPSEC or CAO notification. So registering your blog is just another form of censorship.

I am having images of how letters used to show up in WWII back home – letters filled with little rectangles cut out of them to remove information that may be considered sensitive and how will this relate to a Milblogger's post. Will there be little black bars over the "sensitive" parts or just what the Military finds offensive? Gee, I guess there will be a ton of soldiers who will have to take the sensitivity training for others again as a remedial course. People will find away around this, just in case the Army hasn’t figured that out yet.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Super geek and loving it

So I arrive at work today, feeling ill from the cold I've caught, which is exacerbated by the fact that I took a hard hit to a pressure point in my neck in karate recently and I open my email to find some details about the concert this weekend. I nearly covered the flat screen with toffee coffee I was laughing so hard at the geekiness of my friend:
Well, I gotta run for now. I will talk with you later on. Hope you have a wonderful day! Hey, did you see the "New Moon on Monday" it was located right around "Rio" and it caused a lot of "Wild Boys" to run crazy on "Planet Earth" because they were "Hungry Like the Wolf." The antidote for their crazy behavior....spending 1 hour plugged into an "ElectricBarbarella"!

This was really cute and I am sorry but I liked it. I am such a Duranie and a geek. But look at Bill Gates he was a geek and now he just about gets what ever he wants.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Trust your gut

Ever have one of those gut feelings and dismissed it? Sometimes you meet people and they come across okay. So you go out on a limb and start to build a relationship with them, beyond the normal course of business that brought you into their sphere. In general you putter about, content enjoying the friendship you found. Then some where in that relationship out surfaces a kink, it’s minor so you dismiss it. Unfortunately you will later regret dismissing your gut reaction.

I had a friend of mine cross the line and break trust. I just feel heavy hearted and introspective. I had a “squicky” feeling a few years ago, a seemly innocent incident and dismissed it. Even the spouse said that it had to be benign and to let it go. I wish I hadn’t as now I can’t say that I like this. Even with a discussion about it all, things are still tense (well as least for me as there’s no trust). I trust him about as far as I can throw a VW bug.

You would just expect people that are your friends to be there to help you and protect you from the perils of the world while the spouse is gone protecting a nation, instead you get hit with a cheap shot sucker punch and an apology that was so thin I could read through it like tissue paper. Human nature pisses me off sometimes, you read about the average male or female and you laugh thinking that these statistics are some how not really valid. Then you witness and become a statistic of human behavior.

Why are people so predictable? I am angry with myself, and this situation. It just pisses me off that people think it is okay to violate your trust, (in fact almost blow it off as a moot point like nothing really happened) and then blame it on something else.

Why didn’t I listen to my gut instinct? Always trust your gut.

Feelings of frustration

You pick your friends based on something you find of interest in them. Maybe they are the opposite of you or maybe they are so similar to you its scary. Either way you find some quality in them that interests you. So when it comes to manners, do I set the bar to high? Heaven knows I am not perfect and I make mistakes on a regular basis, but the core values I don’t normally break. So am I expecting too much out of my friends when I get angry when they fail to hold those core values themselves?

A friend of mine for the last two weeks has run into the issue of forgetting that Galileo does exist, and that the world does not revolve solely around them. I don’t like sitting home alone all the time so in general if I was invited to go somewhere I did. Lately though it’s just been that everything had to be done her way. I guess I could have spoken up about wanting to do different things but most of the choices were okay with me.

Sadly, my feelings are a bit hurt. You see from my perspective, I was called to go places on a regular basis because she was fighting with her siblings. So since she couldn’t call the brother or sister-in-law I feel like I was the one that was called may not have been had others been available for her to call instead. As soon as the family feud subsided I seemed to fall off the speed dial. Normally I just let thing slide and try to give people a break, especially since her health isn’t all the greatest and her spouse is deployed like mine. What really irked me though was watching her treat another person poorly and then partially place me in the middle of it.

For about two weeks now Miss T had sent out an email for one of those Tupperware deals. She only invited a few folks because large crowds scare her. I said I was going but my other friend never responded. She never called, never answered the email, etc. A few times I was asked whether she would make it or not. So during a phone call I asked and she said yes. So I told Miss T that she was going to go.So as a reminder I sent the copy of the email back to my friend a week before the event. The response I got was that “we’ll see if I can go.” I politely reminded her that she had already told me she was going and I had told Miss T that. For the rest of that week (and the week before) I had little to no contact with her. Every time I called the cell phone wasn’t answered or was off. Now if I didn’t return a phone call from her within two hours she called repeatedly and would send Miss T over to my house to make sure I wasn’t dead. But, hey she’s a grown up so if she didn’t return the call I didn’t freak. I just thought it was rude to hold one standard for your friends but not for yourself. The one or two responses I got during the week via email stated that she was extremely busy at work and getting off late everyday. Okay no problem - people get busy with things all the time.

So Friday rolls around, I am at work on my day off and was hiding from everyone long enough to do a little catch up work. Miss A and I had sent an email or two to each other that day and I relayed that the day before the hubby had dumped a large problem to be worked on me and I wasn’t thrilled. I also said that the night at Miss T’s was on but since all but me, Miss A and one other person had flaked out I was going to go. Miss T has a little bit of social anxiety so I said I was still going and we were going to watch movies and hang out. I got another email back saying that I couldn’t keep her in suspense and had to tell her what was going on. Well let’s see I am in on my day off because I have WORK to do, I want to get my work done and go home. I didn’t respond to her request of spilling the dirt - I figured I could do it later. Around 7pm and a minute from Miss T’s I get a phone call asking me what I am doing. I tell Miss A that I am a minute from Miss T’s. So she asks me again what was going on, I responded that there’s not enough time to go over that as I am a minute from their house. So I get the smart assed response “well you tell me when you’re ready.” I told her it’s not that I am not ready but I don’t have the time, I am expected to be somewhere. So I was told to tell Miss T that Miss A couldn’t make it.

Anyways the next morning I woke at o’dark thirty to drive with some friends from work to go to Vilseck to buy crystal. At about 1500 I called Miss A to see what she’s doing for the evening as maybe after a nap I might want to have dinner. Come to find out the poor woman is in the hospital again. She thinks she might have a blood clot, but has been putting it off for a week now. Her and her sister-in-law had already made plans to go see a movie but she may not make it. I asked if the boys needed a ride home from work and when I would be back in the area. It was left up in the air at the moment so I said I would check in with her later. About 1730 I called and she was still in the ER. I went ahead and picked up her eldest. We stopped by my house took the dog potty, fed her and unloaded my crystal. I was supposed to wait at her house in case they admitted her so I could bring an overnight bag and pick up her other son who was at the hospital. I get a call about 1850 from her son saying that I am to go to McDonald’s near the theater. I am tired and getting a cranky. Why in heavens name do I have to go all the way over there? Her son sounds confused (because I being a cranky booger) and states that we are going to the movies. When I ask what movie, I don’t want to see it and that shows up in my voice. So through the phone I hear the guilt trip of Miss A about how she thought I wanted to hang with them. If they were going to see something I didn’t want to see and I am tired why go? I’d rather sleep and am getting crankier by the minute. So I go anyways to avoid an argument. At the end of the evening it was talked about that they would be going to another movie on Sunday in the early afternoon. I said I would like to go.

Today I call about an hour before the movie since I’ve heard from no one and make sure they are still going. She says she’s out shopping and to meet at the theater. I arrive about 1320 because of a call from the spouse. The younger son tells me they’ve already bought their tickets and said they told the man to set one aside for me in row seven. Now if the shoe were on the other foot I would have bought the ticket and asked for the money later. They knew I was coming so it’s not like they would have lost out on their money. Even if I didn’t make it, I would have paid them for the ticket. What got worse was that their eldest son decided to be polite (they are both great young men) and waited in line with me, only to have the youngest come with the ticket and say they were going inside. That just did it in for me. First you flake on a person on Friday, by never having the common courtesy to ever RSVP for the party, then you expect me to be rude and sit on the side of the road and tell you all about a problem I am having when I am expected to be at someone’s house. Apparently sitting and watching movies wasn’t interesting enough to her so she went out to dinner with someone else, but asked me to tell the hostess that she wasn’t going to be there. So the attitude that it’s all about her extends to not waiting for me at the theater or even being kind enough to buy a ticket for me. And then I get left out in the lobby while everyone else takes their seats? But of course we waited for her to return from the hospital, slowed down while we walked and made sure that we all went in together the night before. So the little things are starting to add up and they are really starting to piss me off.

So I guess I expect my friends RSVP to people & call when if they can’t make it. If a person is running late, (like a call from Afghanistan) set them up the best you can. Don’t chew out your friends without hearing the whole story first. Lastly, during heated discussions, when one friend tries to tell another that they are being rude it might not be wise to talk to them like they are a sixteen year. Some folks use colourful language like “fucking” and I’ll be damned if I didn’t hear said to me numerous times while trying to keep people from driving when they shouldn't be.

So do I expect too much? Or should I just expect that I am to be treated as the friend that’s called when no one else is around, when it suits them or when there’s something that needs to be done? I am a giving person by nature. I honestly don't mind picking up kids two minutes from my house and then hitting dinner near their home or having them stay with me for the weekend. I don't expect money, gifts or any type of repayment. I help people because they need help, but you shouldn’t leave a person feeling like they are being taken advantage - not by being asked to help (that's not the problem) but that all of a sudden the request for help disappears when other folks are back in the "circle of trust."

I am so frustrated & hurt.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Simon LeBon is still cute!

My friends totally ROCK! I just got the best phone call in like I don't know since the VTC. I am going to see DURAN DURAN next friday!!!! I am so excited in case you can't figure it out. My friend and I both entered a contest for tickets and promised to take each other if we won.

Well she just got her phone call about twenty mintues ago and I am just like an eight year old high on sugar on Christmas morning!

Yeah! Thank you Miss J!!! (Please tell "the Man" I am sorry I bogarted his seat)

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Never been considered typical

I received an email today from another blogger. He responded to a comment I made about one of his entries. He also thanked me for writing about the trials and tribulations I face as a military spouse. His spouse is still new to being a military wife and he said she feels better knowing that she’s not alone in some of the silly situations that can happen.

Reading the portion of the email about the mishaps as a spouse reminded me an American Dream episode I’d seen recently. If you haven’t seen the show it’s based on a family living in Philly, PA during the late 1950’s and early 1960’s. It deals with the race riots, race relations and has just started a story arc that touches on Vietnam. The eldest son was the all star football player who lost his scholarship by injuring his knee. To pay for college and to pursue his dream JJ decided to follow the foot steps of John Glenn – join the military, go to college and become an astronaut. JJ also decided to marry his high school girlfriend Beth.

Here’s where the story arc hits right close to home. Beth traveled to meet JJ at his duty station. She’s a freshman in college some where and took the bus to meet him and JJ’s buddies. Beth was left at the spouses’ table and sat listening to the conversation. She felt out of place and was being berated horribly because of her ambition. This particular set of women had completely different ideas of what it meant to be a wife than she did. They didn’t understand why she was going to college, why she wanted to work outside the home and how come she wasn’t pregnant yet. Trying to avoid any further grilling from the inquisition committee, Beth exits the conversation quickly and quietly.

I have been in Beth’s place to many times to count. The criteria for not fitting in may have been different but the end result was the same – I was the square peg attempting to fit into a round hole and those women were going to make it obvious that I just didn’t fit. To strike up a good piece of imagery, visualize spending the evening stuck at the table of the Mad Hatter’s tea party from "Alice and the Looking Glass."

If you were to ask me to pidgin hole or stereotype one of these women, to define them for easy avoidance, you can’t – not really. They don't fit neatly in any one category. It wasn’t always the officer wife, or always the stay at home mom. It wasn’t always the college educated either. This type of person seems to cross through all boundaries (regardless of rank, education, religion or status) falling where ever on the spectrum of people. You just learn to spot them by listening and watching how they behave – and then you steer clear of them as best you can.

I of course don’t make things easy in situations like these. I am not a typical military wife. I told my husband on the day we were married, “I don’t own a Jackie Kennedy hat, I won’t wear white gloves, I don’t cross my legs at the ankle and I don’t care what’s on the man’s epaulets, if he’s an ass I will be the first to tell him so.” He laughed so hard at my comment and told me we’d be in for one hell of a ride.

Living up to my declaration, regardless of rank I talk to them. I asked the SGM of the Army what one of his ribbons was for because I had never seen it. My husband stood with his mouth slightly agape just in awe at the fact that I introduced myself and then asked my question. I’ve met and spoke with Mrs. Shinseki on FRGs, talked to a myriad of Generals and drive on. There will be no changing me on that one. (Sorry, my dear)

Thanks to that stubborn, fight for the underdog, outspoken determination I seem to have friends from everywhere and anywhere. They are from all ranks, any ethnic group, religion and gender. I am too Californian to get caught up in overt pretension. As long as you don’t endanger someone or yourself and you don’t shove your views down someone’s throat, then do what you want. Life wouldn’t be interesting if you didn’t have friends that you could disagree with about something. So why place yourself in such a small niche of people who think, speak, and believe exactly what you do? How boring is that?

So have hope, out there are great people who don’t care about your spouse's rank, who don’t care if you work at home or go into an office, they don’t even care if you ever stepped foot in college. Once you’ve found someone and you connect with them on some level you will be amazed at the distances you can travel and still call them a friend.

The military life can be the most interesting groupings of microcosms; it's endless hours of study for a true people watcher like me.

What's wrong with fiesty?

I had to laugh at myself today. I caught a glimpse of my arm and after seeing the multiple bruises left by my over zealous partner in karate the day before I started to think better of calling for the doctors appointment I need. The left side has one bruise that covers a small space spread out into a long thin rectangle. My right arm has three or so bruises spread out over the radius where I make contact with my partner’s punches.

The last time I went in to the doctor was for my annual exam and was a day or so after testing at the dojo. I was covered in bruises on my arms, a few in the ribs, knees and a small ‘shiner’ I received while free fighting. Of course doing his proper duty the doc asks me if I am in fear of my life at home. I crack up laughing and tell him what I do as a hobby, ensuring him that my spouse had never lifted his hand to me ever, not even in jest. I even promised to provide pictures of my school with my Sensei if he didn't believe me.

So I just sit here and laugh at myself. I have the worst timing sometimes and need to not succumb to the feisty little ‘tomboy’ in me who doesn’t mind the bruising as long as it provides a great story to recant later.

...Let me tell you about the time I was fighting this guy in class and when I was pulling him out of the ring he turned and…

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Thoughts on a warrior's ethos

Maj D has a nicely written entry today. I especially liked the comment that LH wrote.

People are still coming to terms with the wars going on and reaching a status of complete understanding is not likely to come soon for the masses (myself included). Each person struggles with some part of the argument or concept no matter who they are or their status.

Maj D writes:

"This war will be won through the knowledge that the warrior cannot be separated from the human, that we can no longer fight wars by separating all that is decent and humane from our actions in relentless destruction of those who mean us harm, but rather by the embodiment of decency and humanity in our warrior ethos in order to secure victory through peace."

I kind of agree with this. I am still taking the thought in and processing it, but I think it's true. You can't keep them separate, that's like asking a lion not to chase prey. But, if you try to use more of humanity while protecting your (or another's) nation your warrior ethos as he said will be more apt to have better judgement. Or at least allow for the decisions to be shaped by a more multifacted thought process.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Still in Euphoria

I am still riding high in the euphoria of Sunday. I think Deena Carter says it best:

If you get out in the driving rain
Stand in the eye of the hurricane
And never think twice

If you turn your back on selfishness
And your thoughts are for someone else
'Cause they've changed your life

That's how you know it's love
That's how you know it's meant to be
When the span of forever
Just never seems long enough
That's how you know it's love

When your heart insists that you give it all
When you no longer fear the fall
And you just let go

When the past is finally dead and gone
Fate leads you somewhere to the one
That has your soul


No part of you questions
No part of you doubts
You're only sure this is what love's about
And nothing and no one
Can stand in your way
Or keep you from saying what your heart is dying to say


That's how you know it's love
That's how you know it's meant to be
That's how you know it's love
That's how you know it's love

Soldier's Wife

I ran across this while looking at another blogger I read. I liked it. It was very insightful, especially from a reverse perspective. I will have to read AS' blog more often.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Twelve minutes in heaven

Ever play the kids game seven minutes in heaven? On Sunday I spent twelve minutes in heaven except for the being felt up by some boy in the closet. No, my little bit of heaven was with my husband.

It was my first VTC with him where I actually got to see him, no arguing with the rear detachment, no changing the schedule 60 times and no real problems. This was a complete 180 from last time.

I’ve been having nightmares all week long, fearing that I would some how miss him. I dreamt that I had the wrong time, overslept, and even completely forgot. Even while I was driving to the unit HQ, I had a knot in my stomach thinking that some how I has missed the time and didn’t know it.

I walked into the hallway of the HQ and was met by faces that all had the look that I felt, fear, joy, and nervousness all rolled into one pitiful look. There were chairs in the hall but I chose to stand because there were several little munchkins running about and I wanted them to have a seat if they needed it.

Eventually I got to sit and started talking to a woman who was a fiancé of a soldier. She’s German, quite pretty, and very nice to talk to. She moved from her town up north to our neck of the woods about 4 months before her fiancé deployed. She started to relay some of her own horror stories of trying to take care of business while not being married to the man. I can empathize with her, she was stuck on several occasions and it’s still tough for her to get things done – even getting on post to go to the VTC required someone to sign her on. The things we do for love right?

Finally for what seemed like forever, it was my turn. It was great to see him. He looked good, tan (for a man that doesn’t tan), and even a little thick. His free time is used at the gym and it shows. As with satellites, there was a slight delay with the audio. I am used to that, so I just stared at the image while waiting for the response to come across. I caught myself on the second screen once or twice and I looked the complete grinning idiot. My smile was huge, and plastered on my face. It must have looked like a cheerleader smile during a competition; sans the Vaseline on the teeth (I didn’t need the help keeping the smile).

We giggled often and I mean often. I think it was because we were both nervous. I remember when we were getting our engagement picture taken. He giggled a lot which was out of character for him, until I realized he was nervous and didn’t want our picture going out with him looking silly so he started to giggle. We mostly had small talk, he wanted to bring the “portable Genesh” with him but it was too heavy and decided against it. Mostly we just stared at each other trying to see all the changes that have happened over the past three months.

Cpt F (I can’t call her Gomer anymore, she redeemed herself…mostly) stuck her head in and gave me the one minute warning. We were amazed that 11 minutes had already passed. We said our I love you’s and then the door opened. I had to cut him off so we wouldn’t take away from the next family. As I scurried out the door I heard another I love you and I hollered back that I’d see him soon.

Someone had conveniently placed a box of tissues on the conference table; I grabbed one early on and was wringing it throughout the conversation – that tissue was quite beat up by the time I actually used it to wipe away a tear. I was elated and sad at the same time and I just wanted to flee to the car with my thoughts and the image of my baby in my mind. The young woman I was talking to earlier was in her car and honked at me. I jumped 8 feet in the air. She rolled down the window and we spoke briefly. I was really in my own world that I need to call her and apologize. She probably thinks I was really rude. Besides that since she is not so close to her family now and lives alone while waiting, I should give her a call and make sure she’s doing alright.

I am in seventh heaven today, I float around the office and tell anyone who will listen that I finally got to see him…..Next month I get to see him again and I can’t wait.

Another 12 minutes in heaven just 4 weeks away.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Let's institute national service

I read the Huffington Post blog every couple of days. I like John Cusack and he's posted a couple of blog lines there. It's usually an interesting read, but this blog entry really torqued me up. Mr. Kornbluth called the military a "killing machine". This remark echoes the bullcrap that came about during Vietnam, what's next is he going to spit on soldiers as they come home? Scream babykiller and other idiotic insults?

Okay, fine not everyone wants their child to join the military, to me that's sort of a NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) kind of statement but I will give them their opinion and remain off of the soapbox for the moment. So if there's no recruitment allowed, then what shall we institute a draft? I personally do not like that idea for the pure and simple fact that it leaves to much of a chance for a royal cluster screw for those that want to be in the service. Primary example is Vietnam where there were many draftees that were poor soldiers on purpose - this endangers the lives of others and is a stupid method of getting out of the service as it usually meant getting you or someone else killed in the process.

So what's my solution without a draft? Model a program similar to what Germany has for its young adults. Young adults have to do some kind of national service. You may spend 2 years in the military or 5 years (I think 5) working as a civil servant. This isn't a bad plan as far as I can see. Those that abhorrently disagree to the military could become civil servants, or work for say the Peace Corps or Doctors without Borders kind of program. This can give young adults a chance to see the world outside of their own little sphere (Yes Virginia there is a Galileo), as well as give back to society.

I guess these next few generations could stand to learn a little bit about social responsibility as long as it doesn't interrupt their trip to the mall in daddy's BMW SUV, right?

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

A clockwork orange a la juvenile?

What the hell? When I was 12 the biggest fear we had was who we would play with on the weekend. Now a bunch of 11-12 year olds attempt to murder a 5 year boy.

Where were the parents in all this mess?

Another MilBlogger is signing off

Unfortunately a GOOD MilBlogger is signing off. This is your war has decided that the new request to register his MiBlog with his command is just too much. Whether he doesn't want to deal with having a PAO read his crap first or the fact that he can't be as truthful as he has been, he is stopping his entries.

I really enjoy his writing. He's truthful, grity, captivating and straight forward about the perils he faces every day during patrols in Iraq. This even includes the personal trials he's enduring with the stresses of being in a combat zone. It's a true shame that he's going off line but, I am glad the man is standing up for his prinicples but this sucks, bigtime!

God bless him, Team MAYHEM and all their families.