You pick your friends based on something you find of interest in them. Maybe they are the opposite of you or maybe they are so similar to you its scary. Either way you find some quality in them that interests you. So when it comes to manners, do I set the bar to high? Heaven knows I am not perfect and I make mistakes on a regular basis, but the core values I don’t normally break. So am I expecting too much out of my friends when I get angry when they fail to hold those core values themselves?
A friend of mine for the last two weeks has run into the issue of forgetting that Galileo does exist, and that the world does not revolve solely around them. I don’t like sitting home alone all the time so in general if I was invited to go somewhere I did. Lately though it’s just been that everything had to be done her way. I guess I could have spoken up about wanting to do different things but most of the choices were okay with me.
Sadly, my feelings are a bit hurt. You see from my perspective, I was called to go places on a regular basis because she was fighting with her siblings. So since she couldn’t call the brother or sister-in-law I feel like I was the one that was called may not have been had others been available for her to call instead. As soon as the family feud subsided I seemed to fall off the speed dial. Normally I just let thing slide and try to give people a break, especially since her health isn’t all the greatest and her spouse is deployed like mine. What really irked me though was watching her treat another person poorly and then partially place me in the middle of it.
For about two weeks now Miss T had sent out an email for one of those Tupperware deals. She only invited a few folks because large crowds scare her. I said I was going but my other friend never responded. She never called, never answered the email, etc. A few times I was asked whether she would make it or not. So during a phone call I asked and she said yes. So I told Miss T that she was going to go.So as a reminder I sent the copy of the email back to my friend a week before the event. The response I got was that “we’ll see if I can go.” I politely reminded her that she had already told me she was going and I had told Miss T that. For the rest of that week (and the week before) I had little to no contact with her. Every time I called the cell phone wasn’t answered or was off. Now if I didn’t return a phone call from her within two hours she called repeatedly and would send Miss T over to my house to make sure I wasn’t dead. But, hey she’s a grown up so if she didn’t return the call I didn’t freak. I just thought it was rude to hold one standard for your friends but not for yourself. The one or two responses I got during the week via email stated that she was extremely busy at work and getting off late everyday. Okay no problem - people get busy with things all the time.
So Friday rolls around, I am at work on my day off and was hiding from everyone long enough to do a little catch up work. Miss A and I had sent an email or two to each other that day and I relayed that the day before the hubby had dumped a large problem to be worked on me and I wasn’t thrilled. I also said that the night at Miss T’s was on but since all but me, Miss A and one other person had flaked out I was going to go. Miss T has a little bit of social anxiety so I said I was still going and we were going to watch movies and hang out. I got another email back saying that I couldn’t keep her in suspense and had to tell her what was going on. Well let’s see I am in on my day off because I have WORK to do, I want to get my work done and go home. I didn’t respond to her request of spilling the dirt - I figured I could do it later. Around 7pm and a minute from Miss T’s I get a phone call asking me what I am doing. I tell Miss A that I am a minute from Miss T’s. So she asks me again what was going on, I responded that there’s not enough time to go over that as I am a minute from their house. So I get the smart assed response “well you tell me when you’re ready.” I told her it’s not that I am not ready but I don’t have the time, I am expected to be somewhere. So I was told to tell Miss T that Miss A couldn’t make it.
Anyways the next morning I woke at o’dark thirty to drive with some friends from work to go to Vilseck to buy crystal. At about 1500 I called Miss A to see what she’s doing for the evening as maybe after a nap I might want to have dinner. Come to find out the poor woman is in the hospital again. She thinks she might have a blood clot, but has been putting it off for a week now. Her and her sister-in-law had already made plans to go see a movie but she may not make it. I asked if the boys needed a ride home from work and when I would be back in the area. It was left up in the air at the moment so I said I would check in with her later. About 1730 I called and she was still in the ER. I went ahead and picked up her eldest. We stopped by my house took the dog potty, fed her and unloaded my crystal. I was supposed to wait at her house in case they admitted her so I could bring an overnight bag and pick up her other son who was at the hospital. I get a call about 1850 from her son saying that I am to go to McDonald’s near the theater. I am tired and getting a cranky. Why in heavens name do I have to go all the way over there? Her son sounds confused (because I being a cranky booger) and states that we are going to the movies. When I ask what movie, I don’t want to see it and that shows up in my voice. So through the phone I hear the guilt trip of Miss A about how she thought I wanted to hang with them. If they were going to see something I didn’t want to see and I am tired why go? I’d rather sleep and am getting crankier by the minute. So I go anyways to avoid an argument. At the end of the evening it was talked about that they would be going to another movie on Sunday in the early afternoon. I said I would like to go.
Today I call about an hour before the movie since I’ve heard from no one and make sure they are still going. She says she’s out shopping and to meet at the theater. I arrive about 1320 because of a call from the spouse. The younger son tells me they’ve already bought their tickets and said they told the man to set one aside for me in row seven. Now if the shoe were on the other foot I would have bought the ticket and asked for the money later. They knew I was coming so it’s not like they would have lost out on their money. Even if I didn’t make it, I would have paid them for the ticket. What got worse was that their eldest son decided to be polite (they are both great young men) and waited in line with me, only to have the youngest come with the ticket and say they were going inside. That just did it in for me. First you flake on a person on Friday, by never having the common courtesy to ever RSVP for the party, then you expect me to be rude and sit on the side of the road and tell you all about a problem I am having when I am expected to be at someone’s house. Apparently sitting and watching movies wasn’t interesting enough to her so she went out to dinner with someone else, but asked me to tell the hostess that she wasn’t going to be there. So the attitude that it’s all about her extends to not waiting for me at the theater or even being kind enough to buy a ticket for me. And then I get left out in the lobby while everyone else takes their seats? But of course we waited for her to return from the hospital, slowed down while we walked and made sure that we all went in together the night before. So the little things are starting to add up and they are really starting to piss me off.
So I guess I expect my friends RSVP to people & call when if they can’t make it. If a person is running late, (like a call from Afghanistan) set them up the best you can. Don’t chew out your friends without hearing the whole story first. Lastly, during heated discussions, when one friend tries to tell another that they are being rude it might not be wise to talk to them like they are a sixteen year. Some folks use colourful language like “fucking” and I’ll be damned if I didn’t hear said to me numerous times while trying to keep people from driving when they shouldn't be.
So do I expect too much? Or should I just expect that I am to be treated as the friend that’s called when no one else is around, when it suits them or when there’s something that needs to be done? I am a giving person by nature. I honestly don't mind picking up kids two minutes from my house and then hitting dinner near their home or having them stay with me for the weekend. I don't expect money, gifts or any type of repayment. I help people because they need help, but you shouldn’t leave a person feeling like they are being taken advantage - not by being asked to help (that's not the problem) but that all of a sudden the request for help disappears when other folks are back in the "circle of trust."
I am so frustrated & hurt.
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