I have been a part of Army life as an Army wife for just about 10 years. I have seen a few deployments (although none of them as long as this before, the max was about 6 months) and have had the spouse spend time in and out of special projects upon numerous occasions (enough of them last year that he spent only 100 days in country) while being stationed here for the last five years in Germany. So I am used to separation and have seen FRGs that worked well and ones that don't. After last nights debacle I have come to the conclusion that the Rear D HHC is being ran by Gomer Pile.
On Monday an email went out to the spouses and friends about a video teleconference that was set up for after the FRG meeting on Wednesday at 1900 (7pm). I shot an email off to the FRG leader asking about a sign up sheet, and if the soldiers down range knew about it. The response I got was that the VTC was still tentative and that there is no sign up at this time.
On Tuesday the government employee that works as a FRG assistant called and asked if I was going to attend the VTC as they were taking a head count. I said yes and waited for more info to be sent out.
On Wednesday one of the soldiers sent a copy of the schedule that was presented down range so we could see where we were on the schedule. This list was sent to the Rear D HHC commander. I was fairly late on the list, there were 15 people in all with a total of 8 minutes per listing - I was number 11. The email spoke of a cut off time to respond for any others that might want to add their name to the list. This listing concerned me because my friend's family was second to last and the son was still recovering from his surgery and couldn't wait/stand/sit for long periods of time. So I composed a nice email asking how the schedule was set up, as I was one of the first to sign up but the last on the listing. I also mentioned that the friends shouldn't be so far down the listing as it was too much for the son to sit around for so long. After I got my email sent off I waited but got no response.
So I thought I would call the FRG assistant at her office. I asked about the listing how and who set it up and then mentioned that the family was almost last on the listing. The FRG assistant was not happy at how far down they were. She went to the commander and had her moved to first. I called the commander at the suggestion of my friend to see where I stood on the listing. Come to find out I had moved to number 20 now? I asked her how I had moved from 11 to 20, did all 9 other people have children? (I expected those with kids to go first so they could go to bed at a decent hour). Her response was that there were only 10 with children. So then I ask how did I move 9 spaces? She went off on a remark that people just called in and she placed them where they lay, etc. When I questioned about how I was one of the first but still ended up last and did she add the names to the top or the bottom of the list, she started to get irritated.
Next she tells me that they've been jumping through their butts to get this done for us as an implication that I was being ungrateful. Then in a snotty, condescending tone told me she guessed she could contact sgt G's wife and ask her if she could trade with me since she was the first person on the listing without kids (later looking at the list she was #8 so where'd the other 3 people with kids go?). Or that Ms. K would give up her spot for me and they could talk another time (she has a 4 year old daughter).
This killed it for me; you don't get smart, sassy or attempt to guilt me without getting an ear full. She knew all too well from my previous remark that there would be a snowball's chance in hell that I would take a slot away from a child - this was just a form of appeasement to get me off her back for having such poor planning on the VTC. So livid, I went off, I flipped, snapped, what ever you want to call it when you go to the mattresses and intend on returning as the last man standing. From where I stand she has shown consistently that she is a poor leader and an ineffective commander - basically she is quite lazy.
First instance was that she initiated a survey on the inventory she took control of which was a large sum of money. Come to find out, she was doing it out of either laziness or spite of the commander she was switching with. Three quarters of the items were in her hands in that building on her hand receipt. In fact the one that just makes me blink and shake my head is that a monitor she was looking for was sitting ON her desk, PLUGGED into the PC she was using - but uh, she wasn't able to find it during inventory??
Second instance - FRG meetings started before deployment to start to get the word out deployment information. Meeting dates were being changed by her weekly and only sent out to the soldier. Well most folks were not at their desk nor near their emails - training and planning kept them away from their workplace and the communication that needed to go to the spouses. They never mailed anything and even though they had collected spouse information 4 times already, they weren't using it. I missed out on two pre-deployment briefs because I found out about them after my husband returned from a planning conference and the other the morning of, an hour before it started (I work an hour away).
Third instance was the mess of me trying to get a hold of someone in the unit over the surgery. The listing of numbers they gave us was a joke and she didn't answer her phone. I find out from talking to the FRG leader that Pile didn't bother to contact FRG until 18:30 that night when her office was contacted at 13:20. Also she never called the family, the 1SG didn't call the family and neither one of them said a word to the Mom last night at the FRG meeting- not a single condolence or statement of concern.
The last instance was her being rude to me, yes I was only moved 20 minutes down but that time placed my husband at some time after 23:00 with him working 12 hour days, 7 days a week - that's just too late in the night for 5 minutes of talk time.
So as I went kamikaze on her, I told her that I did not like her tone of voice, the way she was speaking to me, her attitude and frankly that she pissed me off and she could remove me from the list - I wasn't going to go and hung up. About an hour later the chicken shit sends me an email response to my email with the new listing with now 25 people, and a talk time of 4 minutes each. Her note reads about how sorry she is I am upset and that she did not remove me from the listing (she got confused and thought I was bitching about being removed), and that as a previous FRG leader I should know you can't please everyone every time. I stewed for about ten minutes and called her back.
I proceeded to calmly tell her that she was confused, that I wasn't upset because I thought my name was removed, I WANTED it removed. I told her that she is unorganized, that I can't believe how many people she allowed to sign up for a two hour block of time, that I should not have been continually pushed to the end of the list and I this is just a joke. I come to find out from her that people started calling in requesting specific times (ignoring of course those with kids that point is not a problem and never will be for me - kids come first). I told her I wasn't offered that opportunity so why where the others allowed? She also remarked that it was only 15 minutes and implied not to get my knickers in such a twist over 15 minutes.
I expressed again that it was her attitude and poor planning that I am twisted over not the fifteen minutes. She also claimed she hadn't seen that list before and didn't know where it came from (funny look at the email it went to HER from her counter part down range). I pointed out that it appeared to be favourtism as people kept going up the list and she claimed she didn't know them. Oh really I asked so you've never heard of Cpt ***'s wife he works in your office down the hall, you know the S1? She then claimed she just placed them as they came, meaning that I got pushed down as she placed them at the top of the listing. I finished the call with a quiver in my voice that this was a joke and she again tried to offer Ms. K's slot and I resounded with another hell no she has a child, what part of that don't you understand?
My spouse got word to me by way of four other people that 23:30 was too late for him, that he had to brief a general tomorrow and couldn't stay up that late (it makes him irritable and that's not good with him, PowerPoint and generals). So in the end those fifteen minutes that she couldn't understand why I was upset about turned out to be fifteen minutes to much.
This just kills me; I was so excited to see him. Granted, I had prepared myself just in case to give up my slot to someone with kids, knowing before all the other mess that she wasn’t very prepared and if there was screw up I would give up my slot. Even though I was prepared, I didn't lose that time helping someone else, I lost it on the ineptitude of a lazy female Gomer Pile.
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