Wednesday, September 13, 2006

6 months and counting

It's been six months since the return of my spouse from down range and one thing seems to be a recurring theme for him - he's quick to anger and has no real patience. If he stubs his toe a slew of vulgarities spew out of his mouth and he tells the offending wall to piss off. If someone cuts in line they are selfish assholes who are mistreating the world. Its not that he's violent or abusive, I wouldn't be here if he was (he'd deal with me first, my brother and then my father). But the things that he never let bother him before now are all major issues.

Maybe my patience has increased while living without him for a year but I am having a hard time understanding his getting so frustrated about a messed up food order. I've had cars break, a nutcase boss try to sick revenge on me for some short coming in her life and tried to be a friend to a person who is running down the path of self destruction fullspeed. To me, a messed up food order is annoying but nothing to go crazy over.

Last night while driving to Sonic for dinner, we took the dog for a car ride. As I turned around to check on the dog in line to get our food, she threw up in the car. Its not like she intentionally asked to come with us, just so she can throw up on the leather seats - she's a dog and it was an accident. But for him it was an affront to his time in Afghanistan - this is what I don't get. He feels that he spent time in a place (where he still hasn't told me of all things that have happened to him) and earned the right to buy a nice car, but that somehow the dog was purposely ruining his car and spitting on his time served.

If it doesn't make sense to you guess what, we are in the same boat. It's not about money, it's not that he squirreled away all this money and doesn't want to share, that much I figured out. It seems more like he's feeling the backlash of those Americans that don't support soldiers and is frustrated with those who are so oblivious to the world around them while driving their gigantic SUVs with only one person in the car. And he's not alone. A good friend of ours seems to be having the same problem. As well as a couple of his classmates. They can all see it while it happens but are having a hard time changing the outcome.

As I reminded him that the dog's brain is the size of a large plum, that she wanted to be with us and couldn't control getting car sick - I see the guilt ride across his face. He doesn't mean to be so impatient with the world and especially with his family or his pet. I hate making him feel like such a heel. I know it will take more time, that's exactly what I keep telling fellow blogger's whose spouse has just returned. I just wish I had a way to share my new found patience with him until he can find his own again.

4 comments:

Cole said...

*sigh* hugs!

Anonymous said...

Girl...I just stumbled upon your blog....it is like looking in a mirror! My husband is the exact same way right now. He has been home from Iraq for about 8 months and you put into words exactly how I watch him act....YIKES. We just left KS...if you ever need to talk....let me know...

Household6 said...

Anon send me an email so I know who you are.... :-)

Anonymous said...

My email is lifeinoz@yahoo.com....good luck with your interview! -Heather