Red carpet blues

If you are pregnant and you live in a small town with four prisons what do you wear to a military ball? Apparently according to most department stores you aren't even supposed to go out, at all and definitely not in a formal dress. I waited to the week of the ball to get a dress. I figured I'd know how big I was and if I needed to go maternity or if I could go regular dresses just a size bigger.

I started at Kohl's based on my friend's recommendation. That was a bust as they had two measly racks of maternity wear and no formal wear. I then went to JCPenny's. This rinky dinky place didn't even have formal wear except for the hoochie crap teenagers wear to prom. My big ol' butt, boobs and Buddha belly weren't even going to look remotely attractive if I tried it. The Dillards was closed down and then I stopped at Macy's. Macy's doesn't even carry maternity wear one snotty saleswoman said. A second lady who I found out later had 4 brothers that served in the military over various periods of time pulled several empire waisted dresses for me a size larger than what I wore. I went into the dressing room and laughed a few of them, mainly because I would have given Charro a run for her money in the boobie department.

I finally picked a dress, simple, empire waist, black, not too shiny. Of course since its a size larger than what I normally wear, I had to alter the crap out of the top. I cut off 1 1/2 inches off off each side of the straps so that when I bent over the people across from me at the table wouldn't get the Playboy view.

Now I know Motherhood and a few other maternity stores had online shopping but um, I'd prefer to try dresses like this on and not just order four dresses, try them on at home and then return what ever ones didn't fit. But outside of maternity stores apparently pregnant women who aren't Catherine Zeta Jones (who can afford to have Vera Wang make her a dress) are not supposed to wear formal wear and should stay home.

I'm pregnant people, not an invalid.