Monday, January 01, 2007

Secrets

I've been hiding a secret, well more like a secret fear than a true secret. I honestly don't feel like I am even pregnant. My friend who is due a month before me is already showing, in maternity clothes, sick as a dog and having all the issues that I expect a pregnant lady to have.

I on the other hand have sore boobs and my arse is spreading, that's about it. I just look like I am getting fat (fatter). So in the back of my mind, I have the normal fear that I am not really pregnant or that nothing is going on in there like a cosmic joke or something of just killing me with no sushi, booze and coffee only to find out nothing is really going on in there. I am on the edge of my seat waiting for my appointment on the 9th so we can finally hear the heartbeat. I want to know that its real, that there's truly a baby in there and not just nature pulling my leg.

My one sanity check that helped me prepare to wait this week out was a friend who knows more about my insides than I think my own husband does. She has her own biological quirks and has been instrumental in giving me info about procedures, processes and the like. So she knows about my issues in great detail. I confided my "cosmic joke, no baby" fear and she pointed out that a tilted uterus is a good reason why I am not showing and only look "fat." It never occured to me that the unusual position of my uterus would make me not appear like I have a baby bump. I can breathe a little easier knowning that, keeping it in the back of my mind every time I freak out.

Oh and on a funny note - I had to get new bras. Mine were squishing my ample cleavage to the point of it killing me to wear a bra. I am gigantic as far as I am concerned but I know it will go away some after the bean arrives. And I finally had to give up my pretty, sassy VS undies. They don't fit right anymore. I don't need maternity undies yet, but I had to break down and get bikinis versus string undies. Hanes bikinis are really comfy if anyone wants to know, they are comfy and not too expensive. I put my VS undies in the back of the drawer. I love their undies and will wear them again damn it! I swear I will!

6 comments:

Tracy said...

If it helps you feel any better, I felt the same way you did~that maybe I wasn't pregnant. I had no morning sickness to speak of and I gained weight right away (most likely b/c I wasn't puking every day LOL). I just looked fat (fatter) too. Hearing the heartbeat was a huge "it's real" moment.

I didn't have the spreading arse part so I can't comment on that LOL I wore all my regular underwear the whole time LOL

Can't wait to hear your report on the 9th!!

Army Wife said...

first baby I did not look preganany until I was 7 months...

2 babies and 3 years ince the last preganancy I look 7 months prego...

the good news is my cleavage is still ample enough, where it may take peopleas attention from my ample marsupial pouch

Tracy said...

army wife, I was LOL at your comments. Yeah, I look about 7 mo pregnant too. My cleavage has always been ample (even when I weighed 125 lbs. most of that was breasts LOL)

The Kept Woman said...

Don't give into the maternity underwear thing until absolutely necessary. That's my advice.

There is absolutely NOTHING like hearing that heartbeat. Record it somehow if you can. We still have the Duckling's heartbeat on a photo frame recorder...sweetest sound ever.

Household6 said...

That's a great idea TKW! I can use either my phone or my new Zen! Thanks a ton!!!

MQ said...

Never. Ever. Wear maternity underwear. Ever. :) I looked pregnant the first day. I swear. I gained 65 lbs by the end of my first pregnancy. I'm sure you look great ;)