Monday, October 23, 2006

How far do you go?

So how far do you go in a quest to have children? Some folks would go to the ends of the earth and some would give up in the place where we are now.

We haven't made our final decision yet and are still open to how far we are willing to try to have children of our own. We are also still very much in a place of unknown too. Nothing has been confirmed and won't be until surgery, which won't be for a couple of months.

It is emotionally hard to deal with this whole thing. I am a little angry that my mother never told me exactly why I was a mircale baby until just a few months ago. If I had known about the difficulties there were, we would have tried much earlier for children and had more time for medicine to treat what is probably ailing me. And I am scared, what if this doesn't work out? What if we can't have kids and that's what he's really ever wanted? He's told me otherwise but what if he's just being nice?

If it's everything the doc says it is, then we are dealing with endo. This means surgery to identify it positively, medication for 3-6 months to kill off the endo and then we try. If there are other complications due to my age (almost 35), our health insurance could make us wait a year after the endo treatment to then go see a reproductive endocronologist.

Endo comes back too, so not only could we be pushing trying to have kids in my 36th or 37th year, but we could be treating the endo again and not to mention that he could end up being deployed right in the middle of the times we are supposed to be trying.

We haven't ruled out adoption but there is just something that calls us to having a child of our own and adopting the second.

So how far do you do go? And how hard do you fight? Fertility treatments can be extremely rough on a couple, so just when do you give in and go by just what nature has given you?


Anonymous said...

I won't say that I understand how you feel, because I couldn't possibly. I have had friends who have faced fertility problems for various reasons. I think the question of how far you go and how hard you fight is a very personal one. Only you and your husband will be able to make the decision of how hard you fight and when enough is enough. Best wishes to you as you make the decision about this journey.

Cole said...

You walk as a couple to the end of this together. One way or the other, you and he walk hand in hand. If ever you feel like you are pulling him or he is pulling you, you have to reevaluate. You two are very strong, together! Never lose that part. You two will know. You have known about so many other things along the way. Fortunately you have your best friend standing beside you in all this...your hubby!

PS, he is not a man to ever just say something to make you happy. He has to believe in what he says, that is what makes him the man you feel in love with. Don't lose sight of that!

Hugs and love always!

Anonymous said...

I just want to tell you to hang in there. I found your blog from Heidi's which I found while researching Vilseck. Right after we moved here in July, I had my second miscarriage. The wonderful German doctor told me to "try again" and everything will be fine. It's really hard and maybe "trying again" isn't as easy as he makes it sound. I'm about your age which makes them less likely to run tests (you think it would make them more likely, but no). It's all very emotional and confusing...through the course of a day I'll change my mind 7 times. I know you'll make the rights decision for you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

Molly Pitcher said...

Go as far as you are able (financially, emotionally, and spiritually) and never give up hope.

A friend thought she would never have a biological child for medical reasons and so bought a house and car and then *poof*. So maybe drop a wad of cash? ;-)

Or make like Apu and Mandala on the Simpsons and try the back seat?

Although I can understand why you want to avoid this, in my experience the looming deployment is quite effective...

My prayers are with you!

Tanker's Girl said...

My husband is active duty and we went the fertility drug route. It was very hard on us emotionally, and I don't think I could have done it if my husband hadn't been so strong. I think infertility is one of the hardest things that we have ever had to go through, and it was complicated by deployments, field time and all that jazz.

Hang in there and always remember to put the two of you first.