Thursday, July 13, 2006

Gotta love 'em even if they drive you crazy

I haven't posted about this yet as I was still trying to make peace with the whole situation. On the 30th when we arrived after about two hours of sitting in my parents home, they told me some disturbing news.

In April 2005 my father found out he had a heart arythmia and diabetes. Yes that's right it was about a 1 1/2 years ago that they knew this but waited until I had been up about 20 hours straight to let me know. The heart problem included going to the hospital for them to purposely stop my father's heart and restart it in the hopes of correcting the rythm. My family then proceeded to forbid my brother to tell me anything about it until now.

All of this was kept from me because some how in their mind against my brother's advice, they thought it was a good idea. My parents felt that with the hubby being deployed that it was better to not tell me as it might upset me. I am no orchid that's for sure and they didn't need to wait a year and a frickin' half to tell me about it. What's even more irritating is that my father so much as said that if he deploys again he would do the very same thing time and time again.

Being tired, cranky and pissed as all hell that they basically withheld important information (such as killing my father and starting his heart again) I went nuts on them. I really was disgusted because they raised me in an environment that involved their children in the things that life threw them - because according to them they had no secrets and that we as a family would work on them together. So you may start to see the point here.

As a family I would have liked to know that he was going in to have his heart worked on, that he would need to lose weight and control his new found diabetes. It doesn't mean I have to fix it but that if there was something I could do I would lend a hand. It was a big slap in the face to be raised as a family working on problems together to completely shutting me out of all of it including not even telling me right after it was over and done with.

For the next nine years of my spouse's military career I will be faced with at least three more deployments and my family's crazy idea that hidding the truth from me would be a bright idea. This part of life does not thrill me, especially since my folks are getting older and will probably be faced with more health issues as time goes along. I am trying to focus on the positive of this such the fact that my dad lost 20 lbs, quit smoking for over a year now and controls his diabetes with diet. I must remember that these are all good things and with the best intentions my parents tried to spare me from them. No really they meant well (I just want to kill them for it first).

3 comments:

Cole said...

It is a hard line for your parents. They love you so much and don't want to worry you so far away, but then they upset you when they don't. At least you know now to ask pointed questions. They are hard nuts to crack, but then again, have you met you!?! They love you. You love them, thus your response. Hell, get them back...get preggers and don't tell them until you go into labor! lol (I am bad...bad Cole!)

Household6 said...

But they went against the very idea that they raised me with for all of my life - that as a family we would work on problems together. I was treated as if I was no longer family but just there.

As for asking pointed questions next time, nope not going to work. I asked that they not play this little game again and my father said he had no intentions of doing it any other way. So I will probably find out one of my parents has some horrid disease at their frickin' funeral.

This whole concept does not thrill me one bit and hurts to have a family that has never hid things in the past think that hiding things now is a really keen idea.

Angel said...

I understand both your parents' point and your point. I had to keep from my husband that his step mother was having a double bi-pass while he was in the hospital in Iraq and I had to keep from my father in law that my husband was in the hospital in Iraq. It is very hard to keep things from someone you love so much. Keeping these things from both my husband and my in laws hurt. I thought it would nearly kill me. However, I knew it was in the best of both parties. Hell, I'm sure they both woulda kept them from me!!!

I know how the heart problem feels. They had to do the same to my father...I didn't know my father at the time but they still had to do it. It still hurt when i found out.

The diabetes, well...i'm not understanding why they would keep that from you...How did he manage holidays/birthdays without eating all those sweets in front of you (if you were there)? Diabetes is serious however it's not devesatating...I am a diabetic. I remember when I was diagnosed...the only hard part is following the diet. In the beginging I was diet controlled, however, now...I must take insulin. As you get older it gets worse...I know as a military spouse you would have been able to handle the news because well, we (as military spouses) can handle anything...We are strong as nails...

Anyway, sorry for the on and on...

If you need anything please feel free to email me: angel.sivell@us.army.mil