Thursday, January 19, 2006

If I find one grey hair on my head, I' gonna....

kill you two, so help me.

It’s hard to watch things end, especially when they involve people that you love. I am in a state of quiet bliss, only a few days left and my husband, the man that makes me laugh, the person that I miss most in life short of my parents and brother will be back home. I should be completely lost in my state of euphoria, but for the past few weeks I have had to watch a relationship of nine years come to what I see will be a very, very bitter end.

Every relationship has their dumb mistakes, the errors in judgment, etc. Because I am friends with both parties on an individual basis and not just as a couple, I won’t place blame other than to say they at this point they each could have done some things better. I guess that’s a luxury I have being on the outside of the relationship looking in. Hindsight has always been 20/20.

I guess I am just frustrated and saddened by the whole situation. I can’t fix it, I can’t wave a wand to make all the emotions come to an end, and I can’t seem to get anyone to completely listen to what I am saying either. Instead I just get stuck watching the two of them, inflict pain on each other (intentional, unintentional or otherwise). I almost wonder if this isn’t similar to the feelings a child might have while watching their parents duke it out during divorce. It really makes you feel so unempowered and useless at times. Not to mention the few times I’ve wanted to smack both of them right in the back of their heads and tell them to cut it out and just go about their business.

But maybe this repetitive thrashing of each other is their way of going about their business. Maybe this is how they will work their relationship to an end. (Lord, I hope not) Either way, I’ve said all that I can say and now the only form of help I can offer is to listen.

It’s tough to be sane in an insane world. I am truly grateful for what the world has given me, and thankful that I see exactly how lucky this little chickie really is…only 58 more days to go.


LorelieLong said...

I went through a similar situation at Ft. Bragg. It is hard to watch, particularly when you love both of them. I gave up on trying to advise and simply listened. I don't know if that helped either but I felt better doing it.

Cole said...
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Lauren said...

I went through that with my best friend and her husband several years ago. It was so frustrating, to say the least! They ended up divorcing, but two years later remarried. Ughhh!
I'm so glad your husband will be home soon...awesome news!!