With Friends like these....

The list of crazy innuendos my neighbor and workmates have been throwing at me this week:

1. Dang that’s a big pickle…can you eat all of that?
Well no, hey Household do you want some of this giant pickle? …Oh wait never mind you’ve got one on order.

2. So remember what the briefing says and don’t attack him until at least one day after he arrives.
Oh and (says the other) isn’t there a law or something about not destroying government property?

3. So you are more than welcome to walk over here for Christmas dinner…but that might mean you would actually have to put some clothes on…..and uh, your bathrobe does not count.

4. Well, when my spouse comes home for R&R I plan on having my 12 year old make Ramen and leave it outside the door. Do you think they can teach the dog to make Ramen? (Friend of the neighbor)

5. Well you know what I would have told the two guys in flight suits for snickering when you told the cashier, “Uh yeah I’d like a bag” for the box of condoms? “Umm well guys see, my spouse will be home in a few days for R&R and um well, we will need a second box. Too bad they don’t have a Costco around here, didn't they have a 100 pack?”

6. So do you have all your stuff together?
Um, no I don’t need all that, it never stays on long anyways.
Oh I see, now we know what kind of slut you are you don’t even want to bother with clothes. (co-worker down the hall)