Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Personal Freakout

So anyone that's read my blog, knows that biologically I am just not normal. I have a divot in my cervix, my uterus is tilted, I spit sutures after almost every surgery, my appendix fooled everyone into thinking I had a ovarian cyst because it swelled up and covered my ovary and now I probably have a blood disorder.

One hematologist says polycythemia Vera the second went broad on me and said myeloproliferative disorder. Basically in either situation your body produces too much of one blood part - usually the red cells. The first hematologist really seemed so happy go lucky about this and I assume it was because I was pregnant at the time. Two weeks ago when I went to see the second doc in order to follow up like I was supposed to she said the main test for this (if the blood tests don't work) is a bone marrow biopsy. Okay so I guess doc 1 didn't want to freak out the pregnant lady but geesh he could have warned me.

I see the doc 2 here on Friday with my blood test results. I hate going to see hematologists because they are always at oncology clinics. You get the weirdest looks there too being young and in a cancer clinic Anyways if the blood test doesn't rule in or out what doc 2 thinks then we go for the biopsy.

We were shooting the breeze about our stupid overcrowded clinic on post today and I mentioned my potential blood disorder. This is where my freak out happened one lady from the NAF office said that her aunt has polycythemia and was basically told she will end up with leukemia at some point soon. She's been treated for it for 32 years now, just diagnosed about 2 years after her son's birth. I'm not even 40 and now there's a potential for leukemia? So of course I google tonight on the myeloproliferative disorder and see that depending upon what kind of treatment or it running amok undiagnosed for a few years does have a higher to high risk of it turning into leukemia. She basically really scared the crap out of me.

Of course I'm single parenting right now, have no one to really bounce this off of and I started to bawl and cry and cry tonight - Mostly while snuggling Oz while rocking ni-night. I really need this appointment on Friday to go well or at least have her give me the current statistics of how often leukemia develops in patients with PV. It hits me so square in the face to see how having a child changes the way you look at things. I want to watch my son get married, grow up all of that and there's this potential for it to not happen. Yes I know I could get ran over too and don't freak out but still - I'm a worrywart...always have been, always will be.

Anyways I'm just venting my fears, I don't like this idea, leukemia, cancer, all of it just makes me want to run away from it all and live on an island where I can somehow manage to leave all health conditions back on the mainland.

1 comment:

Kbear and Jman said...

Hey buddy. My grandfather has had leukemia for about 25-30 years. And is fine and in his late 80's........ no freaking out.