linear programming sucks eggs

I started on Wednessday setting up my linear programming equation for a project due Sunday (look Ma, no procrastinating). I spent 2 hours Wed, 2 Thur and last night I spent 4 hours trying find the error in my formula that making the equation unsovlable. I finally found it and now I need to tweak two fields because I'm not sure if my variable is right.

I am so happy I used my head and started early on this! It sucks by the way, math I really never ever want to use after the end of this semester.

Little Update

Alrighty had an ear check and there's no infection! There's a little fluid she said but nothing that should cause him to get all bent over it. She put in for a referral for a hearing test so we can at least see if there are any issues there. I ended up using a decongestant the Omnicef doc perscribed for me for the last few days, just at night to keep his stuffy nose at bay. Looks like the little cold is over and I can stop giving it to him.

So no tubes yet but a hearing test which will be a good indicator if anything needs to be done.

Sanity wherefore art thou?

So all that not sleeping through the night may be based upon one thing - ear fluid. Not the wrong temp, not hunger but that we can't get the fluid out of little man's ears. Since 26 Dec 08 Oz has been on Amoxi, Augmenten and Omnicef. He just finsihed the Omni on Friday. Come Sunday he started waking up in the middle of the night again. The Peds NP we saw last started talking tubes and I started running fast in the other direction.

I'm leary about tubes for a few reasons:

1) Its surgery on an 18 month old.

2) Military Medical has done me wrong quite a few times that I am EXTREMELY gunshy, about letting someon hack into my kid's ear drums.

3) He's so close to 2 where the ear canal (yeah I can say the right word but can't spell it) will start to naturally drop and reduce infections until the ears reach their proper place at around age 4.

4) I don't wanna make this decision by myself

I'm also really tired and loopy over the waking up 3-4 times a night. I'm sure its killing Oz too, but I'm supposed to be the sane one and I feel that sanity slipping between school, work and lack of sleep. I noticed I'm getting more impatient with Oz too and that's not fair - not really. He's waking because his ears are bugging him and its his only form of communication. I'm not a meanie, I know why this is happening but I'm just sooooo tired that I cry for no reason at times. I just want to fix it, to fix him and give him his nights back and probably his days too where he's not being bothered by his ears.

I'm going to go ahead and ask about the consult with the ENT Dept tomorrow while I take him back into the Peds NP. I'd like to try one more thing (well exhaust all possible treatements) before going to surgery. I've read and some have mentioned a long round of antibiotics, like taking bactrim for 6 weeks to see if we finally can't kill off what ever is growing in there.

As for tonight we are running the humidifier (like normal), he took his zyrtec (like normal), no bottle but a sippy for that final drink, sitting up for the final drink and I elevated the one side of the crib (not like he doesnt just turn the other frickin way though). I also tried a granola treatment of place drops of a perioxcide/water mixture and dribbled a few drops in his ear. Its supposed to help clear the infection and relieve the pressure. If I thought he'd hold still we have the uber cool German puppy that has cherry pits in his belly. You microwave the cherry pits and its a warm comrpess. I also read that placing a warm bag of salt (cherry pit puppy equiv) helps to sooth and draw out the fluid so that's where the cherry puppy comes in.

Anyways I sort of feel like tubes are the devil but more and more people say they are heavenly so I don't really know. I just know that something has to happen to help this poor kid get his ears straight and fix his sleeping through the night deal.

Of course not

So after falling asleep in the patient room, I get woken up to an apology from the doc. The lab techs/ nurses are R'Tarded as I like to call it and for some reason failed to draw blood for ALL the tests. They pulled the two special ones that required me to come in on a certain day of the week.

Anyways we spoke about the two tests she took and they are looking promising. One is called the Jack test. It looks for a gene mutation and research has found that statistically 87% of those that test positive for the mutation have a blood disorder. This test was negative for me - so that's looking good.

We also talked about what research I have done about this. I stuck to the "good" sites like John Hopkins and the Mayo Clinic. But they had conflicting information about PV turning into acute leukemia. One site blames it on certain drugs being used, the other says that its really rare to turn into leukemia at all. Doc 2 here follows the theory that if you have a blood disorder your marrow is "malignant" or broken to begin with or it would function properly. Therefore the risk of a secondary illness is there and shouldn't be discounted. She also believes in starting at the lowest level of treatment first BEFORE pulling out the big guns or using drugs. So at least I know I'm not going to get pumped full of drugs any time soon.

Anyways so another 2 weeks I get to wait for the remaining tests. Although the Jack test is really helpful, and I don't relish the idea of someone sticking a long hollow rod into my hipbone, I would like to discuss with here exactly how conclusive this test is to see if having a final answer is worth the pain.

Personal Freakout

So anyone that's read my blog, knows that biologically I am just not normal. I have a divot in my cervix, my uterus is tilted, I spit sutures after almost every surgery, my appendix fooled everyone into thinking I had a ovarian cyst because it swelled up and covered my ovary and now I probably have a blood disorder.

One hematologist says polycythemia Vera the second went broad on me and said myeloproliferative disorder. Basically in either situation your body produces too much of one blood part - usually the red cells. The first hematologist really seemed so happy go lucky about this and I assume it was because I was pregnant at the time. Two weeks ago when I went to see the second doc in order to follow up like I was supposed to she said the main test for this (if the blood tests don't work) is a bone marrow biopsy. Okay so I guess doc 1 didn't want to freak out the pregnant lady but geesh he could have warned me.

I see the doc 2 here on Friday with my blood test results. I hate going to see hematologists because they are always at oncology clinics. You get the weirdest looks there too being young and in a cancer clinic Anyways if the blood test doesn't rule in or out what doc 2 thinks then we go for the biopsy.

We were shooting the breeze about our stupid overcrowded clinic on post today and I mentioned my potential blood disorder. This is where my freak out happened one lady from the NAF office said that her aunt has polycythemia and was basically told she will end up with leukemia at some point soon. She's been treated for it for 32 years now, just diagnosed about 2 years after her son's birth. I'm not even 40 and now there's a potential for leukemia? So of course I google tonight on the myeloproliferative disorder and see that depending upon what kind of treatment or it running amok undiagnosed for a few years does have a higher to high risk of it turning into leukemia. She basically really scared the crap out of me.

Of course I'm single parenting right now, have no one to really bounce this off of and I started to bawl and cry and cry tonight - Mostly while snuggling Oz while rocking ni-night. I really need this appointment on Friday to go well or at least have her give me the current statistics of how often leukemia develops in patients with PV. It hits me so square in the face to see how having a child changes the way you look at things. I want to watch my son get married, grow up all of that and there's this potential for it to not happen. Yes I know I could get ran over too and don't freak out but still - I'm a worrywart...always have been, always will be.

Anyways I'm just venting my fears, I don't like this idea, leukemia, cancer, all of it just makes me want to run away from it all and live on an island where I can somehow manage to leave all health conditions back on the mainland.

Ha Ha Ha Ha!