Friday, September 21, 2007

Random thoughts

I know some of ya'll think I'm nuts or just overly paranoid and I hope I am. I'd rather be that crazy mommy. I guess I just worry so much because Oz is it. He's our only child pretty much and I just want him to have the best life possible. So I worry when I notice things like -

He doesn't seem to be comforted when I pick him up. I remember other babies stopping crying when mom or dad picked them up. Maybe they were older and had that realization that mom and dad are safe. Oz just seems to cry just as hard whether I'm holding him or not.

When he doesn't look at me, I will attempt to move into his field of vision. Many times he will then look somewhere else. If I keep moving into his field of vision especially if he's feeding he will just close his eyes.

Sometimes when he's upset he doesn't just wave his arms about but flaps his hands for some reason.

He doesn't like to be in a carrier anymore either, yet he doesn't want to be put down either.

He a violent sleeper. For the last two nights I've had him swaddled but if I don't he thrashes about. He's quite violent when he sleeps, waving his arms, kicking, turning his head back and forth.

He no longer likes to sleep on his tummy on your chest. He thrashes he head back and forth until you move him into another position.

He seems to dream a lot and more of it is unhappy things than happy. He still smiles in his sleep but he also cries out, makes pained faces and it appears like he's having a bad dream or something.

So these are the things besides what I've mentioned before that just concern me. It could be that he's just fine and I'm paranoid. I really want to be just paranoid. I just have some voice in the back of my head asking me if things are right or not.


cole said...

Honey, I love you so much. Paranoid, no, a mother YES! We all have our concerns. We read, compare and worry! Remember this...Oz loves you. You love Oz. You are doing everything and anything to make sure he is a happy little man. He just has had a tough go of it.

Breathe, relax and know there are tons of us in the same boat. We all worry, obsessively at times, about different things. I worry about the cross eyed thing...even when the doctor tells me he is not. Or how about those first weeks home when I just knew that he would die in his sleep? I poked the boy repeatedly for weeks just so he would wake up and scream for me. Now, I worry that he will have a speak issue or heart issue or end up like my real mom and dad! Come on...Frog has their blood in there too!

Remember that we write our fears down so that we can get past them. We leave there on the page and go back to being a good mommy. Which you so are. I wish I was closer so I can hug you.

Hug that fussy little man for his auntie and then hug yourself for me. I can't wait for you all to come home for a visit.

Hugs and love...and open arms, heart and ears!

Tracy said...

All moms are paranoid to a certain extent. I'm serious, I'm not being snarky. I worried about a lot when my oldest was little. My sister (who had no children at the time) constantly gave me a hard time and told me I needed to seek therapy~my anxiety disorder must be kicking up a notch. I wanted to knock her on her ass so many times.

5 years later she has her son. She's worse than me!! LOL She has since apologized to me~realizing that my worries were just part of being a mom. Her son had a lot of the issues yours does when he was a baby. Autism was something they worried about. He's not autistic, but it was a concern for them for awhile.

However, like someone said in one of your earlier posts (I believe it was AWTM, but I could be wrong), if YOU believe there is a problem~talk to the doctor. If your doctor dismisses you, find another. I say that last thing b/c I talked to my OB/GYN for a YEAR about an issue I was having and he blew me off constantly. Found a new doctor and within 5 minutes was diagnosed with PCOS. I needed that diagnosis to start dealing with it. I could have had help a YEAR earlier.

Okay, sorry that got long!!