Thursday, August 02, 2007

A little rough

Life this past week (Happy Birthday Oz) has been pure hell. Part of it apparently was my mistake and part of it is learning how to be a parent. I made the mistake of allowing Oz to sleep on me. This made for me sleeping sitting up on the couch, feet on the floor, baby on the stomach - for the 4 hours he would sleep at night. My feet are still swollen from the surgery because I never put them up.

Finally I had a mental breakdown.....Hubby had left at 10 am to get the paperwork for the birth certificate, enroll Oz in DEERS, enroll him in Tricare, get a hair cut and pick up some stuff from the market. Oz had fallen asleep in his bouncer so we left him there.

At 1230 I fed him, changed him, talked and played with him until 1315. I then rocked him, turned the TV down, dimmed the room and put him in his pack n play.About 5 minutes later he started to cry. I let him cry for 15 min and then talked to him, stroked his belly and arms and gave him a binky. About 10 minutes later he started wailing again. I let him go 15 minutes and then attempted to burp him again, rocked him a little and put him down. Again a few minutes later he started wailing again. I went into the living room and walking in a big circle just trying to think about something else while he cried. This went on until 1500 when it was time to feed him again. I warmed up his bottle, called my friend and fed him and talked to her so I could make sure I was calm while feeding him. This is how its been the whole time he's been home...including all night.

Ugh so after I handed off the baby to Hubby and told him I needed a break and went and deadheaded the flowers we decied to just let him cry. He could see us, and we touched and patted him, talked to him too but didn't pick him up every five minutes. After about 20 minutes he cried himself to sleep. And he slept until his next feeding. He was also more awake, alert and a stronger sucker on the bottle.Then we put him down again same way for this last feeding we just finished. He wasn't quite as strong sucking and we had to burp him several times but hopefully we can put him down and have him sleep like earlier.

We are actually keeping a schedule now, a loose one but still a schedule to help him sleep, eat, play etc. This makes sure he eats enough times during the day and leaves the door open to help him learn to sleep through the night.

This stuff is killing me though. I don't want him sleeping with us either. I know some folks dig co-sleeping but we don't even want to go there. Tonight is our last night of someone sleeping on the couch and him finally now sleeping in the pack n play.

Please tell me this will work - Or I am selling my organs on the black market to hire a nanny.


Anonymous said...

I'm so sad for your baby. Imagine just coming into this world, it's got to be a confusing/scary thing. And then left to cry for 20 minutes until you finally realize that no comfort is coming and you just give up. I think a lot of your problems reveal themselves in your attitude. You've just received the greatest blessing you will ever get in your life and yet you "joke" about wanting to hire a total stranger to raise your child. Yeah, you need a major attitude adjustment.

InTheAirForceAgain said...

I have to admit I have no children, so I don't know about this from personal experience. However, it seems every friend I have around me has recently had their first child so I have HEARD a great deal about it. From what I can tell, this is always a rough adjustment period for new parents. You have to feel your way through what works for you and what works for the baby. I think you're taking the right approach by trying different tactics to see what works. Eventually you'll get it figured out (probably just in time for something else to happen!).

Try to stay positive. Take time for yourself regularly. Talk out the problems with your husband, family members, friends, pediatrician, etc. And always remember, you're not the first person to go through this; you'll survive it and things will get better. It's just a bumpy start to an exciting journey. I've enjoyed reading your blog throughout your pregnancy and look forward to following your family in the future!

Anonymous said...

Hi - You don't know me, but I linked to you from Heidi, I think. Anyway, I had a csection w/my 2nd daughter & they are alot more difficult to recover from b/c you've had a baby & major surgery and your body/hormones, etc are all out of whack. Its normal. Maybe Oz is colicky? Does he spit up alot? He might have a bit of reflux too - If you are using formula, maybe ask the ped if you should try something else.

At this age, (just my opinion) I wouldnt let them cry it out - he is too young - and is crying for a reason - Seems like you tried everything but maybe would he like swinging or some kind of change in environment. Both my girls liked the fan over the kitchen stove or in the bathroom. My first was very fussy & I spent many nights standing in front of it rocking back & forth.

The first few weeks are really hard - especially until you start feeling more like yourself.

Also, does he like to be swaddled? W/my 2nd, she loved it - we used a "miracle blanket " you can get online & once she was wrapped up, it made her feel a ton better.

Sorry for the long post and perhaps unwanted advice from a stranger. But it will get better - he's still getting used to the world & you're still getting used to him.

Take care -
Keri - for some reason blogger isnt letting me sign in.

And person who commented above me, apparently you've never had a baby & been overwhelmed. Pls leave your comments to yourself. I am sure they aren't helping.

Linda said...

give little Oz a chance...he's still pretty new! I had both my kids in a bassinet in my room for the first 6 weeks or so, then off to the crib they went. It was only for the convenience of night nursing, really. But yes, it WILL get better...give it time.

I remember late-night feedings, crying, feeling like the world fell apart, and all that jazz...but it all got better. The thing about that little routine you're working on? It's going to help him sleep through the night at an early age. Like 2-3 months. Honestly. It will. I've been there - even the "sleeping on mommy" thing. My son thought his permanent bed was on my tummy and chest, head nestled in my neck. But he got used to sleeping where he needed to be.

And one more thing - if he's not doing well on his back (for sleeping) try propping him on his side...or, even, Heaven Forbid!...his tummy. Some kids just LIKE it that way. My son learned to roll over early because he wouldn't sleep on his back. We started propping him on his side, and he'd squirm till he could get on his tummy.

Please feel free to email me any time if you'd like some advice, a shoulder to cry on, or some sympathy (because God knows, we really DO need it sometimes!)

Anonymous said...

Also, obviously my PS was to the 1st commenter, not the person directly above me!!!!


Anonymous said...

I've had children. We're retired Army and sometimes I was alone w/kids in a foreign country at a new duty station so I know overwhelmed. Our daughter and her husband are army and she just had a baby on 7/30/07. I cannot imagine that she would let her newborn cry for 20 minutes. Just reading your post made me think of the orphanages in Russia where babies are left to cry until eventually they don't bother anymore and just get that vacant look. You're supposed to be the adult. Whatever pain you're going thru you will have to suck up,be a mom, and nurture your child. You've been given an incredible opportunity to mold a future adult - what a blessing! You have a real cutie! I came to read your blog thru the link at Itsy Bitsy Me. Check out the blog Keeping the Faith. She just had a baby, too. The difference between her attitude and your attitude is light years apart. I think it's a matter of perspective. Best Wishes

Army Wife said...

Boy oh boy....

I wasn't expecting to see this SORT OF SUPPORT here for a new sleep deprived Mom...

I probably will not be much help in this arena, as I had both of mine during dpleoyments, nursed, and I broke down and had to co-sleep with both, because I was the only person here...and I WAS TIRED.

Both babies nursed for 15 months, both co-slept 15 months...

I too had one unhappy baby. He was always crying.


who knows.

The little guy is one of the brightest children I know, and frankly I think he disliked being a baby. I ended up having to attachement parent with him otherwise he would cry.

Parenting, is frightening, and it is good to take some time away when and if you can. Because the owrse sound in the World to a Mommy, is the sound of her baby crying....

it is stressful.

cole said...

I've so many mean things to say to these two woman that seem to think they know it all. So, I'm a few weeks ahead of you, I really wish these two fine mothers would have left their names so I could call them and gleam from them all their perfect advice.

Please ladies, know this, I have known Oz's mom for a VERY long time, support is something even a stranger can give usually. But then in the perfect world you live in, children don't cry for more than a moment and I am sure their diapers are never messy.

Grow up and know this, Oz's mom ROCKS! She has rocked long before motherhood and she will rock at this too. Oz is looked after, he is loved and most of all, he will have a sense of humor and be compassionate. Something you both seem to be lacking.

I figure you will read the comments, since you seem to be so interested in someone elses life that you deam it necessary to come and boldly state that someone you don't know and don't know the whole story, is terrible. Must be nice to be so damn perfect.

Rock on Oz's mom! Know that you are supported by those who know you and love you. Know that my son would be so lucky to be with you 24/7.

Damn some women are so damn petty. To those of you that support my dear friend, thank you. I wish you all the best in the world and the other two, I wish the fleas of a thousand camels attacking your privates! (oh, that is a joke before you start e-mailing me your opinions!)


Butterfly Wife said...

In addition to dealing with the stress you've got, I am SO very sorry that you were the attention of negativity in any fashion. Here's a BIG hug from me.

It will all work out.

ABW said...

Hang in there. My son was born while hubby was deployed and he was a crier...still is at 13 mnths. He spent the first 5 months of his little life sleeping in the carseat because he would rest for 1.5 hours that way if I was lucky.

When you are hormonal and sleep deprived you have to do what is best for the three of you. Don't let anon get you down, it will get better. Hang in there and your mommy instinct is on and working so trust yourself, no one will know Oz better than you do!