MilBloggers beware

I knew it wouldn’t take long before the military decided to crack down on bloggers in some shape or form. The memo can be found here. For me this is total crap. Over 95% of the bloggers I’ve been reading don’t compromise OPSEC or CAO notification. So registering your blog is just another form of censorship.

I am having images of how letters used to show up in WWII back home – letters filled with little rectangles cut out of them to remove information that may be considered sensitive and how will this relate to a Milblogger's post. Will there be little black bars over the "sensitive" parts or just what the Military finds offensive? Gee, I guess there will be a ton of soldiers who will have to take the sensitivity training for others again as a remedial course. People will find away around this, just in case the Army hasn’t figured that out yet.

Super geek and loving it

So I arrive at work today, feeling ill from the cold I've caught, which is exacerbated by the fact that I took a hard hit to a pressure point in my neck in karate recently and I open my email to find some details about the concert this weekend. I nearly covered the flat screen with toffee coffee I was laughing so hard at the geekiness of my friend:

Well, I gotta run for now. I will talk with you later on. Hope you have a wonderful day! Hey, did you see the "New Moon on Monday" it was located right around "Rio" and it caused a lot of "Wild Boys" to run crazy on "Planet Earth" because they were "Hungry Like the Wolf." The antidote for their crazy behavior....spending 1 hour plugged into an "ElectricBarbarella"!

This was really cute and I am sorry but I liked it. I am such a Duranie and a geek. But look at Bill Gates he was a geek and now he just about gets what ever he wants.

Trust your gut

Ever have one of those gut feelings and dismissed it? Sometimes you meet people and they come across okay. So you go out on a limb and start to build a relationship with them, beyond the normal course of business that brought you into their sphere. In general you putter about, content enjoying the friendship you found. Then some where in that relationship out surfaces a kink, it’s minor so you dismiss it. Unfortunately you will later regret dismissing your gut reaction.

I had a friend of mine cross the line and break trust. I just feel heavy hearted and introspective. I had a “squicky” feeling a few years ago, a seemly innocent incident and dismissed it. Even the spouse said that it had to be benign and to let it go. I wish I hadn’t as now I can’t say that I like this. Even with a discussion about it all, things are still tense (well as least for me as there’s no trust). I trust him about as far as I can throw a VW bug.

You would just expect people that are your friends to be there to help you and protect you from the perils of the world while the spouse is gone protecting a nation, instead you get hit with a cheap shot sucker punch and an apology that was so thin I could read through it like tissue paper. Human nature pisses me off sometimes, you read about the average male or female and you laugh thinking that these statistics are some how not really valid. Then you witness and become a statistic of human behavior.

Why are people so predictable? I am angry with myself, and this situation. It just pisses me off that people think it is okay to violate your trust, (in fact almost blow it off as a moot point like nothing really happened) and then blame it on something else.

Why didn’t I listen to my gut instinct? Always trust your gut.

Feelings of frustration

You pick your friends based on something you find of interest in them. Maybe they are the opposite of you or maybe they are so similar to you its scary. Either way you find some quality in them that interests you. So when it comes to manners, do I set the bar to high? Heaven knows I am not perfect and I make mistakes on a regular basis, but the core values I don’t normally break. So am I expecting too much out of my friends when I get angry when they fail to hold those core values themselves?

A friend of mine for the last two weeks has run into the issue of forgetting that Galileo does exist, and that the world does not revolve solely around them. I don’t like sitting home alone all the time so in general if I was invited to go somewhere I did. Lately though it’s just been that everything had to be done her way. I guess I could have spoken up about wanting to do different things but most of the choices were okay with me.

Sadly, my feelings are a bit hurt. You see from my perspective, I was called to go places on a regular basis because she was fighting with her siblings. So since she couldn’t call the brother or sister-in-law I feel like I was the one that was called may not have been had others been available for her to call instead. As soon as the family feud subsided I seemed to fall off the speed dial. Normally I just let thing slide and try to give people a break, especially since her health isn’t all the greatest and her spouse is deployed like mine. What really irked me though was watching her treat another person poorly and then partially place me in the middle of it.

For about two weeks now Miss T had sent out an email for one of those Tupperware deals. She only invited a few folks because large crowds scare her. I said I was going but my other friend never responded. She never called, never answered the email, etc. A few times I was asked whether she would make it or not. So during a phone call I asked and she said yes. So I told Miss T that she was going to go.So as a reminder I sent the copy of the email back to my friend a week before the event. The response I got was that “we’ll see if I can go.” I politely reminded her that she had already told me she was going and I had told Miss T that. For the rest of that week (and the week before) I had little to no contact with her. Every time I called the cell phone wasn’t answered or was off. Now if I didn’t return a phone call from her within two hours she called repeatedly and would send Miss T over to my house to make sure I wasn’t dead. But, hey she’s a grown up so if she didn’t return the call I didn’t freak. I just thought it was rude to hold one standard for your friends but not for yourself. The one or two responses I got during the week via email stated that she was extremely busy at work and getting off late everyday. Okay no problem - people get busy with things all the time.

So Friday rolls around, I am at work on my day off and was hiding from everyone long enough to do a little catch up work. Miss A and I had sent an email or two to each other that day and I relayed that the day before the hubby had dumped a large problem to be worked on me and I wasn’t thrilled. I also said that the night at Miss T’s was on but since all but me, Miss A and one other person had flaked out I was going to go. Miss T has a little bit of social anxiety so I said I was still going and we were going to watch movies and hang out. I got another email back saying that I couldn’t keep her in suspense and had to tell her what was going on. Well let’s see I am in on my day off because I have WORK to do, I want to get my work done and go home. I didn’t respond to her request of spilling the dirt - I figured I could do it later. Around 7pm and a minute from Miss T’s I get a phone call asking me what I am doing. I tell Miss A that I am a minute from Miss T’s. So she asks me again what was going on, I responded that there’s not enough time to go over that as I am a minute from their house. So I get the smart assed response “well you tell me when you’re ready.” I told her it’s not that I am not ready but I don’t have the time, I am expected to be somewhere. So I was told to tell Miss T that Miss A couldn’t make it.

Anyways the next morning I woke at o’dark thirty to drive with some friends from work to go to Vilseck to buy crystal. At about 1500 I called Miss A to see what she’s doing for the evening as maybe after a nap I might want to have dinner. Come to find out the poor woman is in the hospital again. She thinks she might have a blood clot, but has been putting it off for a week now. Her and her sister-in-law had already made plans to go see a movie but she may not make it. I asked if the boys needed a ride home from work and when I would be back in the area. It was left up in the air at the moment so I said I would check in with her later. About 1730 I called and she was still in the ER. I went ahead and picked up her eldest. We stopped by my house took the dog potty, fed her and unloaded my crystal. I was supposed to wait at her house in case they admitted her so I could bring an overnight bag and pick up her other son who was at the hospital. I get a call about 1850 from her son saying that I am to go to McDonald’s near the theater. I am tired and getting a cranky. Why in heavens name do I have to go all the way over there? Her son sounds confused (because I being a cranky booger) and states that we are going to the movies. When I ask what movie, I don’t want to see it and that shows up in my voice. So through the phone I hear the guilt trip of Miss A about how she thought I wanted to hang with them. If they were going to see something I didn’t want to see and I am tired why go? I’d rather sleep and am getting crankier by the minute. So I go anyways to avoid an argument. At the end of the evening it was talked about that they would be going to another movie on Sunday in the early afternoon. I said I would like to go.

Today I call about an hour before the movie since I’ve heard from no one and make sure they are still going. She says she’s out shopping and to meet at the theater. I arrive about 1320 because of a call from the spouse. The younger son tells me they’ve already bought their tickets and said they told the man to set one aside for me in row seven. Now if the shoe were on the other foot I would have bought the ticket and asked for the money later. They knew I was coming so it’s not like they would have lost out on their money. Even if I didn’t make it, I would have paid them for the ticket. What got worse was that their eldest son decided to be polite (they are both great young men) and waited in line with me, only to have the youngest come with the ticket and say they were going inside. That just did it in for me. First you flake on a person on Friday, by never having the common courtesy to ever RSVP for the party, then you expect me to be rude and sit on the side of the road and tell you all about a problem I am having when I am expected to be at someone’s house. Apparently sitting and watching movies wasn’t interesting enough to her so she went out to dinner with someone else, but asked me to tell the hostess that she wasn’t going to be there. So the attitude that it’s all about her extends to not waiting for me at the theater or even being kind enough to buy a ticket for me. And then I get left out in the lobby while everyone else takes their seats? But of course we waited for her to return from the hospital, slowed down while we walked and made sure that we all went in together the night before. So the little things are starting to add up and they are really starting to piss me off.

So I guess I expect my friends RSVP to people & call when if they can’t make it. If a person is running late, (like a call from Afghanistan) set them up the best you can. Don’t chew out your friends without hearing the whole story first. Lastly, during heated discussions, when one friend tries to tell another that they are being rude it might not be wise to talk to them like they are a sixteen year. Some folks use colourful language like “fucking” and I’ll be damned if I didn’t hear said to me numerous times while trying to keep people from driving when they shouldn't be.

So do I expect too much? Or should I just expect that I am to be treated as the friend that’s called when no one else is around, when it suits them or when there’s something that needs to be done? I am a giving person by nature. I honestly don't mind picking up kids two minutes from my house and then hitting dinner near their home or having them stay with me for the weekend. I don't expect money, gifts or any type of repayment. I help people because they need help, but you shouldn’t leave a person feeling like they are being taken advantage - not by being asked to help (that's not the problem) but that all of a sudden the request for help disappears when other folks are back in the "circle of trust."

I am so frustrated & hurt.

Simon LeBon is still cute!

My friends totally ROCK! I just got the best phone call in like I don't know since the VTC. I am going to see DURAN DURAN next friday!!!! I am so excited in case you can't figure it out. My friend and I both entered a contest for tickets and promised to take each other if we won.

Well she just got her phone call about twenty mintues ago and I am just like an eight year old high on sugar on Christmas morning!

Yeah! Thank you Miss J!!! (Please tell "the Man" I am sorry I bogarted his seat)

Never been considered typical

I received an email today from another blogger. He responded to a comment I made about one of his entries. He also thanked me for writing about the trials and tribulations I face as a military spouse. His spouse is still new to being a military wife and he said she feels better knowing that she’s not alone in some of the silly situations that can happen.

Reading the portion of the email about the mishaps as a spouse reminded me an American Dream episode I’d seen recently. If you haven’t seen the show it’s based on a family living in Philly, PA during the late 1950’s and early 1960’s. It deals with the race riots, race relations and has just started a story arc that touches on Vietnam. The eldest son was the all star football player who lost his scholarship by injuring his knee. To pay for college and to pursue his dream JJ decided to follow the foot steps of John Glenn – join the military, go to college and become an astronaut. JJ also decided to marry his high school girlfriend Beth.

Here’s where the story arc hits right close to home. Beth traveled to meet JJ at his duty station. She’s a freshman in college some where and took the bus to meet him and JJ’s buddies. Beth was left at the spouses’ table and sat listening to the conversation. She felt out of place and was being berated horribly because of her ambition. This particular set of women had completely different ideas of what it meant to be a wife than she did. They didn’t understand why she was going to college, why she wanted to work outside the home and how come she wasn’t pregnant yet. Trying to avoid any further grilling from the inquisition committee, Beth exits the conversation quickly and quietly.

I have been in Beth’s place to many times to count. The criteria for not fitting in may have been different but the end result was the same – I was the square peg attempting to fit into a round hole and those women were going to make it obvious that I just didn’t fit. To strike up a good piece of imagery, visualize spending the evening stuck at the table of the Mad Hatter’s tea party from "Alice and the Looking Glass."

If you were to ask me to pidgin hole or stereotype one of these women, to define them for easy avoidance, you can’t – not really. They don't fit neatly in any one category. It wasn’t always the officer wife, or always the stay at home mom. It wasn’t always the college educated either. This type of person seems to cross through all boundaries (regardless of rank, education, religion or status) falling where ever on the spectrum of people. You just learn to spot them by listening and watching how they behave – and then you steer clear of them as best you can.

I of course don’t make things easy in situations like these. I am not a typical military wife. I told my husband on the day we were married, “I don’t own a Jackie Kennedy hat, I won’t wear white gloves, I don’t cross my legs at the ankle and I don’t care what’s on the man’s epaulets, if he’s an ass I will be the first to tell him so.” He laughed so hard at my comment and told me we’d be in for one hell of a ride.

Living up to my declaration, regardless of rank I talk to them. I asked the SGM of the Army what one of his ribbons was for because I had never seen it. My husband stood with his mouth slightly agape just in awe at the fact that I introduced myself and then asked my question. I’ve met and spoke with Mrs. Shinseki on FRGs, talked to a myriad of Generals and drive on. There will be no changing me on that one. (Sorry, my dear)

Thanks to that stubborn, fight for the underdog, outspoken determination I seem to have friends from everywhere and anywhere. They are from all ranks, any ethnic group, religion and gender. I am too Californian to get caught up in overt pretension. As long as you don’t endanger someone or yourself and you don’t shove your views down someone’s throat, then do what you want. Life wouldn’t be interesting if you didn’t have friends that you could disagree with about something. So why place yourself in such a small niche of people who think, speak, and believe exactly what you do? How boring is that?

So have hope, out there are great people who don’t care about your spouse's rank, who don’t care if you work at home or go into an office, they don’t even care if you ever stepped foot in college. Once you’ve found someone and you connect with them on some level you will be amazed at the distances you can travel and still call them a friend.

The military life can be the most interesting groupings of microcosms; it's endless hours of study for a true people watcher like me.

What's wrong with fiesty?

I had to laugh at myself today. I caught a glimpse of my arm and after seeing the multiple bruises left by my over zealous partner in karate the day before I started to think better of calling for the doctors appointment I need. The left side has one bruise that covers a small space spread out into a long thin rectangle. My right arm has three or so bruises spread out over the radius where I make contact with my partner’s punches.

The last time I went in to the doctor was for my annual exam and was a day or so after testing at the dojo. I was covered in bruises on my arms, a few in the ribs, knees and a small ‘shiner’ I received while free fighting. Of course doing his proper duty the doc asks me if I am in fear of my life at home. I crack up laughing and tell him what I do as a hobby, ensuring him that my spouse had never lifted his hand to me ever, not even in jest. I even promised to provide pictures of my school with my Sensei if he didn't believe me.

So I just sit here and laugh at myself. I have the worst timing sometimes and need to not succumb to the feisty little ‘tomboy’ in me who doesn’t mind the bruising as long as it provides a great story to recant later.

...Let me tell you about the time I was fighting this guy in class and when I was pulling him out of the ring he turned and…

Thoughts on a warrior's ethos

Maj D has a nicely written entry today. I especially liked the comment that LH wrote.

People are still coming to terms with the wars going on and reaching a status of complete understanding is not likely to come soon for the masses (myself included). Each person struggles with some part of the argument or concept no matter who they are or their status.

Maj D writes:

"This war will be won through the knowledge that the warrior cannot be separated from the human, that we can no longer fight wars by separating all that is decent and humane from our actions in relentless destruction of those who mean us harm, but rather by the embodiment of decency and humanity in our warrior ethos in order to secure victory through peace."

I kind of agree with this. I am still taking the thought in and processing it, but I think it's true. You can't keep them separate, that's like asking a lion not to chase prey. But, if you try to use more of humanity while protecting your (or another's) nation your warrior ethos as he said will be more apt to have better judgement. Or at least allow for the decisions to be shaped by a more multifacted thought process.

Still in Euphoria

I am still riding high in the euphoria of Sunday. I think Deena Carter says it best:

If you get out in the driving rain
Stand in the eye of the hurricane
And never think twice

If you turn your back on selfishness
And your thoughts are for someone else
'Cause they've changed your life

That's how you know it's love
That's how you know it's meant to be
When the span of forever
Just never seems long enough
That's how you know it's love

When your heart insists that you give it all
When you no longer fear the fall
And you just let go

When the past is finally dead and gone
Fate leads you somewhere to the one
That has your soul

CHORUS

No part of you questions
No part of you doubts
You're only sure this is what love's about
And nothing and no one
Can stand in your way
Or keep you from saying what your heart is dying to say

CHORUS

That's how you know it's love
That's how you know it's meant to be
That's how you know it's love
That's how you know it's love

Soldier's Wife

I ran across this while looking at another blogger I read. I liked it. It was very insightful, especially from a reverse perspective. I will have to read AS' blog more often.