Patiently Waiting....

Green eyed monster

2011-02-27T13:45:00.001-08:00

Booo, yet another person I know is pregnant. We've been trying for several months. I already knew going into this that I have endometriosis as well as 2 uterine fibroids, so the longer we took the lower the chances. We've even been doing some creative planning since the hubby isn't here at the moment and has been coming home during special times.

I mean I'm happy for them, yes that I am but still a little jealous since I hit 40 this year and was hoping to have birthed a healthy, happy second child before the big 40.

Typical right?

2011-02-27T06:49:00.001-08:00

I love my boy I do so don't get me wrong when I say this, but the boy drives me nuts. I ask him 3-4 times if he wants something to eat. After getting answers of no each time, I make my food and sit down. Just as my butt brushes the chair he asks for breakfast and is insistent that it must happen right then and there. Besides that if I didn't go and make it, he'd hover over my food until I fed him most of it.

I KNOW I had to have done this to my Mom a million times as a kid. Well at least until I was about 7 or 8 and she could direct me to the cupboards and make myself a bowl of cereal. Of course at 3 it's a bit much to try and make him do that. I could just see the milk ending up in a flood on the floor or worse yet the family room where he attempted to make it so he wouldn't miss out on something.

I guess this is one thing that I'll just have to wait a few years longer for or I could just have him start doing curls with milk jugs.

Puff piece makes me snicker

2011-02-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

There's a ton of background I need to give but basically the short version is our neighbor D lost her husband in a helicopter crash in September. I try my hardest to help but I didn't know her well and she's very independent so I come across as the crazy stalker lady that pays the neighbor kid to shovel her driveway and keeps an eye on her on facebook.

Anyways, next to the D is the Family Readiness Support Assist (FRSA) for my husband's unit. She was a bitch when I met her, she tried to dime me out to the BN CO's wife when I was first got to the unit on the spouse/family side. Subsequently I was totally and completely ignored during the hubby's deployment with that unit. And I mean literally ignored as in got 3 calls the entire time none of which were from the BN COs wife or the FRSA and umm my spouse was the XO.

So coming back to D, I found out through a facebook posting that the FRSA had the balls from her yard to attempt to on the spot correct a visitor to D's home. He apparently was on the front porch/walk without his hat on. Yes technically that is out of uniform since he was outside but he was hugging the 4 kids that are left behind to deal with losing their dad. Then the FRSA's husband who was junior ranking to the visitor tried to get all up in the guy's business. Apparently it was fairly ugly from the FRSA's side and ended with D saying something to the effect that in the event that the FRSA's husband is killed she hopes that someone treats the FRSA's just like how she was treated that day.

So today I see a photo of the entire group of FRSAs and I couldn't help but snicker. They were touting how awesome they are and the first thought that came to mind was how that ASS of a FRSA treated a war widow a month after his death, a neighbor, fellow mother and military spouse. Awesome my left foot, more like a husband rank wearing, thinking I'm a top dog as a GS-6, sorry excuse for a compassionate human being.

D has more class in her pinkie toe than the FRSA has in her entire lifetime and borrowing from friends.

Stupid Storm

2011-02-25T05:52:00.000-08:00

We are prepping the house for renters so we can move on to the new locale. Unfortunately last night me and the boy spent 30 minutes or so bunkered down in the coat closet playing with the maglite and watching the weather page on my phone.

I grabbed the garbage can after the all clear last night and noticed another shutter had been torn off the house. We already lost one on an earlier storm but I had bought the replacements so I only needed someone with drills and bits that I don't own to come and install them. Well crap in the daylight wouldn't you know it, the upstairs shutters and windows are smaller than the ground floor. Frickin' A! So you know this means I'm stuck hanging out the window this weekend to measure those shutters and then special order them.

Stupid 70mph winds!

Lets see if I have time

2011-02-24T20:42:00.000-08:00

I miss blogging, I really do. It's just that I'd rather spend time with the little man and work of course blocks my access to blogger so my good ideas and great posts slip out of my mind and off into mommy brain.

Hopefully I can keep up, even with just a little bit. Little man has been saying some serious gems I'd like to capture somewhere besides facebook and they usually are worth a pretty good chuckle.

Lets see and happy blogging.

Week 6 and the end is near

2009-07-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

I am on week 6 of 12 weeks of the very LAST semester of school. Come August I will have a MBA and a MSM. Then I am all edumacated and will not do school again. Then its off to painting the house since it appears the HRC wants to move the husband in 2010.

Unitl then posts will be few and far between.

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T08:30:00.001-07:00

Please remember those that serve, have served and those that gave the ultimate sacrifice today.

My strife is small sitting here watching the big comfy couch for 100th time today missing my spouse. There are so many who would be forgotten without you all. So please take the time to remember.

I should be a laywer

2009-04-24T19:42:00.001-07:00

According to the guy with an actual JD and a license I should go back to school yet again for MY JD. Jimmy's nucking futs! I've got one semester left of grad school, there's no going back....um thanks. But, my ability to write extremely well when really pissed off worked like a charm. Tuesday I was informed in writing that I was cleared of the charge and alleged crime at work. (After finals I will take the time to sanatize it and publish it, I'm really proud of it actually.)

I read the first paragraph as it contained the main premsis, stopped reading and started sobbing in the Directors office. Free at last, thank the Lord I'm free at last.

What is up with AOL Trolls?

2009-04-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I'd like to know what is up with the trolls on AOL? I read a very cute little puff piece about Michelle Obama taking questions of kids during 'Take your kid to work day.' (link to the article is in the title) It is a puff piece but its about little kids people lets not get crazy, okay?

I mean really, some of the posts that actually contained real words and not IM shorthand or hell just spelled correctly were horrible. There were so many references to how they are nothing but a bunch of socialists and that Bush was better. Some really made nasty comments about Michelle's appearance as well as the normal racist crap including sadly making a comment about how anyone can train a monkey to wear heels. They even called her sasquatch - who cares that she's a tall woman? Really?

I didn't agree with 90% of what Bush did or said his last term and did not vote for him in either election eventhough I am a registered Republican. I may call him a moron and that he made political choices that I truly don't agree with, but geeze some of the anti-Obama comments are just hideous.

Its just a shame that the bashing continues to be like this even after the election. I didn't like the bashing that existed during the campaign season at all. It's that stuff in general that makes it hard for me to vote (I still do because it can make a difference). I've lost a lot of faith in our deomcratic process and the horrid mud slinging like this and just outright rudeness of commentary that's not even relevant to politics makes me want to go back to "my island" if you remember the movie Braveheart where I can be queen and tell people to STFU.

**Okay back to my final I keep procrastinating.**

Sigh.....Seriously

2009-04-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

I've been debating about posting this since its sensitive in nature of the person I'm writing about. I have a major concern about females and the Army lately. I firmly believe in equal rights and feel that women do have a valid place in the military. What I don't get is why they are being treated with less than normal dignity when it comes to sexual assault?

Again I have to give the abridged version of this for space as well as her privacy but I'm friends with a female officer stationed here. She's been posting posts that were getting slightly and slightly more odd lately on the mil spouse board I am a part of. Then the other night she posted her whole story.

She posted how she was raped by her boyfriend's best friend with a shotgun next to her as a teen. How her parents blamed her for being raped, how her college experience included a close call with being assaulted again and then told she was worthless and shouldn't get a commission. She then recounts her time in one of the sandboxes, speaking of a fellow officer who stepped over the line with sexual comments and then proceeded to make uninvited visits to her hut in the middle of the night pounding on the door for the duration of her time downrange. When she reported the behaviors she was told to suck it up and that she was just taking it wrong. She filed an EO complaint, it was investigated and the guy was due a Art 15. Well some monkey butt down graded it to a local command letter placed in his file - yeah for attempting sexual assault of a female. Meantime the midnight door knocks continued while down range. She was alone in her room because she was the only female and they wouldn't room her with enlisted females.

Fast forward to the present and we find out that she's been trying to get through the behavioral health here only be be told that if she would just "submit" to her spouse and become a better Christian and an appropriate wife her feelings of fear and trauma from the rape, barely escaped assault, and attempted sexual assault down range would ALL go away if she'd just become the better wife and Christian. That makes me want to beat the man who told her that - I love Christians but I LOATHE zealots period. So she was basically handed three sets of pills and sent on her merry way.

Sadly the pills were the wrong thing to give and she wanted to sleep off her pain she was feeling and started mixing different pills with booze. Thankfully she figured it out, walked out of her bedroom and asked her husband to take her to the ER. They figured that if they went to the civilian hospital they might get better care - yeah uh no! The doc at the local hospital here marked her as combatant so the MPs showed up, cuffed her ass and took her to the military hospital. Here's a woman hurting due to being violated so many different ways and they cuff her as a threat of being combatant. If you'd see her you'd smack them for thinking that. She's a twig, a tiny, nasally talking twig not a combatant. When her husband spoke to her BN CO the next day she told the husband that his wife needed to "just let it go" and not take it personally that she was now being asked to work with a guy that tormented her the entire deployment. Way to go BN CO with being soo sympathetic to another female officer.

Not sure what's happening to her today other than behavioral health was supposed to follow up with her and they never did. She has her regular counseling appointment on Thursday but what if she didn't ask for help like she did? We already have the highest suicide rate in all of Army at this duty station but lets add to it by ignoring a true issue with women and the Army and their failure to address sexual assault.

You know you are old when....

2009-04-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

You see a commerical from Time Life for Hard & Heavy, a compulation 2 disc set of hard rock music you grew up with. *sigh* I'm frickin' old now.

3 Aprr 2009

2009-04-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

After 7 pages of writing, a review by an attorney in a related but different field I turned in my rebuttal. I have never felt so sick to my stomach but its done. I also tried to be professional and set up at appointment time to meet with her to answer any of her questions regarding my written reply.

I think that meeting went well. I brought up my suspicion that the guy was trying to put something in his record that he could then turn around and sue the Army for discrimination. Her follow on question to that was well would you accept the document again, I said no but I wouldn't accept the original either. I firmly believe the employee altered multiple parts of the document before handing it to my co-worker - so the thing's not authentic in the first place. I asked for a short training course from the local military personnel folks on DD214s so we don't end up in a similar place again. Overall I think it went well.

I have a weird feeling that umm she was setting this up for good cop/bad cop or to be our knight in shining armor. Right now as long as I get off with the admonishment I asked for or anything other than a suspension I will take it and run.

Now I just get to wait for the written response.

I am doing MUCH better by the way. Getting some these things out of the way, having family and friend visits to look forward to and just trying to take a step back and just enjoy the joy of a 20 month old learning new things is helping. I knew my feelings weren't a chemical issue but just too much self imposed stress. I'm still looking at resigning after I pay off the last of my school and the crappy fence after they re-do it to my liking.

My son could build this better than you....

2009-04-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

Let me show you pictures and then explain....

Yeah they started this two Mondays ago. First we couldn't find the property marker so they were going to call the surveyer. I found the marker that night in the dark and marked it for them. Then we had all this crappy weather. The posts went in Tues, it rained Wed. They dropped off the rails and pickets Thursday and it rained all Friday. Saturday they did the neighbors fence first.

The next Mondy I came home to find all of what I showed you. I called and had everyone's ass. First the pickets are too far apart. Oz can fit his torso through up to his melon (thankfully its too big). I asked for 2 1/4" and got 3 3/4" instead. The salesman tried to blame me, until I showed them the email where I orginially asked for 2" but was told that 2 1/4" was standard. They are sanding off the post tops that look like crap because they use a frickin chainsaw. And they are fixing the posts where the rails have a large gap because the chainsaw weilding yahoo cut them too short. They are going to merry up the pickets at the corner posts to that the street doesn't see the 2X4s and all that where everything meets at the corner. Lastly they are fixing the picket spacing as well as using their heads and covering the seams at the posts with a frickin picket.

I was all ramped up for a fight too. I had my dad on standby on the phone to yell at them via speaker phone and I planned on contacting the local news station that does a "that's messed up" segment and I planned on reporting them to the BBB, as well as spread it through my FRG that these people take advantage of military members and deployed spouses. Luckily, he wasn't a total asshat and these things are being fixed.

Why the hell they aren't here today like he said he would be I don't effin' know but I won't call him the owner has a family and I have a fence, albeit a retarded, slappy happy POS one at the moment. They are very lucky they haven't charged my card either or I would have their heads on pikes in my front yard.

Have you ever wondered (Handy Manny)..........?

2009-03-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

Why doesn’t anyone pay Kelly for the stuff they take from her store? Manny just asks for it and Kelly just hands it out.And for that matter, why doesn’t ANYBODY pay for anything? I mean I’ve never seen Mrs. Portillo pay for the repairs Manny makes.

Why isn’t there a husband to Manny’s sister and a father to her child?In fact why aren’t there any partners at all for Abuelito, Kelly, Manny, Manny’s Sister or the Chinese or Indian families? There’s always just one parent with a kid??

Why don’t strangers freak out when tools talk to them?

How in the hell does Manny know how to fix everything from a stove, to a fire truck light bar to an elevator? I mean seriously do you WANT him fixing the elevator – something that can plummet to the earth from several stories up?

Where does Manny live, in the back of his shop?

Where does everyone pay the bills? I’ve never seen anything but the Mayor’s office.

Do the tools co-sleep in Manny’s bed?

Has anyone ever noticed just how much of an asshat Mr. Lopart is? He's always rude to Manny yet Manny fixes his screw ups all the frickin' time!

The Tools love eating but where the hell do they poop from?

Does anybody ever get laid in Sheetrock hills?

Does Kelly ever grab Manny behind the paint shelves and ask him if he wants to “hit this?”

Yes I've lost my mind with singleparenthood............

2009-03-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

On Thursday I hit the breaking point of a culmination of a lot of things. Mentally, physically and spiritually I have had enough and am struggling. After a lousy day at work on my way to get Oz I had to pull over and cried uncontrollably for 20 minutes. I felt so sad, overwhelmed and without hope. Throw in a few dark thoughts and I basically scared the shit out of myself. I went home that night and promised myself that if I still felt this way the next morning I'd call someone.....I did and I did.

I called my non-biological sister. She's a sister by adaption not adoption but I've become a member of her family when hers were abusive shits and she formed her own family. I knew that if I exposed it all, said it all, without abridging or editing anything that she wold not freak out. I didn't need a state of panic I needed a rock.....A Christina if you saw the last episode of Grey's.

First, just talking outloud, even the dark stuff made a thousand pound weight feel more like 20 lbs. I've taken on too much this deployment and something has got to go. I'm working fulltime, my work is trying to suspend me for taking a stupid form someone marked out the word "homosexual" on with whiteout, I've got a full course load for grad school, the husband's deployed, I'm a single parent, my kid is a toddler, my FRG is not very active and I have no family around to lean on physically. My sister wondered how it took me 5 months into the deployment before I reached my limit.

We worked out some things like she's coming to visit in May, the MIL is coming in April and I am to ask my parents or my brother to come out in June. Either they can babysit or I get a sitter and at least one night while they are here I am to go and do something, anything that I want to do. I also need to evaluate my feelings once a week and if after a few weeks or a month if I still feel sad, hopeless or overwhelmed I am to get my arse to a doc and look at being seen for depression.

I'm also setting up a time line to resign from work. After I finish writing up my response to my proposed suspension and I get what ever it is I am railroaded into I am either finding a new job or resigning. Right now my income pays for home improvements and the last of grad school. I just bought a new fence and have one last semester of school to pay for. After those two things are paid off if I haven't found a new job I'm giving a single finger salute to work and resigning. Money won't be free flowing like it is now, but we can survive with just one income.

Unfortunately I may lose my mind since I enjoy working when I don't work in an office of asshats. I like the adult conversation that I get from working with customers and such. I also worry because Oz loves it at daycare. He loves the kids, his vocab is off the charts (minus mommy teaching him the f-bomb) and really enjoys his teacher. I'm hoping to find a job somewhere else so I don't have to quit the big picture just get out of the nuthouse.

Anyways, I feel like I can at least breath now. I have a plan of attack, a plan of what to do should these feelings not go away and am reaching out to my family and friends for support which they are happy to give. I can't wait until June which is pretty much my cutoff date for leaving the nuthouse. So there is a light at the end of tunnel, thank God for my sister.

Sums things up at the moment...

2009-03-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

What a difference

2009-03-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not a parenting genius. I've made mistakes (my kid says the FBomb no thanks to my roof being torn up and me seeing it). But I have noticed that I'm getting better each day and that I'm getting fairly good at observing.

One of my observations today was that Oz was being a little terd more and more throughout the day. He was also a little more on the whiney side. These aren't normal for him. Yes he tortures the dog for what ever unknown reason I can't get worked out yet but towards me he's a very loving and friendly little guy. So being a terd, whiney and hanging out on my lap for more than 20 minutes is a bad sign.

So throughout the day I've been checking his temp. Nothing major, normal mostly with a little spike around 1800 to 99.9 degrees. I just kept pushing the fluids and gave him some Tylenol. Around 1830 while sitting in my lap watchin for the umpteen time a Handy Manny episode and eating grapes Oz proceeds to vomit - everywhere. He got me, himself, his hair, the lazyboy, the turkish carpet, the kitchen floor, the kitchen sink (I put him in the sink while he finished) and the kitchen counter. Grapes the second time around smells horrible...ewwwwie. Of course you know the house keeper came today so everything was clean.

I bite the bullet and strip the boy but he starts freaking in the sink. Half dressed and shivering (mainly from the scare of vomiting) now I drag him upstairs to the bath. He was so happy to see that bathtub. I strip him the rest of the way and plop him into the tub. I strip myself and run to get new clothes for me since I was leaving him more than an arms reach from me in a tub with water. He played for a bit and I wiped him down to get off the stink.

He was a light eater today so eventhough I was so proud that he'd been bottle free for over two weeks now, I handed him a bottle with a Pedialyte and grape juice mix. The grape juice cuts the salty taste. Wouldn't you know that puking was the perfect thing for him? Yeah his temp went down, his head didn't feel warm anymore and he was all about playing. I wish I had paid attention to the signs a bit earlier and maybe I could have stopped feeding him grapes.

Seriously I am done with this deployment. I am frustrated at being home alone with all this good stuff happens to just me. I've got some work issues too that are compounding my feelings of not being able to hack it right now - but they are so messy and personal that I don't want to talk about it.

Progress...on both counts

2009-03-03T18:36:00.000-08:00

We are finally past the 33% mark for my donut of misery! Yes, only 66% more to go on this deployment. *Insert Snoopy dance here*

All my blood work is back and it all checked out. I don't have a blood disorder, at least not at the moment. I am supposed to get tested again in 6 months. If it checks out clear, then I shouldn't have to worry. That's good news for me, I can stop worrying about cancer. Yes I know just about everything symptom wise can be tracked back to some form of cancer, but the blood disorder they were concerned about has a risk of morphing into leukemia and you have a 19 month old - it puts the scare to you.

So two counts of good news!

linear programming sucks eggs

2009-02-28T09:11:00.000-08:00

I started on Wednessday setting up my linear programming equation for a project due Sunday (look Ma, no procrastinating). I spent 2 hours Wed, 2 Thur and last night I spent 4 hours trying find the error in my formula that making the equation unsovlable. I finally found it and now I need to tweak two fields because I'm not sure if my variable is right.

I am so happy I used my head and started early on this! It sucks by the way, math I really never ever want to use after the end of this semester.

Little Update

2009-02-22T18:08:00.001-08:00

Alrighty had an ear check and there's no infection! There's a little fluid she said but nothing that should cause him to get all bent over it. She put in for a referral for a hearing test so we can at least see if there are any issues there. I ended up using a decongestant the Omnicef doc perscribed for me for the last few days, just at night to keep his stuffy nose at bay. Looks like the little cold is over and I can stop giving it to him.

So no tubes yet but a hearing test which will be a good indicator if anything needs to be done.

Sanity wherefore art thou?

2009-02-17T21:09:00.000-08:00

So all that not sleeping through the night may be based upon one thing - ear fluid. Not the wrong temp, not hunger but that we can't get the fluid out of little man's ears. Since 26 Dec 08 Oz has been on Amoxi, Augmenten and Omnicef. He just finsihed the Omni on Friday. Come Sunday he started waking up in the middle of the night again. The Peds NP we saw last started talking tubes and I started running fast in the other direction.

I'm leary about tubes for a few reasons:

1) Its surgery on an 18 month old.

2) Military Medical has done me wrong quite a few times that I am EXTREMELY gunshy, about letting someon hack into my kid's ear drums.

3) He's so close to 2 where the ear canal (yeah I can say the right word but can't spell it) will start to naturally drop and reduce infections until the ears reach their proper place at around age 4.

4) I don't wanna make this decision by myself

I'm also really tired and loopy over the waking up 3-4 times a night. I'm sure its killing Oz too, but I'm supposed to be the sane one and I feel that sanity slipping between school, work and lack of sleep. I noticed I'm getting more impatient with Oz too and that's not fair - not really. He's waking because his ears are bugging him and its his only form of communication. I'm not a meanie, I know why this is happening but I'm just sooooo tired that I cry for no reason at times. I just want to fix it, to fix him and give him his nights back and probably his days too where he's not being bothered by his ears.

I'm going to go ahead and ask about the consult with the ENT Dept tomorrow while I take him back into the Peds NP. I'd like to try one more thing (well exhaust all possible treatements) before going to surgery. I've read and some have mentioned a long round of antibiotics, like taking bactrim for 6 weeks to see if we finally can't kill off what ever is growing in there.

As for tonight we are running the humidifier (like normal), he took his zyrtec (like normal), no bottle but a sippy for that final drink, sitting up for the final drink and I elevated the one side of the crib (not like he doesnt just turn the other frickin way though). I also tried a granola treatment of place drops of a perioxcide/water mixture and dribbled a few drops in his ear. Its supposed to help clear the infection and relieve the pressure. If I thought he'd hold still we have the uber cool German puppy that has cherry pits in his belly. You microwave the cherry pits and its a warm comrpess. I also read that placing a warm bag of salt (cherry pit puppy equiv) helps to sooth and draw out the fluid so that's where the cherry puppy comes in.

Anyways I sort of feel like tubes are the devil but more and more people say they are heavenly so I don't really know. I just know that something has to happen to help this poor kid get his ears straight and fix his sleeping through the night deal.

Of course not

2009-02-14T20:18:00.000-08:00

So after falling asleep in the patient room, I get woken up to an apology from the doc. The lab techs/ nurses are R'Tarded as I like to call it and for some reason failed to draw blood for ALL the tests. They pulled the two special ones that required me to come in on a certain day of the week.

Anyways we spoke about the two tests she took and they are looking promising. One is called the Jack test. It looks for a gene mutation and research has found that statistically 87% of those that test positive for the mutation have a blood disorder. This test was negative for me - so that's looking good.

We also talked about what research I have done about this. I stuck to the "good" sites like John Hopkins and the Mayo Clinic. But they had conflicting information about PV turning into acute leukemia. One site blames it on certain drugs being used, the other says that its really rare to turn into leukemia at all. Doc 2 here follows the theory that if you have a blood disorder your marrow is "malignant" or broken to begin with or it would function properly. Therefore the risk of a secondary illness is there and shouldn't be discounted. She also believes in starting at the lowest level of treatment first BEFORE pulling out the big guns or using drugs. So at least I know I'm not going to get pumped full of drugs any time soon.

Anyways so another 2 weeks I get to wait for the remaining tests. Although the Jack test is really helpful, and I don't relish the idea of someone sticking a long hollow rod into my hipbone, I would like to discuss with here exactly how conclusive this test is to see if having a final answer is worth the pain.

Personal Freakout

2009-02-10T18:49:00.000-08:00

So anyone that's read my blog, knows that biologically I am just not normal. I have a divot in my cervix, my uterus is tilted, I spit sutures after almost every surgery, my appendix fooled everyone into thinking I had a ovarian cyst because it swelled up and covered my ovary and now I probably have a blood disorder.

One hematologist says polycythemia Vera the second went broad on me and said myeloproliferative disorder. Basically in either situation your body produces too much of one blood part - usually the red cells. The first hematologist really seemed so happy go lucky about this and I assume it was because I was pregnant at the time. Two weeks ago when I went to see the second doc in order to follow up like I was supposed to she said the main test for this (if the blood tests don't work) is a bone marrow biopsy. Okay so I guess doc 1 didn't want to freak out the pregnant lady but geesh he could have warned me.

I see the doc 2 here on Friday with my blood test results. I hate going to see hematologists because they are always at oncology clinics. You get the weirdest looks there too being young and in a cancer clinic Anyways if the blood test doesn't rule in or out what doc 2 thinks then we go for the biopsy.

We were shooting the breeze about our stupid overcrowded clinic on post today and I mentioned my potential blood disorder. This is where my freak out happened one lady from the NAF office said that her aunt has polycythemia and was basically told she will end up with leukemia at some point soon. She's been treated for it for 32 years now, just diagnosed about 2 years after her son's birth. I'm not even 40 and now there's a potential for leukemia? So of course I google tonight on the myeloproliferative disorder and see that depending upon what kind of treatment or it running amok undiagnosed for a few years does have a higher to high risk of it turning into leukemia. She basically really scared the crap out of me.

Of course I'm single parenting right now, have no one to really bounce this off of and I started to bawl and cry and cry tonight - Mostly while snuggling Oz while rocking ni-night. I really need this appointment on Friday to go well or at least have her give me the current statistics of how often leukemia develops in patients with PV. It hits me so square in the face to see how having a child changes the way you look at things. I want to watch my son get married, grow up all of that and there's this potential for it to not happen. Yes I know I could get ran over too and don't freak out but still - I'm a worrywart...always have been, always will be.

Anyways I'm just venting my fears, I don't like this idea, leukemia, cancer, all of it just makes me want to run away from it all and live on an island where I can somehow manage to leave all health conditions back on the mainland.

Ha Ha Ha Ha!

2009-02-09T19:08:00.000-08:00

BTW....

2009-01-26T19:28:00.001-08:00

The second semester of 3 started today. I'm trying to still balance, school, work, single parenthood and spending quality time with Oz. So goofy things like blogging and cleaning the house (I hired someone) had to go. I WILL be done in August and should have time to get back to regular blogging. The husband will still be gone but I won't have 5 chapters to read in a night.

I'm still updating my links. I'm going through them as some of them went private and some of them are no longer vaild or posting. I will end up putting a note up here listing the private ones and ask for an invite.

I really, really don't want to do school anymore but I can't drop out and waste the money. Anyone want to take a 12 week class that covers Project mgmt, Operations Mgmt and IS Mgmt? Please? I need a B though, seriously anyone??

Ready, Set, Go!

2009-01-25T20:43:00.000-08:00

Oz and I are in the bathroom watching his tub fill up for his bath. I keep pulling the Thomas the tank engine train out of the tub because its not a water toy. While babbling and somewhat talking Oz says, "Ready, Set, Go!" I've never heard that one before so I'm all excited saying "Hey Oz that's GREAT! What a good........" He pees on the floor.

Apparently that was his prewarning before taking a wee.

ch..ch...ch...changes

2008-11-15T18:28:00.000-08:00

Yes I've started redoing my blog. I haven't killed all the links on purpose and I swear they are going back but knowing me it will take 6 months.

So no hijacking here, just me finding something 'pretty' but not the time to finish it quickly.

I'll take bugs for two thousand

2008-11-01T14:06:00.000-07:00

Okay folks what hell are these? They are hovering around the vent thingie up on the second floor of the house. Not sure if they are attempting to nest in the roof, gutter or attic. But ewww I need to know they are so I know who to call to kill them.

Only here...

2008-10-30T18:37:00.001-07:00

We should have checked it out weeks ago but didn't. Pulled out the shotgun tonight and went over the loading and unloading of it. Making sure I know where the release is for the shells if I don't fire it, where the safety is and how many rounds it holds based on the way the weapon is set up.

We ran into a little snag but easy to fix. The autoload of the next round is sticking. No big deal loading one round and then racking the pump is going to scare most people except the worst. I'm going to clean it tomorrow and see if I can get any gunk off that might be causing it to stick.

If the cleaning doesn't take care it I've been dictated which gunsmith to take it to already. *giggle* Unfortunately I will probably have to do it on a weekend which means, bringing the boy. This is what I find so hilarious. Me, a 15 month old, a 12 gauge, and a gunsmith. Now that's a redneck combination if I've ever seen one. I'm sure anyone even at my fatty mcfatty weight will get a kick out of a girl walking into a gunsmith asking for them to take a look at the feeder for the autoload as well as ordering and installing a 20" barrell to make it more home defense friendly.....all the while toting a 15 month old on her other hip and a coach purse in the crook of her arm.

First birthday pics

2008-10-25T21:01:00.001-07:00

Quick and easy to show.....

I need a timeout

2008-10-19T18:58:00.000-07:00

Hey I still exist but I really need a time out. I've got so much on my plate right now and just can't put time into my blog like I should. I'm still working, Oz is running, talking and being a wildman, the husband is deploying soon and I started the second half of my dual masters program. Taking a year off from school and then only having 3 hours a night to work on it is very difficult. Its only three semesters and I'm already halfway through the first semester so hopefully it will go by fast.

Once things slow down I will get back to blathering about the "fun" of deployment.

You know its bad when....

2008-06-22T18:57:00.001-07:00

Just a second after the husband apologizes for dragging his smelly fart with him to hand me a bottle, Oz starts coughing and hacking like he's smelt the foulest smell in the world. *giggle*

Cutie-Patutie

2008-06-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

Look Ma I found the stairs!

Why come I can't have BBQ pork ribs Daddy?

Cool I want the camera!

Wadda you lookin' at?

Look ma no hands!

I got Daddy stuck in the potty!

Work can be dangerous to your health

2008-06-18T19:24:00.000-07:00

Okay work's been sucky well just a pain in the arse really. I hate the unit I service they want to do my job but not follow the rules I'm required to follow. My new supervisor is very hard to read but his constructive criticism is a bit hard to swallow since he knows nothing about my job nor the legalities/regulations I must follow. So when the unit bitches about how I'm an effing arse he comes and yells at me and then turns around later after someone else has pointed out that its not my fault goes "oh" but that's about it. I've asked twice now to be moved to another assignment and have gotten one response fomr the big boss "lets discuss" but nothing more.

So after about three hours at work the weirdest feelings came over me. I was dizzy, I had a metal taste in my mouth, my face, hands and feet were pins & needles, my ankles were cankles and I had a headache. I put my face in my hands, closed my eyes and just tried to relax. It didn't seem to get better and that was about the time one co-worker walked by and asked if I was okay. These symptoms were a little concerning to me so I agreed to be driven to the ER.

Basically after all the tests and such the PA thinks I had an anxiety attack. Something about breathing to fast like you are hyperventalating causes the pins & needles but my breathing isn't any different than normal. I am stressed out more than normal though (after someone pointed it out to me that I mentioned it before and mentioned that I might be stressed because of overly crying behavior). I'm supposed to follow up with my regular doc if this doesn't go away.

I'm still having some tingles in my hands and face and the headache. What was suckyier than that was apparently when Miss A went upstairs to tell the coo-coo for co-co-puffs big boss and her only comment was "why didnt you call the ambulance?" She even walked past me FIVE times without even asking me after I returned if I was okay. About 20 minutes before the day was over she asked what happened. When I told her her only remark was "hrmmm" and she walked away.

Wow what support! I feel so special.

Where's Waldo?

2008-06-14T19:14:00.002-07:00

Waldo has been TDY, hid in the stairwell while a tornado took out parts of the college 5 minutes away from Waldo and trying desperately to keep Waldo's mouth in check at work so Waldo doesn't get fired.

Waldo is very, very tired.

How in the world?

2008-05-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

Took Oz to the doc today. He was playing with his ear again, lots of wax and not sleeping well at all. Saturday night he woke every three hours screaming or calling "mamamamamammmmm." Half the time he woke he didn't want a bottle, he wanted to be held. It was a long night. Last night he woke at 3:30 am and when I gave him a bottle, he just kept moving the nipple back and forth from the left to the right nibbling on the nipple.

Anyways back to the doc visit. The goober does NOT have an ear infection. His middle ear and inner ear look perfect! But he managed to somehow scratch his outer ear canal then further managed to get dirt, spit or something that created a bacterial infection. Don't ask me, I have no clue.

So we brought home ear drops from the doc. I have to sit on the boy to place them in his ear twice a day - joy. But tonight when I got them in his ear and started to massage it, he closed his eyes a bit as if he was in ecstasy. Apparently the drops will help.

Oh and he's also a crankbutt because he's sprouting all FOUR of his upper front teeth at once. One has cut through, two are about to and the last one is still a shadow but very close to the surface.

Representin'

2008-05-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

Are we jerk neighbors?

2008-04-29T17:27:00.000-07:00

I'm going to have a 8-9 year old boy some time here but are we the "jerk" neighbors?

Our subdivision does not have a fence as a standard to a home. So our home doesnt have a fence. Our neighbors to the right have a poorly constructed, falling down POS fence. The neighbors to the left have no fence. Both sets of neighbors have kids between the ages of 7-15. We are constantly asking the kids to not walk through our backyard to play at each others houses. This has been going on for almost a year now.

The teenage boy and his friend cut through our backyard to the empty field behind us to get to the main road.

The boys have walked past DH while he's edging the lawn without saying a word right through the middle of our backyard.

The right side neigbor boy cut through our backyard last weekend and when DH told him that he's asked to many times the boy answered "Sorry dude."

Both sets of kids walked repeatedly through our backyard after we had it re-seeded. We spent close to $600 in seed, labor and water for the re-seed.

Tonight I yelled at them for playing in our wood pile at the end of our property and he mumbled something about getting his back that magically rolled 200+ feet from their drive to the back of my property, up-frickin-hill.

We've talked to both sets of parts 3-4 times now. And if it was just getting a ball that would be different, but they frickin' cut through and play in our yard.

Are we the "jerk" neighbors because we want people to respect that our backyard is ours? And not a cut through to the main road, or to play at another kids house?

We are setting up estimates with three fence builders within the next week or so.

Note to self

2008-04-25T19:22:00.001-07:00

Killing a moth with a fly swatter within 3 feet of the glass break on your security system sets it off......opppppps!

This doesn't last forever right?

2008-04-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

I'm a little frustrated so you might see that in this post. No love lost for the boy but could use a vent and maybe some parentle suggestions.

Oz has a new trick, well in general I've noticed his sleep patterns seems to be getting worse and worse. I know he's going through a lot of changes right now and with every milestone he reaches it affect him but this new trick is driving me a bit batty. Oz has decided that its fun to wake around 4 am every day now and play, alternated with little snoozes. Supposedly teething babies do the wake up early thing, or ones going through a growth spurt - either way it sucks. I've been ignoring the play like everyone has said to do and only go to him if he's crying or fussing. But after two weeks of this, I am dog tired. I hear him playing and don't get any good sleep from 4am on.

Some folks have already mentioned turning off the baby monitor, but honestly I don't have the guts to do it. I know we both sleep hard, that's one reason why we chose not to co-sleep - it was a safety issue for us. So I'm afraid that by turning off the monitor I won't hear the play, but I might not hear the cry for me to come and take care of him either.

So basically Oz went from sleeping through the night around 9 weeks to now at 9 months requiring a dream feed at 10pm and wakes up to play at 4am. It he's cutting more teeth I really wish nature would hurry up and cut them already.

And we want a second baby soon? Oh my I believe I have left my mind back in crazytown.

Gotta love mobility

2008-04-10T19:12:00.000-07:00

So I'm downstairs using the restroom. The door is open in case Oz wants to come see me. I hear him crawling around and playing. He's at the fridge playing with the farm animal musical thing we got him. So all is well and I continue doing my personal business.

I get out of the restroom and see that Oz has pulled himself up to a standing position over the dog's feeding station. One hand is stablizing himself, while the other? He's playing in the dog's water dish. He smiled at me so proud and started to laugh as he splashed water onto the wall. I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling and laughing while telling him "NO" and finding something else for him to do.

Ever....

2008-04-08T08:16:00.001-07:00

Felt your age?

Last night I truly felt my age. I was sick over St Patty's day with a sinus infection and um last Friday I went back to the doc to find out I had another one. I probably didn't kick the first one, so I got a more serious antibiotic this time round.

So I'm nursing a sinus infection, have the runs thanks to antibiotics, girl issues thanks to the antibiotics and ended up being unable to sleep for 3 hours because I got a back spasm after sitting funny on the couch where even a left over Loratab wouldn't work.

*giggle* I feel old *giggle*

Wiskey Tango Hotel

2008-04-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

I'm sick again and Oz is close to being sick...well he had a small temp tonight but no other symptoms. We've both been sneezing and today due to post nasal drip I've been coughing a lot and have throat irritation. Oz seems to have no other symptoms other than a occasional sneeze and this temp tonight. Basically the only thing I noticed he was warm so I took his temp and found it to be a little high. I'm not sure if this is the crazy weather or if the two of us keep giving the same germs back and forth.

I'm not sure how to stop it if we are passing it back and forth to each other. I wash my hands often. I do it after each diaper change, changing his clothes, before handling his food, his bottles etc. I cover my mouth when I cough or look away if my hands are full. I even try to cough into my elbow to try and keep from spreading germs if I can't cover my mouth. So if you have suggestions of something I need to be doing but aren't or something I'm missing on keeping from passing it on let me know.

If this is just the weather, then I guess spring needs to get its act together and allow us keep from re-catching this little irritating cold. Because it seems that if I don't get rid of it right away I get a sinus infection and I'm trying desperately to keep Oz from getting his second ear infection.

Bad mommy, bad bad mommy

2008-04-02T17:17:00.000-07:00

Oz continues to advance developmentally which is great. He's now pulling himself up on EVERYTHING. This of course includes the inside of the crib. Today I came to get him and found him leaning over the crib with his arms up on the lip and was just a grinnin' at me so blasted proud of himself.

So when we got home tonight I fed him dinner and we went up stairs to lower the mattress. It required tools so I had to confine him in his exersaucer while I ran into the garage. Back up stairs we went and the fun begins. I had a nice series of toys for him but of course curious george wants to help. I pull out the mattress, take off the bed skirt and tip the crib on its side. The entire time I am unscrewing wingnuts and and pulling out bolts Oz is crawling all over my legs and pulling himself up my back using my pants, shirt and buttcrack. I last with that for about 5 minutes at a time before I put him back at his toys and tell him to be careful. We are going on now with this back and forth crap for about 30 minutes with him starting to get irritated and of course extremely tired.

Again, I move him away from the crib and put the crib back down in the normal position. Oz is now sitting in the middle of the room, totally pissed off and is just crying crocodile tears. I pick him up snuggle him a bit and then place him back down. I pick up the bed skirt and start to tuck it in. Just as I get to the backside of the crib the skirt moves a good 6 inches - because Oz has reached up snagged it and shoved it in his mouth. So I have to pull it back into place and do the fastest tuck in possible before he can get a hold of it again. I throw the mattress back in and grab the bumper. Now Oz wants me to just pick him up and hold him (because he's tired and its past his bedtime). I can't do that yet because I have to tie the dang bumper back on. Oz starts crawling around the crib following me, crying crocodile tears again while I tie the bumper back on, still attempting to crawl up my back using my buttcrack as a foothold.

Finally I have the crib back together put Oz in it and push it back into place. He's looking around his new lower digs and goes for the aquarium thing. Instead of just sitting up and pressing the button he grabs the top of it and pulls himself up to his knees and then lets go. Of course he fell backwards onto the mattress. That look on his face made me feel bad for him. He was so freaked out, he cried for a second until I told him "you aren't hurt it just scared you." Then I reached out and pat his leg and he stopped his tears.

I put his PJs on and take him down stairs for a bottle. Its almost and hour past his bedtime and he's so tired, really irritated and ready for meemees. I feed the little man, wrapped him up in his little burrito and plopped his adorable little butt into the crib. He fell asleep almost instantly, especially since we had snuggled in the glider just before putting him down.

You have no idea just how tired I am from doing that one chore with this little man chasing me about. I have total respect for single parents who deal with what I just dealt with on a daily basis. Now I need a nap before his dreamfeed and my bedtime.

Oz's new trick

2008-03-28T18:07:00.000-07:00

I just learned how to upload to Youtube so if I don't do this right you'll survive!

Also please ignore the high pitched voice, goofy commentary and loud PJ's.

Caught in the act

2008-03-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

The husband went into the kitchen area to grab a drink and came back to find Oz chewing on the sock he pulled off his foot.

He was so annoyed with me, I just kept laughing and taking pictures. Since he can only go backwards at the moment he was um stuck.

One of the best parts about owning your own home...

2008-03-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

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Being able to paint the bathroom in your underwear.

That feeling

2008-03-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

Last night while doing a dream feed to help Oz sleep through the night (its working thank heavens), I got that feeling. You know the one where you just are so happy that you could burst, that your your heart is so big that it could tear through your chest. I just love these night feeds because when I place him over my shoulder to burp him, I feel these little hands grab my neckline and the sleeve of my shirt. He nestles his little head on my shoulder until he finds his comfy spot and proceeds to fall back to sleep. Him snuggling with me like that just makes me cry every frickin' time. And although I know its crappy sleep for him I have a hard time putting him down in his crib and want to just fall alseep in the glider snuggling with him.

So this intense emotion while I was rocking him a bit got me to thinking, why did I only start to get these intense feelings a few months ago (About the 3 month mark)? Why is it that some ladies I know had that intense feeling within days of having her son yet with me it took a few months? I love my son and am so happy he's here, but those "I just look at him and cry" feelings didn't surface until a couple of months after his birth. I wonder though if there is truth in the statement that some women don't bond as quickly with their child if they've had a c-section. Some state its that a vaginal birth aids in the release of certain chemicals in the brain that the section mom isnt privy to.

I mean I know I am a total bear when I don't get enough sleep and the first 6 weeks while recovering from the section proved that I am an ugly person when sleep deprived. If we are blessed with a second child, I am going to beg for help those first 6 weeks so I don't ever get that ugly again. So could the lack of a vaginal birth and serious sleep depervation have caused a slower bond? Or make it take longer for me to gain that sense of never wanting to let my little guy go?

What ever the case may be I am damn glad he is my son and wouldn't trade him for the world. But I do feel a little guilty that those super intense feelings took longer to surface than good old fashioned love for my son. Not too guilty mind you because I just could snuggle like that more than I worry about how long it took me to get there in the first place.

JT is a Baaaad influence

2008-02-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

So ummm last week I was a moron and got a speeding ticket on post. I had just dropped of Oz with Barb and was heading to my office. I was listening to Justin Timberlake, shaking my money maker and apparently hit the gas a weee bit much - like 38 in a 25 too much. And to make things worse, I didn't realize he was pulling ME over and was trying to clear the intersection for him. When I finally figured it out, I felt like such an idiot. I apologized of course, because I wasn't doing it on purpose. There's a number to call on the back to set up traffic school. Gosh I really can't remember the last time I had a ticket but it was sometime my freshman year of college.

On a side note but a really good one - Oz has been off Zantac for almost 2 weeks. Yippee!

He's got a....

2008-02-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

TOOFER!

Oz did his normal grab mom's finger and shove in mouth today, so I started rubbing his gums while he knawed on me. Then I ran across it, this little jaggedy, bumpy thing that at first I thought was the ridgeline of his gum. After a few more passes, I went and got the flashlight. Not only did I see the first toofer, but right next to it, just about to break the surface I see a second one.

No wonder the boy's been such a total grouch monster! But he's getting so big too! *sigh*

Half a year!

2008-01-29T19:15:00.000-08:00

Oz turned half a year last Saturday! He's almost totally sitting up by himself. He just needs a little help when he topples over. He's also getting one leg under himself and into crawl position! Looks like baby gates on the stairs are soon to be in order!

Aww man!

2008-01-22T10:41:00.000-08:00

I'm sick again! I went to the doc this morning, I don't think I have an infection and neither did the doc. Although I do have fluid in both my ears, because I'm not running a fever and my mucus is clear I would agree with her on the no infection. I am right on the edge though that if I don't get this cleared up it will become one.

That's the poopy part - I took all the drugs she gave me and I still can't breath through my nose. Also the Afrin she just gave me a horrid headache instead of clearing my passages. Hopefully the Afrin will work eventually, at least this is better than when I lived with my parents - they both smoked at the time and I would get sinusitus each and every time. If it turns into an infection we will take care of it, it just sucks right now....

And I feel poopy!

The anal retentive unprepared?

2008-01-16T19:22:00.000-08:00

Sadly, after a long discussion the other night the answer to that is yes. We are moving forward planning, arranging and doing what we need to for the upcoming deployment. We've always, always had plans A-D and maybe one or two more. Its totally anal of us and Cole loves to rib me on it but that's how we get things done.

So for the previous deployment we set up wills, living wills, insurance, IRAs all that to go where it should. Everything else was set up and ready to go and I went about my business Patiently Waiting. We updated the wills now that Oz is here and asked my brother to become his guardian should we both not be here and he needs a parent. We truly thought we were prepared. But what we didn't think about is what happens if he's deployed and something happens to me - that was a rude awakening.

Without a few power of attorneys Oz would end up in foster care. Yeah in foster care. There's a POA called a Springing POA that would all Oz to stay with a trusted neighbor of our choice until his guardian can come and get him if I become incapacitated. Without it, the boy goes into foster care. Who knows how in the hell that will work with trying to get him out of it and into the care of my brother. I truly think that if Oz was at Barb's she'd call my neighbor who's on my list as a local emergency anyways first and not just hand him off to social services - but still I don't want him in foster care.

The second thing we need is a Guardian POA. Again we had that covered should be both be gone but not during a deployment. Without it Oz can't go with anyone else short of his father and again would be placed in foster care until my or his family could petition the court.

Lastly we need the Medical POA. This will allow Crazy Uncle to seek out medical care and have Tricare pay for it instead of him shelling it out himself.

We also realized that we needed to move all of the insurance documents into the fire proof box and get a bigger one. The fire proof box key needs to go to Crazy Uncle as well as its location so he can find it. We also put in the box the card to our current Financial Advisor so they can call him in the event that they need to clear things up for the estate. I would hate for crap to sit in probate or limbo because Crazy Uncle doesn't know where our stuff is that is supposed to be going to Oz.

So we weren't totally prepared and the thought of foster care made me nearly pee my pants. We have a small list of things that we need to fix to include those POAs before the hubby goes. I don't want to leave Oz in a bad place meaning stuck somewhere because we didn't think of filling out paperwork.

Definately not Californian

2008-01-13T18:55:00.000-08:00

My house that is. We love our home, the layout, the location and the neighborhood. We saw some really weird assed layouts while looking. In fact the oddest one was where you walk into the pantry and to your right was a toilet. Yep, a toilet open in the pantry with the shelves of food to the left. What was worse was that there was a window above the toilet. So whomever was walking in the backyard could look in while a guy stood to pee. Oh lets not forget that there's a toilet next to the open food shelves! BARF!

Anyways, one thing we noticed about this house is that it definitely wouldn't pass CA code. There are no low flow shower heads or toilets. There is a giant garden tub which requires an 80 gallon water heater and I think they used the minimum insulation required in this state. With winter here we just started to notice these things. Maybe we should have thought about the water heater when we were looking but we didn't. We just liked the layout so much and the fact that the neighborhood was complete so no more construction noise, dust and dirt.

I like my garden tub so to be more efficient we went looking for an 80 gallon WH blanket. Lowes & Home Depot only carry a 60, so we had to google until we found one. We also wrapped the pipes leading into the home for the least amount of heat loss.

I also noticed that any electrical outlet that is on an exterior wall has cold air coming in it. That's mostly because they went light on the insulation. That's a home repair that I will do when the man deploys. Its pretty easy, just go to Lowes and in the electrical section there are these little foamy, rubbery things that go under the face plate over the box to stop the draft from coming in. I think I have about 20 of them and a few light switches too.

Oh and there's nothing like having a hairy, fluffy dog to help you figure out where the drafts are in your home - the front door, the sliding glass door & the vent less fireplace. Since she's usually warm she sleeps in front of the drafts to keep cool. I am going to wait until summer when my parents come out for Oz's first birthday but my Dad's going to help me pull the front door off the hinges and replace the weather stripping at the base of the door. He's also going to help me pull the molding off of the sliding glass door, squirt in that foam insulation stuff and replace the molding. From feeling around, apparently we also need to do that for the garden tub. Its over the garage (our bathroom) so I assume with all that open space of the garage the garden tub seems to let a little draft in too. The only place I am not sure how to fix is the vent less fireplace. I wouldn't want to squirt the foam insulation and have the crap catch on fire later. Any suggestions on that fix would be good.

I am also going to paint, one room a month. Sounds silly but with a little one on the verge of being mobile that's about right. I need to paint this place with a washable paint. The kitchen and master bath I plan on painting a sage colour, our bedroom the pale blue we used in Leavenworth and the rest of the place the neutral sand colour. The bathrooms really need the paint soon to keep away the mold and mildew that can grow on a flat paint. So once I pick the paint, I will start the bathrooms first.

Here's a hint, when you buy upgrades in a new home, get better padding not carpet, upgrade to a washable paint and if they offer a heavier insulation go for it! Other than that, just enjoy the home, we love ours just need to make it a little more Californian. (And how many people thought CA was just weird? Their homes are much more efficient than TN.)

Thanks

2008-01-08T18:50:00.001-08:00

Thank you all for the insight, comments and ideas. I know the spit up will be around for a while, but when Oz first started, not only did the pain go away (he quit arching his back and screaming about 10 minutes into feedings) but the projectile vomiting stopped too. It could just be a fluke that the projectile vomiting stop but I think the meds may have helped a bit too.

I've been told by a friend that for months 5-7 the spit ups get worse then improve (unless there's a long term issue). We are back on solids here a bit and that does seem to be helping with the spit up. Although the spit up now sometimes contains orage colouing thanks to the sweet potatoes, carrots & squash. *giggle*

Yes we are minions to the evil BLUE clinic. I tried to make Oz's 6 month well baby and since I refuse to use the well baby clinic after me wanting to nail the doc's foot to the floor so I could ask her my questions (she was running late or in a hurry or whatever) I am on the wait list for the blue clinic. I asked why I couldn't go to another clinic for it and was gentlely and teasingly told "oh the good old days." I don't think the appt clerk was thrilled either - no sense in beating her up since it wasn't her doing.

I'm working to get an off post doc. I found one, unfortunately she's not board certified though. She's been praciticing for 20 years and was recommended by the cmdr's wife (she takes her kids there). Her dad was an interist in the area for many years and he recommended this Peds Doc. Right now she's full, but I will keep checking in about twice a month. I will also do a quick interview and find out why she's not board certified. Again my friend (the puke gets worse then better one) mentioned that there could be various reasons for not being board certifiied that have nothing to do with the thought that she can't be certified for doing something seriously naughty.

Anyways, Oz's face is much better and his body spots are just about gone. I figured out that I can use Aquaphor, just not on his face. It seems to irritate his face. I just use the Aveeno on his face instead and the Aquaphor everywhere else. His is a little bumpy still, but his legs and arms are just about completely cleared up. Wooohoo!

Milestone & BLACKMAIL

2008-01-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

He's been trying to sit up on his own since the 30th. We keep practicing and practicing! He just hasn't quite figured out that his arms are still holding him up so when he tries to grab something he falls over. *giggle*

Flying Nun anyone?

Just a little blackmail. And a little something to show ya'll that after a few days of extra, extra moisturizing his face is looking great! He still has it on the back of his leg and his elbows. I'll ask the Peds doc on Tuesday what to use.

Oh and we will probably go and get some cetaphil. Thanks for the advice!

Sigh

2008-01-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

Here's my ICE complaint -

My 5 month old son had an appt with Dr M at the Blue Clinic on 4Jan08. I wanted to speak to someone about adjusting the dosage of my son’s Zantac because his spitup has increased significantly to include several instances of projectile vomiting. Apparently Dr M doesn’t believe in giving a child Zantac and told me to switch his formula to something like Neutraginamin. I attempted to explain that without the Zantac my child stops eating mid-feed, arches his back and cries out in pain. Dr M just continued telling me about changing the formula for my son. He had no intention of listening to anything I had to say. There are several books and articles that ALL state that if the child shows signs of pain while eating such as arching the back, stopping eating and crying out then medical treatment is necessary. It has also been mentioned that not all babies with reflux that need medical intervention fail to gain weight. Often they continue to feed and over feed because the formula acts as a buffer keeping the stomach acid away from the windpipe.

I calmly told him I wasn’t going to switch formulas, his formula is just fine. At that point he asked if I wanted to see someone else. I again tried to explain that he is in pain, cries, arches his back and stops eating without the meds and he told me I needed to make an appt with the Peds doctor for the Blue Clinic and started to walk out. He then called down the hall to the nurse and said “I can’t help them can you make an appointment with Dr K.” I still needed assistance even if we didn’t agree on how to treat reflux on the rash that’s covering 40% of my son’s body. My son wasn’t even seen for that and the man left me standing in the hall with my son in a diaper and a blanket. I felt his manner was very unprofessional. I may not agree with how my clients want to do things, but I don’t walk out on them and don’t even see if there’s something else that needs to be done that day. I’m also capable of listening to my clients and hearing what they have to say. I am insulted that he had no intention of even hearing me out. I did my research on reflux and my son has been doing quite well on his meds until recently which is why I came in asking for a review of his dosage. But apparently since I did not attend medical school I am incapable of being informed or having valid information about a medical condition.

Weather or Allergy?

2008-01-03T18:06:00.000-08:00

Check out these photos (clickable links)

This was on the 30th, he looked normal with only a few speckles from him constantly rubbing his bib on his face. (he likes to do that, he's playing peekaboo I think)

He's a big ball of eczema - oh joy! Or something - suggestions are welcome

His clothes are washed in Dreft, no dryer sheets since birth.

Since he was a month old we used Aveeno Baby Creamy Wash for dry skin & eczema. As well as Aveeno Creamy lotion for dry skin & eczema.

For a month he's had rice cereal with no reaction.

For about two weeks he's had sweet potatoes with no reaction.

About 5-7 days ago we started squash with no apparent reaction.

About 3 days ago we started carrots.

Monday the spot behind his knee was red again and he had the spots on his arms.

Wednesday night he had spots on his face, forehead, arms, chest and behind both knees. Wednesday night we tried Aveeno Creamy on his chest, Aquaphor butt ointment on his arms & cheeks and the calendula on the backs of his knees. I skipped the Eucerin to try and start cutting out "new" things.

And the photos are from today. We keep his nails pretty trimmed, but I went ahead and clipped them as tight as I could tonight after dinner when he "passed" out. We also gave him an oatmeal bath in luke warm water, patted him dry and slathered him in the lotion we know doesn't cause a reaction - the Aveeno. We also did not feed him any solid food tonight either. He's been out of daycare since the 20th - he's just been with DH during the day. Oh and we dressed him in cotton pants and onsie today and changed him to a cotton sleeper tonight. We also are running a humidifier from 6pm until I go to bed at 9:30 (dont forget we shut his door mostly to keep noise down so we wont run it all night)

We hit the doc tomorrow, hopefully along with the bath and such we can get this fixed.

I will try solids again later, poor guy he wants a frickin' burrito the way he looks at the food we eat and the food in his bowl when we get ready to feed him. He's gonna be mad about not getting any for a week.

Opppsala!

2007-12-30T17:21:00.000-08:00

I was 30 lbs overweight when I got preggo with Oz. My doc and I set out a reasonable weight gain of 25-30 lbs. I was really good about what I ate, I can count how many sodas I had on one hand and luckily pregnancy killed my desire for sweets!

I gained 26 lbs the whole pregnancy which was awesome. What was even more killer was that at 7 weeks post birth I had lost it all and was at my pregnancy weight. I was so excited over that, things were still a little smooshy in places they didn't used to be but I had lost all the weight at least. When I stopped pumping breastmilk (my body stopped producing), I gained about 5 lbs back but remained steady. It was managable so I didn't worry much abou it.

Then I started work and things didn't go so good. Since I've started back I went up to 19 lbs over my pre pregnancy weight. Sadly it was probably pretty much all my fault. I was so happy to be able to have coffee again I started going to Starbucks every day. That was a Baaaaaaad idea! So to help myself out from my weight gaining addiction I set a few rules for myself:

1. The first words out of my mouth will always be - Tall, Nonfat, No Whip (unless its juice blend drink)

2. Coffee mornings will be 3 days or less a week

3. No more ordering their pound cakes for breakfast, make oatmeal insated

I started these small changes about 2 weeks ago and so far I've lost 2.5 lbs. Thank heavens!

I love me some Starbucks but now just in moderation. :-)

My Christmas Eve gift

2007-12-24T12:16:00.000-08:00

I've been given a cold by either my son or my husband, but that's not my Christmas Eve gift. My nose is stuffy, I have a cough and I am living on Dayquil. I'd prefer to not be sick on Christmas, but you can't control a cold.

In the midst of all this runny nose, tissues and empty Dayquil packages I got pretty cool present at 03:58 this morning. Oz is still waking for a 3-5 am bottle. I still try the diaper change first, but I haven't had any luck as of yet at just putting him back to sleep after putting a fresh nappy on. Groggy, stuffy and a little grumpy I wandered into Oz's room to change him, re-swaddle him and then take him down for his nummies. Leaning over the crib what do I see? My little man sleeping on his tummy. He'd totally broken out of his swaddle (it was around his waist), and was rustling about on his tummy. At his 4 month well baby I had to flick the young doc on her ear for missing that Oz hadn't rolled over yet and he's 5 months in 2 days (she hadn't even read his chart, I had to ask about it). So it was a great pleasure to see that in the darkness of night he's figured out how to roll over from back to tummy. I think he was rustling about because he was stuck and couldn't get off his tummy.

Regardless of why he rustled, I was given a pretty cool gift this Christmas Eve - my son rolled over. Merry Christmas to you all, be good and love one another.

Orange

2007-12-21T15:45:00.000-08:00

Sweet Potatoes are orange! Oz has successfully eaten 2 jars of sweet potatoes over the last 4 days. I think one jar is like a full meal but I've fed half as a way to introduce to Oz that some things taste MUCH better than nasty old rice cereal. He likes it and will open his mouth and lean towards the spoon. So sweet potatoes are a hit! I'm sticking with the sweetpotatoes for 2 weeks and will then try squash next. It's so cute watching him eat. And yes I have pictures that I need to upload.

CVG - I've always spelt colour, favourite, flavour and theatre that way since I was a kid. I probably read the spelling in a book I was reading and adopted it. I don't even know I'm doing it until someone points it out.

Will you just...

2007-12-19T17:59:00.000-08:00

SHUT THE EFF' UP AND COLOUR?

My job is human resources.

Your job is administration.

You think you are a research genius and pull halfbaked, totally WRONG CRAP from the dredges of Google. Witholding information is your favourite pastime as well as cc'ing God and Country on your emails. Do I really care if you cc'd the Deputy Commander? Ohhh shake in my boots he's an LTC. SFW? You waste his time with piddlely-shit emails of crap you are supposed to be resolving on your own (with me your servicing Advisor). What effin' ever.

You want to play pissing contest? Be my guest, but you do it alone. I don't have time as I am trying to recruit for your damn vacancies. But pissing in cherrios is what you focus on, to hell with the applicants and employees you hurt/hinder in the process.

Please just shut the eff up and colour, let me do my job. I'm sure your Deputy Commander will be quite happy at the job I could do if you weren't standing there trying to trip me as I walk by.

Better yet please go to hell in your own damn basket because I've had just about enough of you.

Busy Bee

2007-12-18T17:59:00.000-08:00

In true blogger fashion I lost my post....grrrr

I've been slacking on blogging but would much rather spend the time with Oz and then after he's in bed frantically clean something so that the house isn't constantly dirty.

Another deployment is coming and we are preparing. We've been updating our life insurance, IRA payouts, wills and spoke to my brother about becoming Oz's guardiand should anything ever happen. I know it sounds a little morbid, but you have to look ahead and take of your child. I'd hate to leave it all up to some frickin' probate court on the welfare of a minor child - MY minor child to boot.

On to lighter topics - I am truly amazed at the seemingly overnight changes Oz has made. He's went from the quiet, observer to the squaking, grab, yank and shove in his mouth anything that croses his path do-er. He even tells you off after staring at his bottle in the bottle warmer if you aren't moving fast enough according to him. He grabs toys now, swtiches hands, shoves them in his mouth and purposely drops them on the floor for you to go and get them.

We tried some rice cereal a couple of weeks ago because he seems to always be so hungry but it didn't go so well. The first try we waited until he was too hungry and got a very angry baby who wanted his frickin' bottle not some damnable spoon! The second try proved he wasn't ready because his tongue thrust was too strong. So we waited a couple of weeks and tried again last weekend. It went much better, but I don't think he likes rice cereal unless its spiked in his bottle. He'd take the spoon in his mouth and as the cereal hit his tongue he made this quasi cry face but would smile instantly if I smiled. I'm thinking either he hated the taste or the texture. So since he's lost the tongue thrust we will move on to sweet potatoes and see which it was (taste or texture).

Yesterday was his first day in an exersaucer at Barb's. He loved it. I got there and he looked up at me, smiled and then spun around to another portion of the toy and started pushing buttons. Grandma and Grandpa have a similar exersaucer on the way as a Christmas gift. We really didn't get too much since he has a decent amount of toys already.

We think since he's just starting to get into toys that what we got was plenty and have decided to spend a little extra cash on two Angel Tree Kids on post. We've always gotten a boy and a girl and just enjoy knowing that someone in the military community is getting a little something when we've got the means to give.

So there's an update and its not just pictures. Hopefully I can post a little more regularly, I'll try my best.

19 Weeks

2007-12-10T19:04:00.000-08:00

He's getting so big, I can't believe he's almost 5 months.

He's found faces, I cried last week the first time he grabbed my chin after he finished a feeding.

I love this onsie and yesterday's warm weather allowed him to wear it! Arrrgggghhh PIRATES!

He's really started to show interest in toys. Blue puppy is his favourite! This was after dinner Saturday night. He sat in my lap for most of dinner, but I spent most of my dinner moving the plate, the fork, the napkin and drink napkin with my coke on it. He managed to grab an asparagus stock before I noticed. *Giggle*

Kermits having a bad day

2007-11-30T20:09:00.000-08:00

Ever have just one of those days?

*GIGGLE*

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T19:15:00.000-08:00

Mommy, mommy guess what I made at Day care today?

This really cool turkey, antler hat!

It's pretty cool isn't it?

Uhhh Mommy? Where'd you go?

Happy Thanksgiving folks! Love one another.

Project Valor IT

2007-11-19T19:56:00.000-08:00

***ETA - Looks like I missed the annual friendly competition this year. BUT PLEASE donate just a little anyways!***

This is one charity that I love to try and do something for every year. I've been so wrapped up in Oz that I almost missed it this year. Please donate to Project Valor IT. It is a worthy cause that provides voice activated laptops for injured service members. Awesome cause, please if you can donate!

Keeping up with the Jones

2007-11-17T19:53:00.000-08:00

I know better than to compare Oz to others and for the most part I don't. I am of course a total worry wort and am wondering a few things. He's mostly on par for developmental things he should be doing at this and that age, but he's a little slower on others and I think I could or should be doing more to help out.

Tummy time - Oz hates it, period. He doesn't last more than 5 minutes before pitching a total fit while lying on his tummy. I still put him on his tummy anyways until he pitches that fit, but I noticed because he doesn't get a ton of tummy time he doesn't push up on his arms when he is on his tummy. He pretty much turns his head to the side and squaks at you for putting him there. I know tummy time helps with head stabilization. What other things I can do for him besides tummy time to help him work on holding his head up? Oh and if he still hates tummy time and doesn't push up with his arms will he not learn to crawl?

Rolling over - Does swaddling hinder this new baby trick? He still LOVES being swaddled. He smiles, yawns and coo's as soon as he's on the ground on top of the swaddle blanket. Not more than 1 minute after wrapping him he snuggles in your arms and falls asleep. So I really don't want to stop swaddling him but can it keep him from learning to roll over? Or slow that down?

He's still weird about his toys. He loves fabric things but not plastic ones. Stuffed toys, his clothes, his bib and my hair are his favourite things to grab, but plastic toys he will take for a moment and then let them go. Do I care or is this just a preference of his?

He is very articulate though. He has a large vocabulary of sounds and talks to me often. He looks in the direction you are talking if you aren't in his line of sight (He doesn't turn when you call him by name though and we all constantly use his name in just about every sentence). Also when sitting in his bouncey chair he leans forward like he's trying to sit up on his own. He also loves to be facing out when you hold him so he can look at things.

So he's getting there on some things but I am hoping there is more I can do to help him improve on those things he's not so good at yet.

Please remember

2007-11-11T08:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sick as a dog, staying away from the baby so I don't give it to him and have to travel next week. But I ask of you to do one thing today, please remember the Veteran. Take a moment to say thank you, hold open the door or just give a smile to someone who has served this nation. Small gestures aren't small as long as they aren't forgotten.

Cheese and the little stinker

2007-10-30T17:30:00.000-07:00

I'm going to complain so if you only want to read about kittens and rainbows, I'd go down about 3 paragraphs or better yet just go away all together...

Anyways I went reading to find out if Oz is having nightmares and what I could do about it. Since about 6 weeks (which was WEEKS before going back to work mind you), I noticed Oz was an active sleeper. He would wiggle, kick, toss his head, laugh, cry, smile and frown. He also travels from one side of the crib to the other by the morning, as well as turn himself in a 180. He does all this without ever waking up.

After reading a bit I found that he's having night terrors which aren't always scary which is why I don't get the name. Night terrors are a state of quasi-wakefulness but not really being awake. The good news is that with nightmares the child remembers what was happening. With night terrors its like sleep walking and they don't remember. What's poopy is that in order to not prolong the night terror they recommend you not picking up and holding the child because it can create a nightmare situation and leave the child feeling trapped, restrained or constricted. Instead it was suggested you turn on the light and speak to your child, while patting or stroking their arm, leg or tummy.

My comoplaint is that he's a great sleeper until about 3am. This is when he either wakes because he's hungry or he wakes me with laughter, cooing or a squak. I wake at 5:30am to get ready for work. Since it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall back asleep you can see where my complaint is - he's got bad timing. I know its not his fault - if he's hungry he gets a midnight snack, if he's tossing and turning he gets gentle pats and comforting words. I'm just right on the edge of getting enough sleep at night to feel rested the next day. Sadly I'm just one of those people that need 8 hours of sleep to be at my best. So the 3 am wake ups are keeping me right on the edge of grumpy. There's the cheese to my WHINE.

On to the little stinker. Barb calls me today at 10:30 letting me know that Oz isn't himself today and has been crying for the last two hours. She tried it all - changing him, feeding, burping, the swing (her's doesnt make him puke), holding, rocking, checked him over to see if my hair had gotten wrapped around his toes or something cutting off the bloodflow - nothing seemed to be working. She also said he was spitting up a lot when he hadn't spit up the entire time he's been in her care. She also mentioned that he was stuffed up, seemed to be sucking air more to breath while eating and thought that his breathing was raspy. Of course I called the clinic and got him an appt.

When I got there Barb's mom had just fed him and he was dozing on her chest. He had went through 3 onesies, 5 burp clothes, 1 hoodie before I got there by spitting up all over them. I put another hoodie on him and as I was strapping him into his carseat, he looks at me and smiles. While waiting in the waiting room at the clinic he was smiling, laughing and cooing at me. While meeting with the doctor he was all smiles, laughs and giggles with the doc. Other than a stuffy nose he was as healthy as a horse.

The doc played with him for a bit while I was scolded for feeding him too much. I told him what the AAP had said about the 2-3 oz per lbs of baby and then split that total over the 6 feedings a day. He frowned, probably did the math in his head and said that he was taught it was 2oz right out of the hospital and then add an ounce for each month milestone he hit. So that put Oz at 5oz by his calcuations and we are offering 6oz by mine. Oz doesn't always eat the whole thing so the doc stopped scolding me and just asked that I keep an eye out with the reflux that we don't over feed too much in one sitting. That I totally understand and we will keep an eye out to make sure he's not spitting up a ton.

So I take my laughing Buddha boy back from the doc and start getting ready to go back to Barb's place. He's flirting with the nurses and anyone else he can smile and hide his face at. I call Barb let him know he's okay and that I am bringing him back. I put him in the car, start it because of the warm day and by the time I put the stroller in the trunk and got in the car he was racked out. We get back to Barb's and he's flirting with both of them and laughing too. His crying fit was apparently because he was TIRED. Unfortunately overtired enough that he was fighting sleep instead of giving in. He woke for 5 minutes said goodbye to me and then went right back to sleep. They swaddled him up and he slept for 2 hours.

So my little stinker freaked us all out for a nap. When I picked him up he was sitting in the bouncey seat flirting and playing peek-a-boo with Barb. The poor little stinker just needed a nap. I love my boy, he cracks me up!

Quarter of a year

2007-10-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

Oz is offically a quarter of a year old! Such a big boy!

First Week

2007-10-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

I've been hesitent to even blog about this because I so don't want to hear the negative crap from last time. But anyways, I spent my first week at work. I enjoyed being back at helping customers it was nice. If I could have a perfect world I would much rather work part time. I may even speak about that to my supervisor to maybe try 30-35 hours a week just to give me more time with Oz.

I cried like I thought I would when I dropped Oz off the first morning. It was hard to do. What was my blessing though was picking him up at the end of the day and when Barb asked him "who's that" he smiled the largest smile I've ever seen and he laughed. That totally made my day. I do like the home environment that Barb provides. It may not be my home exactly and yes I know they won't treat him exactly like I do but the quality of care is great and what I expect. And I am pretty darn anal retentive so I've got high expectations.

On top of this new experience for both of us I was also having my period. This is so TMI for poor Aaron my only male reader but its actually a concern for me. My emotions have been pretty stable my whole life as far as PMS goes even with the endo. Now post pregnancy I've noticed that I swing emotionally pretty radically. I've caught myself getting ready to lose patients on my husband for really dumb reasons and stop myself and that's not normal. Anyone with endo after having a little one notice a change in their PMS symptoms?

We are going to dress Oz up here shortly for Halloween and take his photos. He's a little chicken and should be the most adorable little chicken in the universe (yes I am biased).

Busy, busy, busy - but here's some eye candy

2007-10-17T18:16:00.001-07:00

9 Weeks

9 Weeks

11 Weeks

11 Weeks

Playtime - loves the lights (and ummm the TV - yikes)

Sleepy baby boy

Feeties are soo cute!

Pudgey hands are too!

Some things don't mix

2007-10-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

I was trying to be creative and help out Oz. The doctor approved apple juice for his constipation kinda messes up his eating. It lubricated his colon and softens his stool but it doesn't do much for making him feel full, but does take up space in his tummy so he can't eat a full meal. I try and stick it in, inbetween meals but that doesn't always work well and he either doesn't eat enough formula or eats it all and upchucks.

So while talking to his cousin's mom I thought it would be a good idea to put the juice in the bottle in place of some water. It mixed well and looked like it would be a good solution. I was so wrong! While grabbing a bottle this morning to feed Oz - I saw it. It was the grossest looking mess. The juice, water and formula had seperated and looked like a bizarre B52 shot from my college days. Needless to say you know I threw it out - blech!

So boys and girls applie juice and formula don't mix - lesson learned.

Dear Oz

2007-10-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

Good job liitle man! This mornings 4 am gnosh fest was much better. Playtime is for the day, midnight snacks are for the half asleep. Good job on going back to sleep quickly after a good burp & a rock or two.

Love you lots!

Mommy

So much to blog so little time....

2007-10-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

Rachel here's what we did for Oz and Bella.

My dog has always been pretty motherly. While in Germany she pestered the grandparents of a child of our friends every time he made a single noise, going back and forth from the baby carrier to the grandparent until they told her it was okay.

From about the 4 month mark we talked to the dog about the baby. "The baby's coming Bella, will you watch the baby for us?" We used the same word for Oz over and over - The Baby. That way she associates The Baby with Oz. Less confusing that the 5 millions names we call our little one (Like LBG - Little Bald Guy).

When he was born after about two days of wear, DH took the hat he wore and let the dog smell it. He said this is from the baby and talked about the baby while she smelled it. When we came home from the hospital, we had a supervised visit. She smelled the baby, licked him and tried to bowl me over in an effort to get pets. Guess she didn't know I had a c-section either. *giggle*

We make sure that every day the dog gets 10 minutes or so of attention from each of us that does not involve the baby. She is always invited up on the couch (we allow that in our house) while feeding the baby. I've also left Oz in the middle of my bed (he doesn't roll yet that will stop as soon as he can) and told her to watch the baby. She jumps up on the bed and sits right next to him until I come back - I was using the little girls room.

She does feel a little neglected because we can't always play right when she brings a toy to us. We try and bring that toy back out after Oz goes to bed, or take the family for a walk. Basically try and keep her involved and feeling like she's part of the family. Of course she loves on anyone that comes to the door, so I know she still feels little like she's no longer the main event.

Dear Son

2007-10-10T06:14:00.001-07:00

Mommy loves that you are developing and learning new things like grabbing, shoving and pulling your bottle around. She even told daddy about how you are getting so big and doing bigboy things, but please not at 4 am. Mommy snuggled & rocked you at 3 am when you were having your weird dreams that made you thrash about like being in a mosh pit at a BlackFlag concert (you never even opened your eyes) and happily got back up with you at 4 am when you were hungry. But just like you son, Mommy needs her sleep or she's a cranky, pooh-pooh mommy.

Love, hugs & snuggles,

Mommy

(He went to sleep at 1930 last night and I was up at 3am, 4am, back to sleep at 5am and up at 7am for the morning. I'm dragging hard this morning.)

He's that 10%

2007-10-09T07:18:00.001-07:00

I have several sleep books for babies. I use a bit from each book since no baby completely falls under one book's ideas. If yours did then you are a lucky duck. The main book I use Health Sleep, Happy Child covers about 80% of Oz's behaviors.

I have had the joy of Oz going to bed around 2100 and sleeping until 0600-0700. This has been a great joy and team mommy has been a litle more sane and perky. Last week I noticed that Oz was wanting to feed and snooze earlier so his sleep time moved back to 2030 but he was still sleeping until 0600-0700. In order to try and allow him as much sleep as possible and the work day starting this weekend I moved Oz's sleep time to 2000 and he woke at 0530. He wanted a diaper change some gnosh and went back to sleep until 0830.

Last night, Oz was yawning, rubbing his eyes and had heavy lids around 1845. So following his sleepy lead I went through the night time ritual. We put on his night time diaper (we got some freebies from someone in the unit but they aren't thick enough for overnight), warmed his bottle, fed him, burritoed him, read him a story and rocked him. He was in bed and snoring away about 1940.

Now Dr Weissbluth swears that putting a baby to sleep earlier won't mean that he wakes earlier, he just needs more sleep. Ummm Oz likes to prove people wrong because he woke at 0500 this morning. Exactly an half hour earlier when he wanted to go to sleep an half hour earlier. Yes, he's done it two nights in a row.

Later in another chapter he does say that at his age he make wake for a late night feeding and then go back to sleep - which he does. I just find it funny that the doc swears that putting a child to sleep earlier doesn't mean they will wake earlier - but Oz does.

I love it that Oz likes to prove people wrong just on G.P.

Customer Service?

2007-10-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

I made an error last week and didn't know I needed to be home for the Terminix guy to come and spray our home. So the day after I called to reschedule for today. The termite inspector came in plenty of time and checked out our home. But the spray guy didn't show.

I called them to find out the man was still out with an appendicitis. They mentioned this last week but assured me he was due back on time. I was irritated because they say I must be home in order for the initial spraying. So I advised her that they needed to come this week period. When she started to balk over it, I asked her what sane person schedules clients with a sick employee? That with my appendicitis I was out for 3 weeks, and only giving this guy a week was a bad idea. So finally someone else besides the poor sick guy is coming Saturday.

What really irks me is that they didn't even call me today to tell me no one was coming. Umm duh people I needed to know that. And I hope the man who has the appendicitis gets well soon, since his work seems to think he's superman.

Secondary observation

2007-10-08T06:32:00.000-07:00

There's something I don't get about that baby-dar I spoke of last. In addition to waking for anything noise Oz makes beyond a sigh or laugh, I seem to hover in a state of wake from about 0400. Why I don't know, crap he wakes me if he sneezes to loud so why does my body also keep me partially awake during that time period that he could wake?

I've been slightly awake since 0400 this morning like just about every morning but Oz didn't stir until 0530. He wanted a new diaper, some nosh and went back to sleep. I on the other hand still maintained that state of partial wake until I finally got up at 0830.

I could be resting, I will hear him I need to just relax more I guess.

Swingtastic

2007-10-06T09:58:00.000-07:00

Leave it to a milspouse to be extremely creative. Okay yeah sure anyone could have thought of it, but it was a lady from the mil spouse board I go to who gave us the perfect solution - so Milspouses rock!

The advice was to put a fairly heavy blanket under the boys butt and let an inch or two hang onto the ground. It provides just enough friction to slow down the swing to a pleasant pace. Oz has swung to his heart's content on several occasions now without issue.

Aaron, I think I will pass on getting the expensive swing. He likes it but it wasn't nearly as "worthy" as a miracle blanket. I can't see spending $140+ for one of those pappasan ones that plug in when he likes it just okay. That and we threw away the box this morning for the other swing and I can't return it. D'oh!

Observation

2007-10-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

I am a person who prefers to sleep in the dark. The husband has always wandered the bedroom with a flashlight looking in drawers to find his clothes should he forget to pull them out the night before.

When Oz was born things really didn't change. I set his monitor to "on" versus voice activated at first. I wanted to hear him breath. I wanted to hear every hiccup, burp, fart and sneeze. And I woke for each and every one of those things too. I had Oz radar, I could hear a pin drop in his room while dead asleep.

After a while I got used to the idea that he really is okay and I could turn the monitor to voice activated only. This only put out a sound when he made a cry or a laugh, something that hit a certain noise level. But I also noticed something new. I could filter what noises would wake me and what noises I could care less about.

Now I don't hear the toilet flush, I don't hear the shower run, I don't hear the racket down stairs while the husband makes coffee, lunch etc. I don't notice the lights being turned on either. But Oz, farts and my eyes pop open in the darkness. I roll to the monitor and wait. Is this just a fart or does he need me? I never in a million years would have thought that I a person who requires 8 hours sleep daily could survive on less. I never thought I could sleep through storms, dropping coffee pots, clanking dishes but will wake and be down the hall before the first cry has even escaped fully from Oz's lips.

I've been told that, this baby radar will never go away. That forever I will hear, know and respond without a second thought to any noise my son will make. People are interesting creatures.

Contest going on!

2007-10-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

Contest ends Oct 4th!

Only my son....

2007-10-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be nice to get Oz a swing. So while shopping for some stuff to make an anniversary present for the hubby, I bought a travel swing.

Oz and I put it together when we got home and I put him in it. I had it on the LOWEST setting and he drifted off about 5 minutes in. About 45 minutes later he made a cry I had never heard before. I took him out of the swing, changed his diaper, tried to burp him and when he was still crying, I tried feeding him. The feeding seemed to go well and all went back to calm.

About an hour later I took him, the swing and myself upstairs to work on the bills. Again he fell asleep pretty quickly. He was silently sleeping, peacefully at that for about an hour or so. Then I heard that weird/new cry again. I turned around just in time to see vomit come out his nose and mouth! Of course he's panicked because he's vomiting via his nose and I pulled him out of the swing ASAP! I cleaned him up, gave him a couple of ounces of formula and placed him in his bouncer this time.

So WTH? He loves it when we rock him to sleep and he doesn't get sick in the car, so why does the swing make him upchuck? Poor guy I guess the glider when we rock him is much slower and doesnt make him want to hurl. Any ideas on how to slow the swing down more until he gains more weight to do it himself? Or do I just bite the bullet and take the swing back?

2 month check up

2007-10-01T16:16:00.000-07:00

On the count of 3, say "awwwwww!" Oz had his check up today. He was a trooper after getting his shots. He cried, but if I'd never been stuck my a needle before I'd cry too. I cried as soon as he did. I tried to talk softly into his ear while they gave him the shots. I hope it was comforting at least a tiny bit. Luckily the sites aren't swollen so hopefully they won't swell at all. Just like my little stubborn son, he didn't sleep like everyone said that he would. Oz doesn't want to miss a thing that might go on when his eyes are close. *giggle*

His stats are: 12 lbs 2 oz, 24 inches tall. His head though is small - 39cm. That's in the 25th percentile. He acts and does behaviors like a normal 9 week old so I'm not worried. I just wonder why he's so ahead of the game on weight and length but has such a wittle head? It just gives me something else to be paranoid over I guess.

So my boy is geting bigger and bigger!

Giggle

2007-09-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

Last night the husband and I were in bed by 2130. We rolled to face each other and at the same time using a Beevis & Butthead voice we said to each other "Heh-he we're old."

Ozdate

2007-09-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

Well the little man is 9 weeks old today. His well baby appointment is next week on the 1st. I'm sure I'm going to cry when they give him his first shots. I'm not looking forward to that, but I know that the shots are needed. I just don't want the little man to get poked by a needle. I'm sure it will be what others say, that it's worse on the parent than on the child.

Here are some photos of the little man. He's getting so big. He's in some 3-6 months clothing already, he's going to be long and lean like his daddy! He's got the longest legs and torso. He smiles so much now and grabs at my hands or arm while feeding him. He turns his head towards you now when you come up to him and start talking. Oh and its been a week but I can officially say he sleeps through the night. Don't worry I have been keeping good track this week to make sure he's eating enough during the day to handle not waking in the night. He does! His current weight is around 11 lbs. The doc's recommend they eat 2-3oz per lbs so for him 22-33 oz in a day. He eats around 25-30oz. So I know the little man is getting plenty.

Well enjoy the photos!

This is his serious face.

I'm just joshing mom!

Oh did you say bottle time?

Cute booties I got him for winter time since he kicks his socks off!

Little Buddha laughing!

Sigh

2007-09-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

Okay I am going over this ONCE, beyond that if you aren't able to understand then I guess that is your issue.

For a group of people who read every detail of my blog you aren't very astute. In fact you are pretty damn obtuse. As it says clearly in my "about me" section this is where I vent the slings and arrows of life. Journaling whether its private or a public venue like this is one of the simplest and most commonly used tools in psychology. It is a healthy form of releasing the negativity in a person's life. So if this blog is where I vent, then it is pretty much common sense that it probably WON'T contain only stories of puppies, rainbows and kittens. It is healthy, yes folks healthy for a person to journal frustrations on paper or virtual paper and then let go. It is unhealthy to hold onto those feelings, become overwhelmed and head down a path into destructive behaviors. THIS IS WHERE I RELEASE AND LET GO.

So get over it, just get over it. I'm not unhappy, I enjoy life and most of the people in it. I don't blame others, I often wonder about the common sense of others but don't blame them for my frustrations. But since you seem to think I do then from now on everything is Beth's fault. Easy fix, anything that goes wrong is because of Beth.

You can make any assumptions you want about my husband's job, his pay, my job, my pay - whatever. I don't give 100% of the details, I never have because I blog with a pseudo name. Let me assure you though that from before we were married (9 married) 12 years ago that we have always budgeted and lived off of his salary alone. We don't live outside our means, we don't overextend ourselves - we are too anal retentive to do that. So please rip me some more on the assumption that we don't know how to budget or can't live within our means. Just remember your assumption pretty much only makes an ass out of you since there's no 'me' in that word.

How or why a job offer came to me and why I accepted the job well its not public knowledge, that's a portion I didn't disclose. Would I have been happier had the offer come later say January - uh YEAH! Of course it would have been, but its not when it happened and its not how it played out. I'm working with what life presented me and attempting to make the best of that situation.

And as for the deployment and how evil I am for taking a job before he leaves, the bonding time etc. Lets use logic people is the husband home during the day? No he's not, he's not home during the day and can't bond with his son during the day because he's at work. Nights and weekends are the only times he's able to be with his son and he spends that time with Oz glued to his hip as he carries him around. So me taking a job during the day where the husband isn't home to bond with his son or us to bond as a family is just silly. We spend our time at night during the week with the 3 of us with about 30 minutes of TV to watch the news and then the rest is all Oz's time. The weekends include vacuuming, cleaning the toilets and kitchen and the rest is Oz' time. So sorry Beth but what's your point about taking a job before deployment? It has no effect on the situation.

So let me reiterate one more time that I vent on this blog. I write the negative out on virtual paper in order to let go of it. It is a constructive behavior, basic psych 101 so get over thinking that I am unhappy.

We live within our means, know how to budget and have always budgeted off of 1 salary since before we were married.

Bonding time with the family still happens people but while the husband is working he's not bonding with the baby now is he?

Now back to our regularly scheduled blogging.

Close to home

2007-09-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

I did find care and I am really happy. Its an in home provider. I like the way the interview was structured, the number of children she has, the location etc. She basically made me feel comfortable and I'm going with my gut. I interviewed over the phone and in person several other people over the last few days and NO ONE made me feel as at ease at who we chose.

I am 2 minutes from her home and will go and have my lunch there every day. Its a good place and I am really happy that God, karma or kissmit smiled on our family for placing this person in our path.

So since the anons seem to want to comment no matter what - here's my question to you: So the single mom, the single parent what do you expect them to do? Become homeless? Crap the army only allows 6 weeks, yes 6 weeks which is even less than FMLA's 12 weeks. What are these single parents supposed to do?

BTW - Oz is 9 weeks tomorrow! Yeah to my little boy!

Wait lists suck

2007-09-24T11:31:00.000-07:00

So of course I am waitlisted for the CDC. I figured so much after talking to my friend yesterday. The "projected" wait is 2-4 months. Of course its not like any joesmoe is before me its single soldiers, dual military and single parent civilians. I understand that and won't complain about who's ahead but it does suck.

Also the second faclity I was recommended because someone worked there the last time they were stationed here and its the same owner and director has a waitlist of 29 people! So not looking good but of course I name dropped the lady that worked there in the hopes that it may squeeze me up the list a bit. (Yes I am shameless).

I've got two ladies to call for in home care. They are ladies from my coffee group and a church member. I'm on the fence because they don't have a license. One is in the process of getting a license though and "should" have her license within the next month or two.

I'm a little leary of FCC the in home version of the CDC since I sat there this morning in their office listening to a situation where the FCC provider's home (on post provider) was filthy, there was poison in the backyard because of a dog dispute and someone was trying to kill off a dog - basically a total mess. The second evil story I have of FCC providers was my friend in Germany who's provider was shut down because the husband was charged with molesting children. It apparently wasn't children in her care but he was charged and all the kids were questioned and immediately removed from the home.

So things are looking a little "eh" at the moment. I will find someone for the short term until either the CDC or the Wee Kids folks have space for my little man. I'm thinking I really do want to stick to a larger facility even if its a little institutional-ish, meaning not one on one care. At least I know the owners of one personally and the other is totally regulated by the Army and has to much visibility to screw up and not get beat up for it!

Ugh

2007-09-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

I'm done freaking out about my son's developmental conditions. I'm sure he's fine and he's actually doing some things differently now. I just had one of those first time mommy panic things, but since I'm a first time mommy you'll let that slide.

I am a little freaked out about something else now. On Friday I was offered a job. Its in my field, in the office I wanted to work in, back in federal service and a salary that is very nice. They tentatively offered and I tentatively accepted. I'm just a little freaked over putting an 8 week old in child care.

Honestly I'm hoping the child care places are a little full so I can't start work until November 1st. I am going to ask for it too from my new employer if she can accommodate me starting a month from now. I want Oz to be a little older before going into day care. Actually I was hoping that job offers would have come ohh about the 6 month mark.

Its definitely a crisis of conscious. I want the job, but I want to make sure my little boy is treated well, taken care of and doesn't get left to cry all day or anything. I've already put out leads to a group of women that came from Leavenworth and a coffee group. I like the safety of a CDC that's large, well watched and I can get to in 5 minutes if I need to. But I don't like that they may or may not be able to accommodate his reflux and sometimes he's still a little shy on pooping on his own which could be an issue as well.

Hopefully I can find the child care place that makes me feel comfortable and okay with leaving my son there for such a long time. I'd always been one of those "I will go back to work" chicks and I want to, but I want to do it when he's 6 months or so. Funny how those things change when you swore it never would.

ETA - I spent about an hour talking to a friend who has left their child in the places I am looking at, as well as working there at one point in time. I feel much more comfortable with the situation now. I know that Oz will be cared for, properly cared for that is and won't be left to cry all day because he's a hungry little man who eats every two hours.

So keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer if you pray that there's space available at the CDC. At least on post, I can visit at lunch every day with the little man and be close to the medical clinic should he need treatment.

Random thoughts

2007-09-21T04:52:00.001-07:00

I know some of ya'll think I'm nuts or just overly paranoid and I hope I am. I'd rather be that crazy mommy. I guess I just worry so much because Oz is it. He's our only child pretty much and I just want him to have the best life possible. So I worry when I notice things like -

He doesn't seem to be comforted when I pick him up. I remember other babies stopping crying when mom or dad picked them up. Maybe they were older and had that realization that mom and dad are safe. Oz just seems to cry just as hard whether I'm holding him or not.

When he doesn't look at me, I will attempt to move into his field of vision. Many times he will then look somewhere else. If I keep moving into his field of vision especially if he's feeding he will just close his eyes.

Sometimes when he's upset he doesn't just wave his arms about but flaps his hands for some reason.

He doesn't like to be in a carrier anymore either, yet he doesn't want to be put down either.

He a violent sleeper. For the last two nights I've had him swaddled but if I don't he thrashes about. He's quite violent when he sleeps, waving his arms, kicking, turning his head back and forth.

He no longer likes to sleep on his tummy on your chest. He thrashes he head back and forth until you move him into another position.

He seems to dream a lot and more of it is unhappy things than happy. He still smiles in his sleep but he also cries out, makes pained faces and it appears like he's having a bad dream or something.

So these are the things besides what I've mentioned before that just concern me. It could be that he's just fine and I'm paranoid. I really want to be just paranoid. I just have some voice in the back of my head asking me if things are right or not.

On a good note

2007-09-21T03:28:00.000-07:00

I don't want to jinx things but swaddling does seem to show promise as to allowing Oz to sleep better at night as well as allowing mommy to sleep better too. After a week of using it, I will let you know how it turned out. It seems as soon as I mention that something works it stops working so I'm waiting this out to see how it goes.

What's really humorous is how does a swaddled baby still manage to move 8 inches in one direction in his crib? And should I be worried that he'd rather be swaddled than not? Meaning I think he'd like to be wrapped like a buritto all day long than be able to flail about like an 8 week old.

I don't want to be a grownup anymore

2007-09-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

Hmmm lets see....

A tree crashes down in our yard due to carpenter ants. Two other trees have to be taken down to the tune of $1050.

The first killer heatwave since 1990 hits the Nashville area and our grass is now dead. Reseeding will take place to the tune of $360 + $61 for a chemical weed treatment.

Part of the closet shelving came down because some moron who put it up didn't put the screws into the studs but just put them straight into the sheetrock. (No mollybolts either) Not sure how much it will cost.

Jake the snake comes visiting and is killed for $149. Plus advised of a mice problem.

Sitting on the downstairs toilet this morning, I lean back to balance the sleeping baby and my ability to um wipe and I hear water run. I bend in the same direction again and hear more water. Waiting on the plmber to call us. At least we have a warranty for this but still its $55 for the service call.

Not to mention my son is back to eating every 2 hours now since we had to back down on how much food we give him per feeding.

Plus I saw Jenny McCarthy on Oprah and I am a little worried about Oz. I've always been a little worried about this but have kept it to myself. Oz doesn't stare at my face, he glances at me and stares off at other things like the TV, the window or a light. He really doesn't gaze into my face and if I start talking to him and am sitting to the side of him he doesn't look my direction either. He also doesn't grab his toys at all, he will follow them if I take them in his field of vision but doesn't grab them at all. So I am very nervous about the thought of and fear of autism. Just scares the crap out of me.

So no more being a grownup - I wanna go to Vegas and play craps for a week and come back to being a grownup later.

Best $149...

2007-09-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

bucks I have spent in a long frickin' time.

The boy and I were going to the car in the garage to go find paint. We think we've found the paint supplier that provided the paint for our builder. I've been looking for matching paint for two months now!

While walking Oz to the car and getting ready to put him in the car I notice at the front of the garage near the door I see a snake coiled up. I quickly get Oz in the car and shut the door to make sure he's safe. I get in the driver's seat, open the garage door and started to back out. I had left my door open slightly in order to try and see what kind of snake it was. It was gone when I got to the door frame. I back out a safe distance and got out of the car. I got only as close as about 10 feet away and peered where I last saw it. It was slithering towards the house. It had diamonds on it and its head looked kinda triangler. I nearly peed my pants thinking that it was a baby rattler!

I called the DH and he told me to just call an exterminator. The guy came out and was asking me on the phone while he was coming over if I knew if it was still in there. I smartly told him there was no way in hell that I was going to go back in there with my 7 week old son and go snoping around for a frickin' snake.

This guy gets here, peaks around after I showed him where I last saw him. About 3 minutes later he's moving slowly away from a spot near the snow salt and grabs a giant glue trap. Then he spends the next 10 minutes slowly moving things around. What he's doing I don't know I'm 25 feet away behind my car in the drive peering over the corner of the trunk. Finally he picks up the glue trap and smiles at me. "Well it wasn't a rattler but you were right that it was poisionous. It was a baby copperhead. Man these are the most facinating snakes - see?" He's holding the glue trap in my direction and I nearly ralphed on him. I put my baby on the garage floor before I open the door to put him in his frickin' car seat thingie.

So after I swallowed the spit in my mouth from almost puking my guts out. He pointed out some issues. We have a mice problem. A little mouse ate a hole through the weather stripping on the garage door. The snake used that hole to come hide from the sun. So we need to treat the mice issue and there will be no food for the snake to come looking. We also need to fix the weather stripping.

I just nearly peed my pants at this but the $149 it cost for him to come instantly to my home, in his snake pants and a pair of extra heavy duty lacers to put that nasty little creature on a glue trap and take him far far a frickin' way was soo worth it!

Bang head here X

2007-09-18T18:11:00.001-07:00

Yesterday talking to my mom, she said to go ahead and up Oz's bottle per feeding. I uppped it to what he seemed to be happy with which was 4.5oz. It worked like a charm yesterday and the first part of this morning. He was going down happily for naps, it seemed like it was the fix.

After the circus with the copperhead in my garage (see next entry), I noticed Oz was spitting up more and not sleeping well this afternoon. Well he actually refused the rest of his bottle this evening, threw up on my husband and has been cranky, crying ever since. So I guess upping his food wasn't the right thing to do and now he's got an upset tummy to deal with this evening and night. *SIGH*

Sleeping is for the dog

2007-09-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

I mentioned earlier that the little man decided day time naps were for the dog. Well come Wednesday it seemed like he ran out of steam and took pretty good naps Wednesday afternoon, Thursday and Friday. I was relieved thinking that this little game was over.

Well I was wrong. Friday night he decided to sleep his major leg like he normally does, but after his 2 am feeding, although he was a total limp armed man as soon as I put him down his eyes would pop open and he'd be awake. I tried putting him down anyways hoping with the yawning that he was sleepy and would drift off like he normally does - NOPE! It took 3 tries and an hour and a half to get him asleep. Of course he woke promptly 3 hours after his last feeding leaving me with maybe an hour sleep before his next feeding.

The same went on last night too. We even had the advantage of the glider that we bought and finally came in. I rocked that boy for 25 minutes in the glider before putting him down the first time. Its so totally unnerving to see those little eyes pop open like someone turned on a switch on a toy or something. I've decided that the eye popping open deal is like a cupie doll when you tilt them one way or another and the eyes pop open! Plus he decided that napping again for was for the dog.

I begged the hubby to take a nap today because I totally needed it. He's still to young really to let him fuss for 5 minutes or so before getting him in an effort to see if he will fall back to sleep on his own. But I will tell you I am frustrated, tired and crabby as hell. Not to mention feeling guilty because he smiles at you when you talk to him now and will smile and coo as you continue to talk to him and have one of his soft toys give him kisses.

I'm waiting on the white noise CD I ordered and I need to order a pull down blind for his room. Mainly to help keep the heat in at night. What I don't get on that is why the smallest room in the house has one of the largest windows. I've got Oz dressed in long sleeved/pant clothes with the socks he can't seem to kick off. He still manages to kick of his warmer blanket too and I find his little arms are a little cold.

He's also chowing down on bottles like there's no tomorrow! He's up to 4 oz now a bottle with no spitting up and eats them about 2 hours apart. I'm guessing a growth spurt here, but am also worried that he's eating for comfort instead. Of course if he makes the hunger signs I feed him. I won't not feed him because it hasn't been so many hours between feedings. But if he is feeding solely for comfort what am I missing? What I am not giving him? Or is the little fartknocker just growing on me?

He's a good boy and I love him to death. I wouldn't change having him in this world for nothing, but the lack of sleep is killing me. Since the hubby is setting up to deploy, he's working 12 hour days at work. This leaves me as Oz's primary and pretty much sole caregiver. I was just hoping that as he neared 8 weeks of age, his sleeping patterns would stabilize more. I knew with the reflux he might take longer than other babies to sleep through the night because he had to eat more often, he's not really even showing signs of a morning nap period unless you count the 20 minute power nap he might take on my lap if he feels like it. Afternoon naps are a little more predictable but not totally. And now the waking up and not going back down at night even with leaving every single frickin' light off I swear is going to make me pull a Britney and shave my head.

Some books state that if he was born before his due date that when you count the "calming down" period you count 6 weeks after his due date and not just 6 weeks of life. If that's the case then the end of this week he will be 6 weeks after his due date. I really wish I could rely on the hubby more but with his work the way it is, I can't. Its pretty much me with an occasional him to help over the weekend like allowing me to get in a nap. I'm getting desperate enough that I started inquiring if his parents could come earlier rather than later this year. Uh, yeah you read that right I'd like to see if they would lend a hand a little so I can take a nap during the day - holy crap I am desperate.

Don't even ask me to tell you about how dirty I think our home is. I keep a clean house and we just can't get done the cleaning I am used to. But you can't clean the toilet with a kid in a snugli, especially when he's decided he doesn't like to be in one anymore and is squirming and squawking at you.

Ugh, I needed to let that out. Patience, I know it just takes patience and time and the little man will work out his own battle rhythm. I know that the smiles and interactive laughs and such are my reward for being patient, it doesn't mean though that the lack of sleep still doesn't suck.

As a few folks have mentioned - this too shall pass.

My fears superimposed

2007-09-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

...upon my child. I've read through the Happiest Baby on the Block and today I used one of the elements to calm Oz from screaming at me - the Shhhhhhhhh white noise deal. It worked in a second flat. I will search the net later for a white noise CD to play in his room.

What I can't get past is the swaddling part. I know what the issue is, I can't stand to be pinned down, my arms being held down or me feeling trapped. Because I dated a real ass in college, those things just give me a panic attack. So I don't really want to swaddle Oz. He still does the arm wave we think looks like he's going downhill on a roller coaster, and I know the swaddling would help to keep that from happening and him waking himself. I just can't seem to get past my fears of being trapped and that he must feel the same way I do.

Any suggestions on where I can get a white noise CD?

Any suggestions?

2007-09-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

Since sunday the boy has decided that sleeping during the day is for the dog. He will sleep for maybe 20 minutes at most and usually only if sleeping on me. I've tried time and time again to transfer him to his crib or his bouncey seat only to have him wake 5 minutes later (apparently after figuring out he's not on me anymore) and then won't go back to sleep. He's sleeping so-so at night but I usually have to sooth him and put him down 3-4 times before he goes back to sleep after a late night feeding.

After 4 days of about 8-9 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period he's got to be cranky and exhausted. He's 7 weeks but I'm still not comfortable at letting him "cry it out" at this age yet. I also can't go back to me not eating, sleeping or peeing because he has to be touching me 24/7/365. The books I've read and own don't seem to have an answer for this one. Not sure how or what may be the best way to help him establish a better sleeping pattern durning the day.

Suggestions?

Books I own: Babywise, Happiest Baby on the Block and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child.

Remember

2007-09-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

Although the American support for troops being in Iraq are fading, please remember those that lost their lives from Sept 11th 2001 to today due to terrorists. Americans, Spanish and English, all of them have suffered from terroristic activities yet still thrive, live and defy what the terrorists want which is cower in fear in our homes.

We will drive on, we will move forward but we shall not forget.